Wikileaks Exposes Poker Secrets

Our server (my Commodore 64) was down due to distributed denial of service attacks for 13 hours. Fixing it was beyond the ability of my crack team of IT experts (me and the dog) so we hired an outside firm. The job they did was superficial at best, and I really can't blame them. Visa, Mastercard and PayPal cut our funding last week and my "rainy day" shoebox only had $17 in change and small bills. For this amount of money I could only afford a service the IT firm called a 'reboot.'

Turns out reboots are not some obscure shoe cobbler repair thing. They actually work and we're back in business. As the tech was walking out the door he mentioned something that I should check into. Pokipedialeaks, a nonexistent but very real sounding subsidiary of Wikileaks.

Pokileaks is a source for hidden and secret poker site documents on poker strategy, etiquette, avatar selection and mens fashion. The forums are a wealth of information. At great personal risk to myself(my copyright lawyers don't know the shoebox fund is gone) I will post this one tidbit.

tgdzarco32:

(Time out - name picked because tgdzarco31 was already taken.)

tgdzarco32: I'm playing Hold'em on a full table and I've been dealt 7-2 offsuit, what should I do?

Pokileaks Moderator: Raise

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After several free pokerchip black market transactions I was able to track down Pokileaks founder Julienne Soup Assholeange. The interview went like this -

Me: "Soup, I have hole cards of..."
Soup: "Raise."
Me: "But I haven't told you what..."
Soup: "Raise."
Me: "Stop interupting me you..."
Soup: "Raise."
Me: "I want to speak to your supervisor since..."
Soup: "Riase."

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Regardless of the fact that this was a 10k buy in the play was very uncompetitive. Within the first three hands you can always find some idiot raising on nothing, feeding the pot for someone who has a real hand. And by someone I trust you know that I mean something.

Justice was served. After being shortstacked for the 3 millionth time I took first and placed in the money for my fifth consecutive sit and go. I now have enough free money chips to replenish the shoebox.

And Soup and I are going out for beers tonight.