Wanted:
Internet poker needs highly skilled poker players to administrate free money table games. Because of the downturn in the global economy, the resulting layoffs and the rebound in the global economy we have 1,200 new positions available to be filled.
The basic requirements are:
1) Absolutely no concept of basic math.
2) Must be at least 18 years of age, but must play like a two year old regardless of actual age.
3) No morality whatsoever.
4) Willingness to call directory assistance for numbers you easily could look up on your own.
5) Must know the keyboard to type the following combinations of letters/numbers -
nh
vnh
ty
tyvm
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
g1
g81
wtf?
6) Willingness to play and lose on a race table.
7) Admission that Jarah Mariano is a Goddess.
Other qualities will improve your chances of being hired.
1) You should be able to get along with others. Especially AI.
2) Some travel is required. The occasional trip to the fridge to get another Mountain Dew happens regularly.
3) Previous mastery of the time bank is desired. The willingness to be an annoying douche for no reason is a big plus. And the extra wasted time is the reason for all the Mountain Dew.
4) Experience in willingness to taunt both verbally and by your table actions is desired.
If you make it through the probationary period, the company will pay for acting courses. You will learn to feed the winner and look like it's innocent. You will learn to pretend you are a hot, slutty chick. You will learn the trick of making the phrase "I have to go." look believable when you stay in on the pot instead of just disconnecting.
Initial compensation is an infinite free money chip stack. Cost of living raises will be made annually to ensure your ability to pay the free money mortgage, buy your free money clothes and free money food and give the free money pizza guy some great free money tips.
If interested -
Call directory assistance.
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