Do Not Murder- Astounding Scientology Catch Phrase

And do not waste your time pretending that you can get ahead on internet poker free money games. And don't pretend you have a chance with Asian hotties. Settle for the 280 pound girl at the grocery checkout.

Let's get rid of the non-poker topic first.Amazingly, Scientology has come up with this remarkable concept that nobody has ever thought of before. They actually have signs outside their buildings for one of their front groups that say, "Do Not Murder." My what a novel and unique concept for one to live your life.This stunning recruitment tactic is just a couple of steps less than some concepts me and my crack team of overstating the obvious experts (me and the dog) have thought of.

Don't drink battery acid.
Don't turn the heat on to 90 degrees in the middle of summer.
Do not under any circumstances watch a Tom Baker episode of Doctor Who and expect to see anything resembling decent special effects.
Don't invest in Enron stock.
Don't change your name to "Medulla Oblangata" and expect to not nbe laughed at.

My company I work for is generous enough to give me Thanksgiving and the Friday after off. This means that in addition to the occasional meal, sleeping at odd hours of the day and night, watching my She Wolf of London DVDs I got to make a general nuisance ofmyself this weekend. If I put half the effort into my job that I put into internet poker my boss would be a happy man.

Disappointingly, I don't have anything to report other than the usual nonsense. With this big bullseye I have on my back, it's obvious that far too many players are more interested in playing to make me lose than playing to win. Amusingly, it's not constantly the same opponents. I could almost understand it if I pissed someone off and they were out to get me. Not the case.

Despite the urge, I think I'll just watch Monday Night Football and try really, really hard to not murder someone tonight.

Thi space intentionallyleft blank

Run home. Run home and cry to mama. Me, I'm through running. I say we stay here and fight it out.

Guess what I did this morning. I sat in on a meaningless potlimit Omaha Hi Lo tourney on PokerFrauds. Just shy of 500 entrants.

My patience is the size of Mount Rushmore, but I did go a little bit crazy at the end and only finished 38th. Prior to that it was behaving a lot less like a real human would do that got me irked.

I just discovered something I never knew before. Internet poker is rigged.

Please explain how someone can play over 100 hands in a meaningless 500 player game, win one hand played seriously, fold out the rest and just watch the bad movie unfold. It explains the sitting out bullshit. Just like internet strategy games like Dominion you do better by being passive than actually playing.

The Big Game with Thousands of Players

It's like comfort food for me, without actually paying for the Ben and Jerry's. I know I'm not going to win, so there'sno point in concentrating and putting any real effort into it. It's qualifying for NLOP's weekly 1000 player tournament and pretending that you have a chance to win that leads you to pulling your hair out, getting bad beaten to death and running home and crying to mama that shortens your life span.

This freeroll was a lot more like I expect from PokerStars. A no limit game where someone has over 10,000 chips before my second hand is completed. Their HAC dues are obviously paid up. I find it curious that I was placed on my first table against opponents that were all from the island of Formica. This was obvious from the liberal use of the Acrylic alphabet in their names. Also curious is that as I got moved to different tables more Formicans were there at each.And with the lack of serious play it was obvious they were just using a freeroll to polish there game. (Get it? Polish- Formica - Acrylic?)

Another thing I've noticed that makes absolutely no sense is that the registration screen shows how long you have to wait until you get a seat. And 95% of the time you don't get to sit until the game is actually about to begin. Usually seats are available 2 minutes before the game begins and finally with less than a minute to go you're placed against your mighty Formican opponents. In this case it was 1 minute before the game begins and with less than a minute to go I got my Formican buddies.

If there ever was a process that should be controlled by a computer program on internet poker it's the seating at the start of a game. Yet just like a chess tournament it takes the organizers forever to figure out what to do, and then even with thousands of players all over the planet I get seated at tables with only folks from the same relative geographic location on the planet.

Granted this was 4 am EST, but it wasn't until my fourth table where I started to see more of the Earth represented and anything resembling serious play with the betting.

