Full Tilt Matrix - The Update on the Match

The chess... I mean poker match of the century continued tonight.

For the past several months I've enjoyed busting on PokerStars for the most multitudinous(real word) use of stupiful(real word) excuses to present artificial intelligence as real people. But as a side bar I play an occasional Full Tilt Matrix game to shake things up a bit.

When this chess...I mean poker match first started I played two consecutive matrices (real word...I mean it this time, it really is) where I finished with positive point flow. I guess they got on to me and the next two weren't so good.

Let's call tonights matrix a draw. I only lost 600 chips while folding virtually every hand. That makes the match score 2 wins 2 losses and 1 draw. But with the equivalent of one of two chess players showing up drunk and incapable of functioning.

And the arrogant inglowreus baztards (real words spelled different from the real words in the movie title) make it waaaay to easy to fold and investigate. For years I've kept track, mentally and on paper, of my hold'em hole cards. Math tells me that playing so many hands I should on average get a certain number of aces and pairs in a certain number of deals. Since I survived so long - the last player on all four tables - 50 minutes times whatever number of hands per minute I am sure I saw more than 100 flops. And that's conservative.

My reward? One pair of nines. The aces weren't too bad, but the one pair thing is just rigged to Hi-Lo heaven.

Now, let's examine the one fold I screenshotted (real word). I catch a set on the flop. Real human poker indicates a raise. As I died last week when Sora Aoi responded to my email about getting together for a drink and the massive coronary that ensued I find myself resurrected by two teenage witches and forced to play in this relatively meaningless game against these allegedly real people. Therefore I don't raise, not being real, and avoid the worst bad beat of the night.

I think I've used this before, but it's been awhile. One of my favorite Simpsons scenes before I stopped watching them when I found out Nancy Cartwright was a Scientologist was when Homer became a TV star and picked his name from the hair dryer.

Homer: There's three ways to do things. The right way. The wrong way. And the Max Power way!
Bart: But isn't that also the wrong way?
Homer: Yes, but faster!

Full Tilt Matrix is just an excuse to cheat you faster.