If you've been paying attention...and heaven forbid wasting your time playing on PokerStars, then you'll surely have noticed that there's about 5 billion people that think that there are four things that need to be done for the bucket list.
First off is craisan. Stephen Colbert thinks this is a cranberry/raisan hybrid. In reality it's crazy raisin'. Seriously Steve. Like anybody needs a weird fruit hyprid to complete the bucket list. Second is sitting out. The games do go THAT long that you couldn't possibly be drunk enough to call it a night. Third, the antithesis of tonight's point. The time bank. My research has indicated that this was created by the Spanish Inquisition when the iron maiden wasn't getting enough confessions. If I play so slowly, I will bore my opponents into doing something stupid. Fourth and foremost - naked midget jello wrestling. This is self-explanatory.
So, after months of massive time bank abuse and a suspicious recent upgrade I land at this table. Not only is the time bank minimal the speed of play is like greased butter on a cheater...er....cheetah. Indeed, it's so fast that it cannot possibly be real humans. Certainly no time for any idle chit chat at this table. Of course, cheetahs don't chat much. Even when they do they are surely lion. But you gnu that.
Having run out of animal references we proceed.
Apparently there is some lunch to be to and everyone is anxious to end the game as quick as possible. Or perhaps some Scientology regging quotas need to be met. Or, the top theory that me and my crack team of fast poker play experts (me and the dog) support is that there's a big bus out there. And some psycho has wired it to explode if hands per hour ever drops below 50. He's set up this bus job as his retirement money since he obviously did not read last night's easy money post.
Wooden you know it. Keanu with his wooden acting style and wooden style of poker play is in his way. And Sandra Bollox has the balls to step up and chip in.
Speed kills in a lot of ways. Driving is the obvious one. Hitting the cue ball too hard is another. Clicking the "send" key on the angry email to Jarah before really thinking about what you're getting yourself in for can't be any good.
And speedy poker tables are just another bit of evidence that you are connected to a database populated by AI directly connected to the server.
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