And here's a bump for an old topic. The prize is a qualifier for another massive multiplayer table. In the upper right hand corner they give you a friendly reminder that you will need to manually register for that. As opposed to what? Performing a virgin sacrifice? Altering your TV remote? Calling 911?

FAIL.

Enslavery - Scientology/Poker/Asian Hotties

Me and my crack team of Scientology investigators (me and the dog) noticed something today.

We got crushed in a fairly normal almost realistically bet game of PokerStars wildly popular "8 Game" that didn't have someone raising absolutely every chance that they get. The thing about * Game is that other than the nolimit hold'em, it's fixed limit. Traditionally over months of registering for these on and off there is someone that feels the need to raise every time the action is on them. We aren'tused to something resembling rational human betting and random cards. Since the cards weren't random, I do deserve to get to whine about it.

Everytime I log in to PS there are tens of thousands opponents waiting for me to test my skill. How is it possible for me to see so many people at one table play against the generally accepted internet poker philosophy that the only way to be successful at fixed limit is to raise every chance?

The knee jerk reaction is to expect that since this is Thanksgiving that they had too much play money already and didn't want anymore, had too much play tryptophan from too much play turkey and play gravy on their play mashed potatoes and were too busy hugging their play 102 year old grandmothers and were just simply off their game.

The real reason is that we are being enslaved en masse to react the way our new masters want us to.

Before 2008 when Anonymous started kicking the living shit out of Scientology, they were the ones in charge. Tom Cruise was using his ability to move objects with his mind (Google something like "Scientology - Blown for Good book) to manipulate the random card generators to force the outcome. Now that he, and Scientology in general has been exposed for what it is they have been defensive. No longer a slave of the Martian Bishop and Xenu we have been free to lead almost normal lives.

Except that there is a newer, more insidious master out there. The AHC. The Asian Hottie Cult. If you spend $475,000 (real, not play money) you can get AHC auditing, rid yourself of the HTs (Hottie Thetans) you have and finally get to see a full game of internet poker where the cards are actually random. I'm considering this because of my terrible Ben and Jerry's addiction I've had.

Or maybe I'll just enjoy the fact that I had a real Thanksgiving with my real family with my real 102 year old grandmother understand that the cards are rigged give the dog some bones watch my newly acquired She-Wolf of London DVDs and laugh at the assholes that have to cheat on play money games that can't make it look real and feel the need to taunt me while working on the Guinness Book of World Records record for the longest run on sentence that has ever been made in the history of mankind since we evolved from clams as Scientology tells we did so eloquently in the book by their founder L. Ron Hubbard who was homophobic like Tom and probably never even considered that an Asian Hottie was more important than defrauding people out of millions of dollars while building up his cult and certainly never expected that someone like Jarah would become a vastly more important person than he was during his drug addled life while violently spewing out how drugs were awful and had such a short attention span like nobody else does and

Oh look! A puppy on TV!

Where have all the True Yobbos gone?

A year ago, at least when I was a table controlled by someone playing multiple positions (i.e admin) True Yobbo would chat up a storm, and fairly meaningful "I'm a real person acknowledging your existence" chat, I could get the satisfaction of folding largifical numbers of hands and know that my bullseye was on target. Rather, the bullseye was targeted on me.

The chat has quieted down a lot (i.e. - new update installed) and I've met a host of allegedly never played against before positions that I only get to see once. Then, since they are part of the 70,000 to 100,000+ players on PokerStars at any given time I never bump into them again.

I now have two consecutive sit and go games on the ever popular fills up in seconds (cough cough) 7-2 lowball where I've butted heads with matty9569.

I'm sure that some excuse could be created if called out, but matty, allegedly from Italy with the avatar of the ugly baby was a completely different personality from last night to tonight. Last night as the winner the AI was set to use up all the time and fold, and managed to use up the entire time bank and drag the game out. I still took second. Tonight, UBG (ugly baby guy) was a lot more professional and a factor into the game late, but didn't finish in the money like my second consecutive second place.

