The Ever Popular No All In Bet

As a conservative and highly suspicious person I always ask the guy from the natural gas company for ID. Occasionally I get backed into a corner where there is no ID, but I just know that when I light up that cigarette that I will be blown to kingdom come and need to go all in on faith.

The desperate need to go all in is factored into PokerStars betting algorithms. (For any newbiews, we're talking about the hordes of AI that infest this and have always infested poker sites.)

A quick time out - since I can still duplicate this every day. And I will. The insanity of playing slow is still out there. Two different tables where multiple players have to take enough time to hit the 14 second warning. On the same night. Annoying for the sake. And we aren't talking about Japanese adult beverages.

Maybe I'm just frustrated because within a couple of seconds I can make a decision on whether to call or fold. Or maybe since it didn't use to be this way I'm on to something. You decide.

Now, back to the main story. Jarah is keeping the baby. The murder trial is about to start, but the key witness is trying to flee the country. Johnny has pronounced his love for Julia, but he knows that her father doesn't approve of him. Lorissa is...er...

Sorry, that's my Genital Hospital soap opera blog.

OK. Let me guess what's going on here. These are 10k buy in games I've been playing which suggest that there might be some skill involved if you are a real hum. You have something like 865 chips left, i.e. short stacked. You have just called pre-flop. And the only player on the table still active raises you 700 chips. After 17 days, 3 hours and 14 minutes my Mathex 1407z (calculator I bought at the airport) tells me that if I lose I will have 165 chips left. Which since I was already short stacked to begin with is basically meaningless.

The real and human thins to do are either fold or go all in. But time and again I see players that supposedly have some skill based on the buy in doing the weirdest shit.

This includes the kissing cousin of the lack of all in bet - the folding when there was no raise. I guess since "muck" rhymes with "fuck" your mommy will wash your mouth out with soap and you don't want that to happen.

Think about what she'll do to you when you look at pictures of hot Asian chicks on the Internet.

Not
real
people.

Spanish High School Dropouts LOVE Internet Poker

Again. Third night in a row with an insanely slow table after warning them what my current focus is, i.e. what kind of mentality registers to play internet poker within the past couple of months and deliberately plays slow to be annoying just for the sake of being annoying. We got ourselves a little bit of a side bar here. (And not the side dishes at the Bonanza buffet - a "sub story" (which is not the side dishes at a Subway buffet.))

More than an hour and a half and there's been only two lines of chat I've seen. A very pedestrian "zzzzzzzzzzzzz" - someone had to complain about it since I wouldn't. And this little gem:

Crei ke eras tu

My first thought was that this wasn't Spanish, which the screenshot shows is the homeland of this player. Et tu brute - my guess Latin. The actual answer is even more laughable. There's a Spanish song with the name "Crei que eras tu."

My memory of my high school Spanish tells me that 'que' is actually a pretty basic word. "Que hora es?" (Sorry I can't put the backwards question mark before that.) "What hour (or time) is it?" 'Que' is 'what'.

There are six possible reasons for this:

1) Spanish speaking person that dropped out of high school and never learned proper grammar.

2) Spanish speaking person recovering from a brutal grain thresher accident, on some serious pain meds and managed to get everything right but the "ke."

3) Lithuanian terrorsits have forced this person at gunpoint to purposefully mistype.

4) This person wants their 15 minutes of fame by making it to my blog, complete with all the rewards and glory that this encompasses.

5) Admin that just screwed up.

6) Real person that tried to deceive the Internet poker community and faking that they are from Spain. The benefits that this strategy has are unmeasurable, they are so off the chart. It's right up there with the 13 year old boy pretending he's a 21 year old lesbian girl. I know, because I have tried to pretend I'm a 21 year old Spanish lesbian in chat rooms....(time out while my Calculificon ASx313 (my Hewlett Packard calculator)

0 times.

Crap. That can't be right.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

What's really disturbing is that I've had two 2nd places and a 3rd in the last three tables. When weird shit like this happens I'm used to be totally screwed over.

Doesn't change a thing.

As a guy. A he manly doing guy things guy I drink some beers, have some smokes, delay paying bills because I'm too lazy and watch mindless crap on TV like The Deadliest Warrior on Spike. Invariably as I watch this I reflect on why other guys can't accept the simple pleasures and watch the show and must feel the need to log in to another guy activity (nothing personal gals) and deliberately be annoying and not competitive.

This is three nights in a row of my specific allegations and the jackwipes just continue to keep lining up for the sole purpose of being annoying.

Timing out does not magically make your next hand better. Timing out might give you a miniscule edge trying to look like you are thinking.

Or you are just an admin jackwipe or rigged AI.

BTW - jackwipe - the piece of paper used to clean up jack shit. Love that and my copyright application will be in place by the end of next week.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

We've loaded the info into the Calculatron 1WAS27 (my TRS-80) and ran 5,000 simulations over a period of the last 7 months. Damn this tandy is slow. The final core was Jarah 2,501 to Grace's 2,499. Grace's kung fu skills on 5-0 just couldn't match the distraction of Jarah's perfection.

Let's Take Some Bets on How Long This Will Continue

My bookie is open 24-7 and I give it about a week or two before PokerStars realizes it's stupid and counter productive. My carpenter has produced 18 different kitchen counters in the past month and I think that's pretty counter productive. Poor sap deosn't realize I have no intention of paying him. However, the joke is on me. Wha

t exactly does one do with 17 extra kitchen counters?

I imagine the general idea is that I get so frustrated at the slow play that I'll just give up. This behavior has the opposite effect, hence the 17 extra kitchen counters. Timing out and folding (combined with inconsistent time bank rules) does not increase the quality of subsequent cards. It's just annoying for the sake of being annoying.

Since I don't get to see the tables other real people log in to, I don't know if this is just for my benefit. I hope that others do. Since this blog now gets 20+ reads a day there seems to be a bunch of people out there that agree it's bullshit.

By the Way

How did you get 10k to buy in?

Being Annoying Just to be Annoying

The ordinary critic of Internet poker focuses on the cards. This has provided me and my Calcutron 32X (my Commodore 64) some amusing moments, but I prefer to focus on the real people thing.

Since PokerFrauds made the mistake of letting me get to many chips I can buy in to bigger tables where the quality of play shows that it's not reasonable that a real human wanted to bhe a part of the game.

Real poker - you sit at the table. It hasn't started yet. Grab your beverage of choice. Kiss the life partner. And play some cards.

The 14 second warning has been launched into a new orbit. Now we have "players" timing out, automatically folding and then jumping back into the game.

I've tried very hard to think of a word that describes this. After 2 hours of drinking malt liquor and booting up my Wordatron 43m9nl (Radio Shack pc) I think that I'm safe to say -

Bullshit.

Yes, it's not just Full Tilt. All Internet poker sites are a huge waste of time and energy (and money).

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