Oh look. I tawt I taw a bunny wabbit! But I digwess, and will now give up on the Elmer Fudd nonsense.
OK, here's the setting. Eighteen players two tables. Let's assume that everyone has got some skill. It is a 2k buy in. They only give you 1k freebies, so you've improved yourself. Therefore, as a rational human being you can expect that you are going to play your cards. That is, the cards will dictate your actions to some extent, not just your far too often overly aggressive personality. And I'm talking to you Genghis! Put the freaking axe down or we WILL have a problem. Ow! Bitch!
Genghis is now eating an entire tub of Ben and Jerry's and trying to make time with Sora. So I can proceed. I must admit in many respects that they do make a cute couple. Genghis! That's my baby oil! KNOCK IT OFF!
As I continue to get crappy hand after crappy hand I reflect on the fact that every single position other than me has made at least one big raise. And there's lots of calls and reraises. So, everybody but me is getting some cards to play. I have three options. I can go all in on my first decent hand (which in this case would have lead to me being bad beaten.) I can just give up. Or, I can do the poker investigators top choice of continuing to receive crap cards and watch the insanity unfold.
The results: Made the final table without winning a hand. More than 100 hands dealt with one pair - 2s. Only one hand I was interested in - the bad beat that I avoided. And not folding a single hand that would have been a winner if I had stayed in.
Sadly, this may not be possible to duplicate every day like the nonsense race tables, but it happens way too often. Since your precious hand histories don't log free money games (my how convenient) nobody but me and the dog will ever know.
As I fold each of a chain of crappy hands I am thinking - OK, it can't be this bad for so long. One last chance for credibility. What a schmuck I am. Internet poker has less credibility than -
Bernie Madoff (although Genghis likes him because he's also a Khan man)
Slime Mold
Scientology (although Genghis likes him because he's also a Khan man)
Extenze
New Age healing
Professional wrestling
Drawing Tippy the Turtle off the matchbook art scholarships
Lint bunnies
Festering sores
The Sex and the City tv show
The Nigerian 419 scam (although Gebghis likes the prince because he's also a Khan man)
The Ebola virus
Jim Carrey
Fatal gunshot wounds
...................................................................................
I trust you get the point.
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