No time outs. No ridiculous fantastic cards to raise on. There is obviously one of three things going on.

First the excuse. UBG was controlled by an inconsiderate douche last night. And UBG was controlled by a relative that knows the password tonight - that just happens to be playing at my 'normal' time.

Second, it's just a stable of names that gets updated whenever there is a new update installed.

Third, an eight year old that is pissed off that I haven't been posting any new Jarah pictures. This is obviously the most logical. Therefore my apology to UBG and others:

WE APOLOGIZE:

Me and my crack team of posting hot asian women pictures experts (me, the dog and the SOHAWA- the Society of Hot Asian Women Appricieaters) have run into a drought of new Jarah picks available on the internet. We have tried to compensate by putting some substitutes up, but recognize that even this gal dressed in my middle school green and yellow colors cannot match her total hotaliciousness.

We also recognize and apologize for folding so many hands that would have lost. We realize that last night when we were taunted that Xenu has "NO BALZ" that it's expected that we call into rigged winners and that it upsets you that we have folded. Despite the fact that I was all in on the first hand versus someone posted before the game "HEY SCRUBS. HOPE YOU ALL LOSE." We apologize for doubting your humanity by being a second 'player' at the table posting in capslock.

SOHAWA member will not engage in family get togethers for Thanksgiving, we will actively search for new pictures of the divine goddess Jarah and will log into poker tables and purposefully play to lose.

Thank you for your time.

SOHAWA Chairman of the Board
The Dog

PS - I will look for you UBG with the search feature so I can make amends for offending you by not losing- GAYAGSH (Green and Yellow Asian Girl Seen Here. Do you like my hat?)

And Here's the Asian babe of the day

Blogger wouldn't let me add it to the last post. Some stupid rule about too many brainwashed alien parasites. David Miscavige has been hacking into my PC.

Sit and Go Land Mines

This was actually a little bit of a surprise. After an intense marathon weekend of poker, booze, tormenting the neighbor's cat and getting cheated at Microsoft Hearts I managed to get myself back to a healthy 42k balance on PokerStars.

I can't play Single Draw all the time.Watching someone play for high hand on the first hand on so many tables gets to be a bit of a yawnfest. A 10k Single Draw table beckoned tonight, but I yawned it off and purposefully chose a 2k buy in since I was hoping to just play some cards and not have to worry about the bullshit.

Now, why this is so surprising is that as my crack team of rule break identifiers (me and the dog) have identified that the time bank is NOT working right on PokerStars. Real people in the real world get a friendly warning that they have 15 seconds to act. Then if you use that up you get 60 extra seconds, which you can spread out over several hands until it's used up. The bonehead in the upper left did not get a time bank. This has become a pattern that is popping up more frequently than someone playing for high on the first hand of lowball. And it just reeks of pre-programmed cards.

So, I said to myself, "Self, you've got a good hand with AK. Let's fold it because you know you're going to lose. Time to fold 20 hands in a row, get short stacked and maybe make a comeback and finish nin the money."

Then I remembered. If I'm at table that doesn't follow the rules I'm probably destined to get a decent screen shot. And it's only 2k, and me and my crack team of B grade 1980's TV series experts (me and the dog) do have all 20 episodes of She Wolf of London to get through. Kate Hodge is probably the hottest non-Asian babe on the planet.

OK- you had a good hand, too. Probably not worth raising 1/3rd of your chips. However this is something that can (and will) be duplicated.Every time I have a decent starter hand when no time bank is offered I will call.

Taking Command

Internet poker has some great excuses for the lack of serious play. I've seen it all. "Last hand. I've got to go!" The slutty chatty chick (because chicks can't be good at poker) and the ever famous raise on every single hand.

It's only natural to try and take command on the first hand of the game. If you have a hand. Far too often on internet poker there are two players with complete bullshit getting into an existential pissing match where the cards are "my crap is less crappy than your crap."

If these are real people that can buy into a 10k game they must have done nothing with their life but eat, drink, pee, shit, diddle themselves and play more poker.

