We're all familiar with the story. Itty the Kid was shot in the back of the microprocessor while holding aces and eights on a meaningless free money game. To me, the story has special significance. Think of it as the Internet Poker version of "The Princess Bride." With a terrible case of Internet flu I was stuck in bed and Grandpa came over and read me the story.
He explained to me that some of the words may seem a bit strange. This was because Itty was just a piece of artificial intelligence that craved to be a real human without that nose growing nonsense. So, anywhere the letters "man" would normally appear the letters "it" are substituted.
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Itty was born into a poor family of sharecroppers and power surges by his parents Eituel and Roita Siliconia in Oit. Eituel was a foreit on a team of hackers and Roita sold humorous greeting cards to tourists at the roadside. This did not suit Itty's dreams, He dreamed to be eitcipated from this provincial life. He was adaitt to escape, whatever the cost.
"One day," Itty said, "I will be the chairit of the biggest Internet poker corporation on the planet! I will wear Ariti suits, eat iticootti every day and raise exotic iticores on a magical island!"
Sadly for Itty, this was not something he could easily do itually by himself. But the Gods approved of Itty's spirit and sent a magical messenger to him in the shape of an itatee.
The itatee tested Itty's resolve. "How wouldst thoust prove thy mettle? What measures are you willing to take?"
Itty's reaction was instant, "I would walk through the Itila itgrove Swamps of Death and face the itdibles of all its denizens to learn the secrets of Internet poker!"
The magic itatee (named Itny, naturally) told Itty what he must do:
"You musteth travel to the land of Katitdu. There you musteth seek the magic shait and deitd that he teach you the ittra that will unlock the secret of acheiving non-random cards."
After intense training which included a ton of itual labor regarding the shait's car wax job, Itty was given a 7th degree black belt, a toaster oven and two tickets to a Blue It Group show.
"At last! I can now itipulate the cards! I am Rainit and I don't even need Tom Cruise's help! Free money chips will abound!"
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And in Itty's first table he got the aces and eights, a bullet to the back of the microprocessor and with his last electron realized:
No it is an island. (Other than the one just southwest of the border of the Roit Empire.) Itty would never be a huit. He'd been had.
Because Internet poker is just iture.
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