I'm all a-Twitter on how inernet poker chat has degenerated into, well, nothing. MySpace around the computer gnerating notes on the friends I've made and need to search for on poker sites is a Fase(less) book of emptiness Myabe if I was LinkedIn to the top poker pros I could learn what I'm doing wrong that I can go from 1.4 million chips down to 4000 even though trying on a site that's obviously not rigged. (They said so, so it must be true. What do they stand to gain from lying?)
In the heyday of Hold'em when you couldn't swing a dead cat without ESPN showing WSOP and Celebrity Poker on at the insomniac's 2am time slot, almost every single table was greeted with a "Hi, gl2all" and lots of friends talking about the tables they played. Jennie Sue from Kansas was talking about her kid, and AK Moose was describing his physical problems and the Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream just flowed through our veins
Now, with even more allegedly real players logging in every night and active sniping with the ridiculous "My bike is red" scenario I hardly get a reaction. And for a change of pace, let's stop being a douche for a minute, and post a congratulatory message on a hand. Not a burp. The only ten characters of chat in a one and a half hour game.
Me and my crack team of private investigators (me and the dog)have found out that Jennie Sue has moved to Seattle, turned lesbian and is sexing it up with a hot Asian chick. AK Moose ran his truck off the road and was killed with the explosion.
FreckledMom lost her entire life savings after becoming a Vegas real estat agent in an extreme down market recession.
Reiko Hill now installs pools now that his two year NFL career washed up on the rocks of extreme sadness.
LindaHayes is now waitressing tables in Reno no longer being fed on race tables by her friends, who are now all successful Wall Street investors. The ugly baby has grown up to be a beautiful young woman, but the scar on her heart from contracdting internet syphilis has taken it's toll.
And if only their free money poker careers had panned out they wouldn't be so miserable today.
THIS POST REFERENCES SOME OF THE MOST OBVIOUS ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE POSITIONS IN MY CAREER. ANY RESEMBLANCE TO REAL HUMANS IS NOT INTENTIONAL. THE HARD EVIDENCE SUPPORTING THE FACTS THAT SUPPORT THIS ARE BURIED IN THIS BLOG. YOU DON'T HAVE TO PLAY 2 DOZEN TABLES LIKE ME, POSTING ABOUT HOW YOU'RE BIKE WANTS YOU TO WORSHIP SATAN AND KILL YOUR PARENTS TO SEE THAT YOU ARE NOT PLAYING AGAINST REAL HUMANS. AND YET, ON A DAILY BASIS THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE DROP THERE HARD EARNED MONEY ON A PIPE DREAM.
Maybe if I get a single NH tomorrow I'll chane my mind.
And maybe monkeys fly out Jarah's sexy butt.
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