Fold a hand every once in awhile if you're playing for real.

My tried and true formula still holds. Fold like crazy for the first 15-20 hands. When you've finally folded a hand that would have won you're short stacked, but you can finally get some chippies.

Gotta diddle. Bye.

Off Topic

It's no big secret I'm a fan of gorgeous Asian women.

Yesterday we lost one. So young, so much ahead of you and despite wealth and celebrity you found the only way out was to take your own life.

My prayers go out to your family and friends.

The Grandma Incident

Congratulations UB. Your new interface has eliminated two of your biggest problems. The Ultimate Buddy search for the obviously rigged position is gone. And it looks like you can't play the rigged Elimination Blackjack for free any more.

Carfree, whimsical and unpredictable me tried a pot limit hold'em tourney for my first go on the new graphics. Whereby, I had the astoundalifical experienciation of meeting Grandma33333 (plus or minus some threes, who is counting.)

Grandma whined about the slow play, and within two hands let the total clock slip by without making a poker move. The cover story - had to help the wife move boxes. Which was posted before losing a ton of chips after winning a big hand and the clear chip leader.

This brings out the Pustule in me. After all, I am probably the foremost festering boil on internet poker free money tables.And aside from the card play and my ages ago month long investigation into the naming yourself process when registering-

Exactly how the hell did you name yourself Grandma33333(+/-)? Helping the wife suggests you are a male. Grandma suggests you are a female. And why Grandma33333(+/-)? Was Grandma22222 already taken? Do the Keebler elves really exist?

(Sorry, dog's suggestion - not my fault.)

Now, me and my crack team of online poker registration experts (me, the dog and the Asian hottie of the day shown here) think that there's maybe just a slight, microscopical chance that these maybe might not be real people.

When you make your deposit, you decide.

My what a surprise. I've never seen a PokerStars lowball game where some idiocious incompomoron played the first two hands for high. Oh wait, it happens like 50% of the time. And my database reviewing these tables is literally in the hundreds.

I love busting on the major sites since they supposillifically are loaded with allegically real players that don't play like real players, but those that know me understand I like to play on the oddball sites, too.

A ways ago back I spent a significant time on NLOP. Nice change of pace. You play for points instead of free money chips. And if you finish in the top 100 you get to play for the fantasticoricious prize of the week. $1,000. A cruise to Somalia. A date with this Asian hottie. Two free passes to the new Tom Cruise movie.

The catch - you can buy points to getting into the big final table by clicking on ads. Cute. Different. Bogus. Years ago I gave up wasting my time there. Omaha Hi Lo and behold I started receiving emails from Pure Play.

Pure Play never officially acknowledged connections with NLOP, but graphically it was pretty obvious to see that they were affiliated.So as I test a potential new site to apply my own special brand of love to, I eventually discover Pure Play requires a membership fee.

I don't think so. Me and my crack team of not paying membership fees (me and the dog) find it amusing that I continue to get free points even though we never completed the registration process and paid a bogus membership fee.

Just like Scientology, internet poker is getting desperate to keep the addicted lifeblood flowing. And those that might actually just want to relax and play cards for a few hours while Googleing Asian hotties have to suffer.

Pure Play - I'm not going to play on your site until there's no fee. I have 2,387 bogus poker sites where I can waste my time with.

It's my story, and I'm sticking by it

The worst hand in internet poker free money hold'em games is a pair of kings. Not because it's a bad hand, but because there is no hand that suffers more bad beats than this. Expect a heavy dose of this over the next few months, because I get a pair of kings a ton of times. And I'm smart enough to have my Dragonfly Sense tingling to fold them almost instantly and watch someone flop a straight.

(Dragonfly sense- Superhero Movie is out and it includes a parody of the Tom Cruise Scientology video!)

Another story I'm sticking by- this is total bullshit that there aren't any new Jarah pics out there. I get like 7 phone calls every 7 years asking me why they aren't posted. Rumor has it that this Asian hottie has absolutely no relation to Jarah, never saw a picture of Jarah, never even heard of Jarah and never walked Jarah's dog or shared ice cream with Jarah.

