Jarah, who admits she doesn't know the first thing about poker, commented on how weird this is. I had to splain (it's a word!) to her that this is a race table and the normal rules don't apply.

She rightfully commented on how weird it was that with no effort I found 5 of them within five minutes. I told her to put down the yogurt and I'll educate you about the world of internet poker. After a brief pout, an extended shower and a lot of beer for me we had our first meaningful talk since the day at the water park and miniature golf.

Jarah, honey (not HUN like always posted in the poker tables), the cards aren't random. I know you'd like to see me take 2nd place out of a 354 game tourney like I did yesterday. But, that was a non-random card gift. There's no excuse for me playing in a 5 card draw high hand wins game where I get two full houses and three flushes (all hearts!) within seven hands.

Me and my crack team of miniature golf experts (me and the dog) really hate the way that we have to take time out of our busy schedules including the old Italian gladiator movies on cable to search for a poker table that is filled with real human beings. Jarah suggested that maybe I should play for real money. Me and my crack team of I've lost too much money in my 401k experts (me and the dog) had to reprimand her. The spanking was fun. At least for me (and the dog.)

The cards are hardly random. And race tables like this are oddly even more not random. Not only do you have to put up with someone going all in every hand, but there is a giant wait list ready to go all in and lose to the chip leader.

You could do something useful with your life, or text message on your cell, but instead you're making yourself annoying in a poker room. Oh, yeah. Race tables are filled with meaningless "My bike is red" style chat.

Give me a million chips every time I log in and let's save the time.