More Bogus Internet Poker Screen Names

My isn't that interesting. The entire periodic table of elements has been taken as screen names on PokerStars. Some I can understand - Oxygen, Carbon, Xenon (that one sounds really cool and brings back fond memories of the pinball machine), but it's not just the common ones. All the weird ones with high atomic numbers have also been scarfed up.

Reflecting on my misbegotten life I wish I had gone through college with my first major - chemistry - but the advanced calculus and desire to play video games and pinball side tracked me, and fate has placed me here were I am now. I should be playing as screen name "Dubnium" with no skill and joining the bingo. But I also discovered poker in college to fund my video game habit.

Karma is a cruel mistress and her cats are overweight and annoying, she wants to cuddle all the time and absolutely hates any mention of Jarah. And her taste in movies - oh, please. 'Big Tits Zombie?' What guy would ever want to watch a movie with hot Asian women and no plot? Bitch.

There are five things that REALLY scare me.

1) The Zombie Apocalypse
2) The Ninja Apocalypse
3) A world without Ben and Jerry's ice cream
4) The AMC Gremlin
5) The Chemist Apocalpyse

Chemists. Face it. Thezse bastards have had their cult brewing for centuries, cavorting with the Free Masons, Scientologists, those that dabble in video distribution and chainsaw manufacturers. They have quietly invaded our lives pretending to be useful. Sure they throw us a bone every once in a while like Teflon and Scott's Turf Builder, but believe me, they're only looking at their own private agenda. World domination.

So, as you register to play your first game of Internet Poker you don't realize that you're first choice of "Dubnium" has already been taken. Maybe you'll settle for "Dubnium348."

Or maybe you'll just wake up and realize you're wasting your time.

I must go. I've got a gin game coming up with Avogadro. My record is less than spectacular against him. He's won 6.02 x 10 to the 23rd power more games than me.

I think the bastard is rigged.