The jury is still out on this. I think she walked Jarah's dog twice when she was ten years old.

Now, back to some more meaningful stuff - the PokerStars bouncy baby registration screen.

It's not a purposeful make the real human not be able to reg into the game he wants to thing. It's simply a matter of AI instantly logging into their games. And since I'm on to what's going on, more concerned about lack of real human behavior than winning chips, thinking way outside the box and nailing Asian quadruplets I get to see a registration screen that doesn't make any sense.

It's sorted by when it was offered. And within seconds there are 14 positions filled.

Jarah's dog walker calls "Bullshit."

Pay attention

If you're willing to fold a few hands instead of rushing into the instinctive reaction to call or heaven forbid raise on the first decent hand you get the opportunity exists to catch internet poker on some pretty stupid crap. My beloved lowball game on PokerStars has been out of control lately. The log-in screen continues to bounce around all over the place making it a challenge to merely select the table you want to play on. And it continues to be a good, solid 50% of the tables that has someone playing for high.

Me and my crack team of playing for the low winning hand (me, the dog and ahomeless person I made the mistake of giving some change to) sat in on a table tonight with something I've also seen with fair regularity. Yep, eat some fiber and your poop is solid.

OK, 'splain (still one of my favorite words and it is a real word, or at least it will be when I strap dynamite across my chest and visit Webster's Dictionary next week) why jackwipe number one doesn't get a time bank, but jackwipe#2 does? I'll tell you why- jackwipe #1 didn't pay the Race Table tax the last time he played Omaha High Lo. Jackwipe #2 did and dutifully went all in and lost 300,000 chips in 40 hands.

Good news for you PokerStars...I'm back over ten k and I'll probably be tempted to blow my wad in one ten k buy in table tomorrow night. Does about 7pm EST work for you? Do you want to prepare to make a lame attempt at making it look for real? Or do you weant to continue the admin "I'm allowed to break the rules and toggle cheat mode" skankfullidity?

(Webster's has been reluctant to admit this is a real word. Fucking skankfulls.)

The scoring system

It's a given that playing on the free money tables on internet poker is not on the up and up.I've been questioned many times on why this is so. The answer - evil admins. And after hacing into itsjustbenandjerryicecreamnotriggedpoker.com I have the answer. Internet poker has the equivalent of emploee of the month. The winner gets as much ice cream as they want. If they top 1000 points in a month they get dinner with Lucy

Every hand real human folds- +1

Every hand real human calls on crap +6

Every hand real human calls on marginl cards +2

Every hand real human calls on good cards +1

Every hand real human posts chat +2

Every hand real human posts nh meaning that it was a really nice hand- +1

Every hand real uman posts nh sarcasically - +3

Bad beat real hman on the river- +2

Bad beat real human on the river - +1

Score a major potty mouth flameout ny real human +25

Acknoweldge real human existence -10

Trade chips to low stack --5

Cuddle with Jarah + 1,000,000

Winner gets the ice cream.

Get some street creds - get a Scientology tatoo

A Xenu tatoo would go a long way for making me believe that this is for real. I asked Lucy to get one, but she's way too embarrassed to be involved with something as fradulent as Scientology. Fortunately for me since our strip internet poker session. Lucy does stupid shit like call with the worst hand in internet poker- a pair of kings.

And she has the audacity to believe that a real person would log in to a poker site, register for a lowball game and watch jackwipes play like high hand wins. I hate her for this, but watching the Ben and Jerry's slip off her mouth makes me think- wow- That could have been my cream!

Enough vulgarity. Let's think about this. You're allegedly a real person and you are maybe bluffing with crap. And another alleged person with crap calls and or raises you? Do you do the honorable fold, or do you reraise and hope they fold?

Me and my crack team of getting stastically crappy cards (me and the dog) think things might just a wee tad rigged. And get this- the dog (through his dolphin translator) suggests that I've painted a big bullseye on myself.

