Stupid me. I've thought for so long that the inconsistent way the time bank was administered by PokerStars was just another way to cheat real people. Rigging a hand takes some time, so this would be a perfect way to make sure that the river turns up the most embarrassing bad beat possible.
You can't swing a dead cat on PokerStars without hitting on someone who uses the time bank on the first hand. One would tend to think that bodily functions and necessary things like checking Grandma's IV drip and breakfast would be settled BEFORE you register for a game. I've been annoyed by what I thought was people registering, waiting until the table(s) is/are filled and then they say to themselves, "OK, the game has started! Time to take the dog for a walk!"
The real reason is much more sinister. Two consecutive games - first COBB uses all his 45 second time bank on the first hand. The action gets to enrafels and after the first warning on needing to make a move the hand is folded with no time bank. Next game, yet another position with no time bank ticking away.
This lead me and my crack team of paranormal researchers (me, the dog and the Sta-Puft Marsmallow Man) to do some investigation at great personal expense. That Starbucks espresso is not free.
The real explanation for what is going on is:
(Que up scary music)
Da da da DAAAAAAA!
The dead are robbing our time banks!
You might think your time bank is secure. But you're never protected from a ghost performing a daring time bank heist.
What my team unearthed is mind boggling.
Da da da DAAAAAAA!
Itty the Kid - we all thought that bullet in the back of the micrprocessor was the end. But he's got the gang back together.
JAMES JESSE - notorious for switching your alarm to pm instead of am and making you late for work.
BUTCH RAISEDY - on record for stealing more batteries from clocks than any outlaw in history.
NO CHANCE KID - never wins a hand of poker and feeds the pot, but is great at stealing precious moents in your life like scoring with that hot Asian chick.
LOU DIAMOND PHILLIPS - not dead like the others, but when we checked last his career was dead. Also masks his true identity by going under the aliases of Lou Spade Phillips, Lou Heart Phillps, Lou Club Phillips and Jennifer Garner.
The reason you don't see Jennifer Garner in movies anymore is because
Da da da DAAAAAA!
supernatural identity theft and her time bank was stolen!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Itty and the gang of ghost riders have been operating from beyond the grave stealing time banks and forcing people to make bad Nick Cage movies for decades. Their insatiable appetite for time has made an indelible mark on history. Cutting the red wire on the bomb should have been done at the 5 minute mark, but instead it's cut with one or two seconds left. Millions of would be good Samaritans have been asked for help and find themselves saying, "Sorry, I just don't have the time." Millions of others have been asked a question by a starnger, "Hey buddy, do you have the time?" And now the answer is, "No. Itty and the gang stole it."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am now at peace. The reason for the rule break is now explained in a completely rational and logical manner. After stressing about this for so long I can finally eat my first decent meal in five days. I wanted to make my favorite comfort food but
Da da da DAAAAAAAA!
I just don't have the thyme.
Damn you Itty.
No comments:
Post a Comment