Sicentology + Internet Poker = Scienpokerology

Let me tell you a story. Grab a cup of iced coffee and kick back. Put on your flip-flops and eat a bowl of Cheerios.

Finished with breakfast? OK, here we go.

Billions of years ago the evil intergalactic overlord Xenu knew he had a problem with overpopulation of free money chips on internet poker sites. So, with the aid of psychiatrists he lured people into his shack behind the flophouse by demanding that they be audited for taxes. Once these people with way too many free money chips were gathered, Xenu froze them and stored them on rocket ships that looked like DC8 airplanes.

Xenu then dropped these people into the volcanoes of Jarah's homeland of Hawaii (despite what my crack team of geographers say dinn't exist at the time.)and blew them to smithereens with nuclear weapons. The chips were free from their captors,and they floated to the sky. But, Xenu was prepared for this. He built giant chip catchers and named them PokerStars, Absolute, Ultimatebet and a host of others.

After capturing these free money chips, Xenu sent them to giant brainwashing stations. There he implanted false images of random cards, Tom Cruise, global pyramid schemes, obedient dogs and hot Asian women.

After being brainwashed the chips were released. And when man evolved from brine shrimp and tiny pieces of leprechauns keft over from the first shooter new age war, the brainwashed chips attached themselves to man (and some hotties) and these are the cause of all of our troubles today.

All of our fears, troubles and bad relationships can be eliminated by Scienpokerology auditing. All you need to do is buy a "p meter" and register for an online game and the meaningless free money chips will be taken away. Scienpokerity also created the race table to enhance your auditing experience. Going all in every hand will get you to OT and you'll be one with the MEST and you'll have no worries about the Martian Bishop running you over with a steamroller. Lisa MacPherson will protect you and feed you free money chips.

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Okay.
That was weird.

In my misbegotten life I've identified a couple of things that don't make sense. First and foremost is the lack of serious play on intenet poker sites. If you're going to play like a jackass and go all in every hand, you must be really, really bored. (if you were a real person and not just a computer program.)

Now, me and my crack team of scared of thunderstorms experts (again, just the dog....and dammit we're getting pretty sick of it) have noticed that you can't steamroll a Martian doll in this town without sitting at a table without some "person" making an irrational pre-flop raise. All you have to do is go to PokerFrauds and buy in to any multitable low limit game.

For more info on the scam of Scientology visit Operation Clambake and South Park season 9 episode - Trapped in the Closet