I did. And I love it.

Fuck you Dorphin! Fuck you whare!

Intelnet pokel sucks. South Palk rures.

Poker betting can be cured by Scientology!

You know what I'm talking about.

The Price of Ben and Jerry's has DOUBLED in the last 7 months. Jarah is way pissed.

By their choice, PokerStars has decided I'm not worthy of playing big buy in sit and go games with obviously fradulent play/stastically unreasinable cards and draws on their single draw lowball game that I love more than a vicious ice cream headache and pulling out an ingrown toenail with a pair of nail clippers.Add to the list- I love it more than hold'em, winning (we'll get back to that one) and finding out that some high ranking Church of Scientology member has bolted since "the writing is on the wall."

300 buy in game. Naturally you would expect the play to not be very professional. But please explain, now that I have played more than 100 lowball sit and goes why something like half of them start with the first hand having someone on a seven player table so clueless that they play for high. Skank goes all in with bullshit and wins the first hand after the patsy with a semi-respectable decent starter hand miraculously catches two pair.

If Skank was a real human playing competively, the hand would have been folded. Or after being called out on it might have tried discarding more than one card.

But that's not the way AI works on internet poker. Kudos for making Skank a consistently annoying big raiser that recognized it was a lowball game. I've played enough of these to see the pattern is to create two (the paid positions) players that are the experts and the real human has to struggle through extremely crappy cards and irrational all-ins to have a chance. Fortunately I know the system and I did finish second by folding 846,290 hands.

And the registration process continues to be insane. The screen is updated once every nanosecond and bounces all over the place that in a low sit and go game it's next to impossible to pick the table you want to be at. However, maybe, just maybe, if I pay the Church of Scientology $500,000 and get my magical OT superpowers I can transform myself into artificial intelligence and register at any table I want.

Yeah, and maybe my crack team of army of the dead fighters (me and the dog) can stop Bad Ash from recovering the Book of the Dead from the tower.

The solution to making the play money games look real is simple. The millions of people playing need to get some Scientology auditing and the brainwashed alien parasite that makes them bet like a total jackass can be removed.

Geez, if poker pros had seen 1 280 thousandeth of the weird crap I've seen.

I will catch you with a more telling screen shot if you keep this up. SLOOOOWWWWW table. I obliged them by playing slow. Screw it, I can tell I'm not destined to win. Mikey timed out on this hand and used his total time bank. His hand wasn't folded. There's a bet on the table and yet here is Mikey still waiting and not folded. And since I hit the 15 second wartning RAR has the audacity to complain about my slow play, not Mikey.

Well admins, if you get to keep breaking the rules and toggle cheat mode, you're just going to have to live with my response. (Or you could ban me from the site.)

There's no site that presents more obvious rule breaks than this one, and most of them are about the time bank. It's long past time to hire a competent programmer and fix this up. Me and my crack team of programmers (me and the dog) will provide a competitive quote.

The ever famous sitter table

OK, now I'm pissed off. The pace of new Jarah pictures is far lower than the pace of bogus poker pictures.

I'm hope your proud of yourself PokerStars. For the third time in the last three weeks I've started over with the free 1k. I guess I'm suppossed to be intimidated and get the feeling that I'm just not a very good poker player. It doesn't work that way. I'm insanely competitive, maybe just insane. Me and my crack team of psychologists (me, the dog, Tom Cruise and Tommy Davis) think it's more likely that these real "people" I'm playing against are insane.

Why on Teegeack (Scientology's name for Earth when Xenu blew up the soon to be brainwashed alien parasites that are bringin' you down) would you register for a table and just not play?The only good excuse I can think of is that you're surfing the net for new Jarah pics. If so, please let me know where they are. I am getting fairly desperate.

The only other two active positions at this table presented a host of problems in the nonhumaninacal (it's a word!) sense. First off the early chip leader won the first four hands. Granted the probability is increased since it's a table of less than seven for all practical purposes.

