Jarah Mariano Complex

That's what my psyciatrist says I have. A disease afflicting approximately 868,000 men on the planet. An obsession over the most perfect thing on the planet third to putting on warm clothes fresh out of the dryer and playing internet poker.

I can't upload my incompatible file from a bank chain explaining how you can't use your account to play illegal internet poker. So sad, because the competition is so intensively fun ( cough cough) and i get the chance to win so many megalopible (it's a word) bucks that this is something I really, really, really want to do.

It's only once every 4 and 1/4 years that I bump into a completely unreasoable table like tonight on PokerStars. On a single table free money game (since the Feds will nail you if you play for real money) with the first two or three positions being paid out, for the umpteenamillionish(real word) time I am again in an existential pissing match with two chip leaders that constantly get the joy of raising every hand while I get the joy of watching if my hand is even worthy of a call, much less a raise. And this was a 10k buy in game - where eactly did you get the chips players 3 through 7 to buy into this table? Jarah took note how the first victim sat out then played like an idiot. The dog noticed that the second victim raised all in and stood pat on an Ace high in our lowball game. He's good at that while I'm eating Ben and Jerry's. That's why he's part of my crack team.

I took a quick look at the Omaha Hi-Lo tables. Same old race table nonsense. I didn't have to play a hand to see it was obvious. My challenge stands open. Poker pros and any casual players that are playing for real money- take a break from your busy life and log in to the not illegal free money games. There's a lot of weird shiboola (not a word, but I'm sure you know what I mean) out there that makes it pretty obvious the cards are not random and the "players" aren't playing seriously.

Jesus cried.
Jarah cried more. Because I ate all the Ben and Jerry's.

Editor's note: I have never actually eaten Ben and Jerry's ice cream. I appreciate your lawyers sending me those friendly messages but the use of your familair brand name is for comedic effect. I have also never beaten a cub Scout to death with a carrot like I've been accused of. Even though the little bastard dressed up in a Girl Scout uniform and tried to sell me cookies.