Look Who's (Not) Talking

Pretty much everyone.

Set your Tardis back to 2002. Poker is wildly popular and you can't swing a live opposum without a visit from the SPCA and someone (usually ostensibly a "chick" - and don't take that wrong, I love chicks) posting an nh on almost every hand. Folowed up by the obligatory "ty" from the winner of the hand (Ostensibly a male, because face it, guys are better at poker than chicks.)

Ok, that was uncalled for, and didn't come out as funny as I hoped, but I'm not going to take it back. I get paid a penny per word and $1 for every Hot Asian WOMAN posted here. So far other than Jarah's restraining order on me these WOMEN haven't been too aggressive in expressing their hatred of me. I've actually had two emails that amounted to, "Oh My God!! I can't believe it that I made it to The Big Lay Down as the hot Asian Woman of the day! Granted one of these was from my sister knowing I was depressed about the death of my opposum and was trying to lift my spirits. Surprisingly possums do not like to be swung and get eloctrocuted in the standing floor lamp bulb socket. Who would have thought?

Other than a flurry of chat activity when I first found the bogus joys of 7-2 draw and trueyobbo and his Aussie mates, in general the chat is nonexistent. Hundreds of thousands of people logging in to get their poker fix every night. No expressions of disgust on the truly bad beats. No expressions of disgust on the position winning the first five hands at the start of the tourney. No taunting on winning with the bad beat. No mention of Bob having the cool avatar of the hot Asian WOMAN.

Nada. Zip. Zilch. Butkus. Diddly Squat. Zero. Doodlesnot.

Personally, other than the "My bike is red" test I don't chat much. This is because that the last meaninful conversation I had with artificial intelligence was when I yelled at my chess computer and two moves later it dropped a rook. Shortly thereafter the display posted a message about not wanting to be swung into the floor lamp socket. For the record, it still one the game and I buried it in the back yard next to the opposum.

Now, I'm not saying that internet poker should became Facebook and people post their thoughts for the world to see. I'm saying that real human people would take the time to post a simple two character abbreviation at least every once in a blue moon. And not do annoying unprofessional things like timing out (which I'm very guilty of) and showing your cards (which I never do.)

Maybe your internet poker vocabularly isn't up to speed. So here's some texting you can try:

OAP! - Oh a puppy! (distracted and called a hand you shouldn't have)
IRYG - I'm Rubber You're Glue
WW? - What's wild?
TGOMS - There's gum on my shoe - First posted by Sandra Bullock on a speed table back in 2005
WANLTKWSN - We are no longer the knights who say "ni"
NDO - Nice dead opposum
BMUS - Beam me up Scotty
IGLTN - I got less than nothing
BRBC - Be right back, caek
BRBOR - Be right back, opposum ribs


Using these simple text abbreviations is sure to brighten the day of your real human opponents.