As you are all aware by now, I enjoy the occasional hot Asian tasty treat.
Pork Lo Mein with pork fried rice. The only thing that could make it more perfectfulicious (real word) is if it was bacon instead of pork. Same animal. What the hell, close enough.
So as I indulge in my once a week lunch treat I open the fortune cookies (they always give you two) and one tells me, "Your patience could test the sands of time."
Bow Howdy, you got that right. And patience has three chapters in my Guide to Surviving Internet Poker. It's obvious that my opponents have not read the book. It's like they are possessed by Satan to Raise constantly. Which, by the way is how the devil ray got its name. Marine biologists in the middle of an intense poker game would start to bet heavily after too much rum. Several of the beasts would attack the ship and they became to be known as "devil raise fish."
I will give PokerStars a tiny bit of credit. Since the US Justice Department has slammed the door on the real money play they've had more time to put admins in free money games and they look marginally more realistic. At times I get the sense I could play it straight up and not be super duper ultrapatient and maybe be ok.
But, I need several more months of better than it used to be before I have the court stenographer issue any kind of royal proclamation.
As my Guide explains and has oft been posted here, there are two standards I play by when on a two table 18 player game. Don't take it seriously until you folded a hand that would have won. And don't take it seriously until you've been dealt an ace. The first SHOULD be the limiting criteria - the one of the two that is second to be filled. You'd be surprised how often the simple matter of being dealt an ace becomes problematic.
In the first screen shot - I've made it to the final table and one player has already been eliminated until I was dealt my first ace. (Check your precious hand histories and alter them so that you can deny this fact.) The only reason I've survived is because of the guide's rules. In fact, I still have enough chips to make an impact on a non-rigged hand.
I finally won my first pot after getting down below 900 chips and finished in the money.
The point is, on a bad night you might go many, many, many, many hands beyond the statistical average of 6.5 before getting an ace. But when it gets to be over thirty and your at the final table you really have to start questioning the integrity of the cards as "random." If twos were aces I would have been the chip leader at this point.
But, PokerStars is safe and secure in doing this time and time again because it's not like I can prove it. All I can do is get Jarah to bat her eyelashes at my audience and say, "Trust me, it's true!" and I'm sure they'll melt and see things my way.
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Now, the second screen shot. On a personal note I find the use of the word "rape" as a joke about the outcome of a hand to be juvenile, offensive and uncalled for. Yes, I drop an occasional F-bomb. Yes, I have an ongoing joke about Asian women that comes of as demeaning. However, the language and Asian women refernces are meant to provide comic relief as I deliver my main point. I'm not saying this to defend my own actions as much as to condone use of the word "rape" in comic relief. It's right up there with calling people retards and faggots and jokes about how some poor bastard got leukemia or AIDS. Don't do it.
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