Math is our Friend

Well, speak for yourselves. At least I kniow math is my friend. My Dad was a math teacher by trade. I'm an accountant by trade. Math is something that I bump up against every day, even though I haven't returned any phone calls for more than two years.

I distinctly remember my first encounter with math. Rainy day, tormenting the family cat became old and I settled into playing with some blocks. As a youngster when eating, crapping and sleeping where the foremost things on my mind I had these blocks on the living room carpet. Sesame Street was on, but the count was way too scary and my crying jag forced Mom to put the vodka bottle down and turn it off. However, the seed had been planted. The Count counts stuff.

Holy shit. There are two red blocks and one yellow block! That means there are twice as many red blocks! From that day on I used math as much as possible.

Math became a daily part of life from then on. Second piece of chicken Xenu? You said "second!!" That's one more than one. Goddammit this math shit is cool!

As a shy and awkward teenager I did court math briefly. Mathy did not like my advances as she was dating physics at the time. After getting beaten up by physics on the school parking lot I gave math a break for a while. Although to this day I swear if Coulomb's Law hadn't gotten the drop on me in the locker room I might have had some happinessw. Magnetic attraction and distance squared. I will get even with you. I don't know how, I don't know when, but trust me. You will pay.

Math and I exchaqnged Christmas cards for the next several years before falling out of touch. I did search her out on the internet and believe me that tight pink sweater has haunted me.

Then came PokerStars.

The private investigator that got me the pink sweater pics let me know that Coulomb's Law had become drinking buddies with PokerStars. This explains a lot. There are so many tables where the play is not to improve yourself, but the play is to make me lose.

Thank God for mathturbation. I don't know how I'd ever get over these ridculous race tables without it. Mathive raising. Someone that has a mathive amount of chipth. So money losers that aren't looking to amath chips. No mathodical attempt to grow.