Smocer, foregetting where he was called a big vacuum bet with a ten high straight flush on a lowball game. I was so numbstruck and dumbstruck I missed the screenshot.

Both called virtually every hand. I was the only serious participant smart enough to fold one pre-flop every once in a while. Ordinarily I would accuse the site of playing to make me lose instead of playing to win, but somehow I managed first. I guess I get the joy of losing tomorrow night when I buy into a 2k medium game instead of the baby tables.

What's the worst starter hand?

One site that will go without a name becuase they are to gay to even begin to think of random cards actually offered a tournament where 7-2 off was the worst hand you could have.

For internet poker, the worst hand you can have is a pair of kings.

Long ago before PokerStars figured out I was on to the scam, I was delivered three consecutive pocket kings which is a stastical anomaly that should never be experienced. Full Tilt hates me to. And the lack of random cards presents lots more fun with a pair of kings. You have a great hand, but naturally your all in is met with some jackass who should never had enough chips to even be at the table calling you and catching and matching his ace.

The worst hand in poker is the second best hand, not the hand you can happily fold.

Do you guys have like quotas or something? Watch the real human get fucked over and laugh at the flame out posted in chat? Very Scientologyish. (it's a word!)Except it's just free money chips and nobody is expected to be succesful enough to get their chip stack high enough to see that the play on the free money tables is obviously snot doodle.

Bring it on Full Tilt, I'm back over a million and won chips in two consecutive bogus tourneys. Giuve me some screen shots. Jarah rules, you suck.

Those were the good old days

Suntitle- the whiner part 2.

On Full Tilt, in the good old days you could fold the first twenty hands on a hold'em two table sit and go (before you finally started to get some decent cards), but now it's fair game deep into the tourney.

The other "players" as always are quite unconcerned about chips. They have already invested millions of free money chips on the free money stock market and made tons of free money dividends and had sex with their free money wives and played free money golf with their free money golf buddies and eaten free money dinner at the classy free money restaurant and chortled at free money jokes and bought free money garden seed for their free money gardens and challenged their free money Playstation games and win free money experience points and just do so much with their free money lives that they have nothing better to waste their free money on than making my life miserable.

Reminder- I am not some clueless rookie that raises as fast as at the drop of Jarah's phone number as listed on "stalkasianhotties.com" I've played a ton of hands, and I can tell when I'm being played with.

In the meantime, my Full Tilt stack is dropping faster than Jarah's ride down the escalator. Just like PokerStars, if I have to I will start over with the 1k minimum. Your choice. Random cards and I go away, or I keep screwing with you. Me and my crack team of personality assessment specialists (me, the dog and the living members of the undefeated 1972 Miami Dolphins football team) expecdt that the play will continue to be limitless free money chip stacks raising every time they aren't finding something meaningful to do with their life or looking at "stalksasianhotties.com."

Alas Single Draw 7-2 Lowball, Why Have Though Forsaken Me?

Did we not eatest enough of thy Ben and Jerry's? Havest we noteth paid enough homage to thy goddess the exquisite Jarah? Are thy admins workingeth against us?

You betcha.

You don't become the foremosteth critic of internet poker on the planet without a price. And the price I pay is non-random cards, and some other silly nonsense I'll get to in a bit. Now please remember, I'm in this for the long haul. I play A LOT. If I put half the effort into my job as I do on internet poker free money tables my boss would be a happy campereth.

One might expect that playing so many sit and go games as I do that the cards would average out. Currently on PokerStars 7-2 lowball this is definitely not the case. I just played two of them where the average winning hand was like a nine low- and I was the only one not getting them. One 75432 in two tourneys, no 8 lows, and two nine lows that were losers because the amount of 7 and 8 low hands was insane.

Funnier is registering and this is something I haven't seen since my first stint on PF years ago. Even registering for the game is a challenge. The AI registers so fast the reg screen bounces up and down once every two seconds. Trying to click on a table to register is something that surely can only be completed successfully by AI.

Enjoy your day and your ice cream.