The Comical Poker PR Campaign Marches On.

With a lot of the good old style cheating I've known to come and love.

We are back to the basics here. At one time in my misbegotten so called life I spent ages on Full Tilt marking down my hole cards on the Hold Em games and after losing marvelling at the exceptional low quality and lack of reasonability I'd shake it off, remind myself I have skill and torture the neighbor's cat with fireworks.

Let's get it out of the way now - neighbors around me don't have cats. Poor taste in comic relief. Because cat meat is pretty tough and stringy and has a decidely off taste. Especially when killed by fireworks.

Time out- legal counsel has reminded me to lay off the cat eating jokes. I suppose I'm not even allowed to make a crack about eating Asian pu....

Dammit Bob, OK, no more off color eating cat jokes. I promise. (Until you fucking stop staring over my shoulder you...HI Bob! You wonderful person! Ben and Jerry's in the fridge! Jarah videos! Ointment in the midicne cabinet!)

God I hat Bob, because he's so damn sensible.

Anyway. I prefer to not complain too much about the bad beats, because my share of them has stabilized into something resembling pokerifical (real word) normality. But deeply rooted in mankind's primal fears amidst being attacked by rampaging mastodons and hunting sabre-tooth tigers for lunch I have

"NO BOB. Not talking about eating cats!" Jeez. So..."Bob, I haven't made a cat flavored Ben and Jerry's reference. Just oh, play some dominoes or something!" (With my luck there is surely some pizza flavor with cat meat on it, but I think I have a couple of minutes.)

Now if you've made it this far you either hate Internet Poker, are a fan of the Big Laydown, are extremely stoned or just hate cats. Me and my crack team of cat haters (me and the dog) have noticed that PokerStars has returned to the most tried and true form of policing the game.

Septic Tanks.

(Sorry - thought Bob was watching.)

The most tried and true.

"Hi Bob. No as you can see I'm talking about septic tanks with my friend Hugh Laurie."

"Goodnight."

RANDOM CARDS. Or the extreme lack thereof. It's amusifical (real word) how PokerStars simply just can't make the game random. Even when it would give them about 2 days more of credibility. But that's not as important as cheating people on free money games.

Oh yes, PokerStars. I'll deal with you tomorrow. I'll be watching. Maybe the notebook will come out of retirement. And since in my delusional state I see Bob as a Bobcat and Hugh Laurie as a Housecat I'm suddenly come over all peckish. Both would go well with a Chianti and some fava beans. Good night Bob.

Yes.....good night.

PS No legal counsel was eaten during the typing of this post. Lawyers as dinner. Seriously? And when Hugh Laurie finds out about this I'm toast. With fava beans and a nice Chianti.