Jarah Mariano dating soft core porn star!

Kidding. Just another cheap shot to get hits on this blog. Jarah is dating a rock musician who is a Scientologist, but when they break up I'm pretty much golden as my freezer is full of Ben and Jerry's ice cream and her addiction knows no bounds.

Tonight's fun sit and go was a copy of last night. My cards and draws were to say the least - sucking the back end of a skunk. Yet, still, I manage to corner a second place finish and add a few chips to my free money "let's investigate the scam" crap.

No need to post the pretty pictures of the table and postions and player names. Over the past three weeks PokerFrauds has made every move possible to prove my point that this is not just 8 people randomly hooking up before servicing the wife or Jarah and calling it a night and going to bed. It's an, "Oh my lover f***ing shiznot! this chump has a lot of play money chips, let's play to make him lose instead of playing to win!"

Tonight's loser of choice I4get. Which included some meaningless numbers in the handle afterwards "IT was the eventually first place finisher. "IT" was the one that raised on almost every single hand. "IT" is short for "intelligence tech" which described the play of the whole table. And "IT", which I have to call 'it' behaved like an 'it' instead of a real human I can't classify as male or female.

And in the few characters of chat reported, "IT" complained about how slow the play was. "IT" could have simply moved on to Fail Blog and watched the photo of Jarah trying to jack up the car which didn't work because the Ben and Jerry's holding up the back end melted and the back end flopped. The YouTube video on this is hilarious.

Me and my crack team of Ben and Jerry experts (me and the dog) realize we are getting a bit too Monty Python silly, so let me splain some of the math over the past two sit and gos.

Everyone except me has had a killer pat hand pre-draw nine or lower. I continue to tough it out and watch as all these alleged players get these great cards and get the luxury of raising. I get to fold a lot.

Which I'm real damn good at. Drag it out. Make me play short stacked.

And I still took second place in two consecutive sits.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The dog had his bones. Just like l-tryptophan on a human he seem's to be settling in for the night setting into a drug induced sleep. Before winking his eyes at me one last time he looked up at me and said...

"Ummmmghhhhh"

Me and my crack team of expert dog translators spent three hours on this.

The translation was -

Go to bed. Give me a cookie and let's deal with this shit tomorrow.

Yes, I will.

PokerFrauds - see you at 12:00 am on Friuday morning. Me vs. your AI. You can't waste my entire chip stack. Good luck.

Reflection

Dang, I wanted to play a second tourney, but the first one dragged out sooooo long and I have a work commitment to be up bright and early tomorrow. And it's been hotter than Jarah fresh after a shower here. So hard to concentrate from the sweating and numerous games of Sorry! and Yahtzee. (Jarah usually wins.)

Other than those games and the CSI episodes I've been watching I've been spending a lot of time reflecting on how I could possibly finish second (or maybe it was third) in a 354 player five draw game in the wee hours of Saturday morning (that's when it started) when in 7-2 lowball I constantly pair up and you have to perform a black magic ritual including crimes against nature with livestock to get anything resembling decent cards.

Me and my crack team of Yahtzee players (me and the dog) finally came to a stunning conclusion that has NEVER been posted here before.

And if you aren't prepared for the sarcasm then just break out your Sorry! board and go tuck yourself away in bed after the game is over.

The cards are simply not random. The "players" simply do not play like real people. The answer is....

The black magic ritual really pissed off the goddess of livestock.

But she did send me a friendly text message indicating that there are earthly powers with admin capabilities that can manipulate the cards. And when my first lowball sit and go was played two nights ago and I received what is for that game a ridculously bad pre-draw hand of 4 queens, I had to turn to Jarah and say, "You might be on to something here."

I'm not getting bad pre-draw hands. I'm getting statiscally bad draws. And there's always some friendly 'never posts a single note in chat' chump set to show their cards as an 'in your face hahahaha loser you didn't do the sacrifice correctly jackwipe.' My cards are not random. I've played like 80 lowball games and my cards are set to HIGH. I accidentally stumbled on a 5 draw high game where the cards hadn't been set back to Normal. And I kicked your ass to the goddess of dogs heaven.

Well, screw you. I'll figure it out. I already have a head start on that. My irrational sit and go from tonight - I still took second.


See ya this weekend losers.

Jarah, who admits she doesn't know the first thing about poker, commented on how weird this is. I had to splain (it's a word!) to her that this is a race table and the normal rules don't apply.

She rightfully commented on how weird it was that with no effort I found 5 of them within five minutes. I told her to put down the yogurt and I'll educate you about the world of internet poker. After a brief pout, an extended shower and a lot of beer for me we had our first meaningful talk since the day at the water park and miniature golf.

Jarah, honey (not HUN like always posted in the poker tables), the cards aren't random. I know you'd like to see me take 2nd place out of a 354 game tourney like I did yesterday. But, that was a non-random card gift. There's no excuse for me playing in a 5 card draw high hand wins game where I get two full houses and three flushes (all hearts!) within seven hands.

Me and my crack team of miniature golf experts (me and the dog) really hate the way that we have to take time out of our busy schedules including the old Italian gladiator movies on cable to search for a poker table that is filled with real human beings. Jarah suggested that maybe I should play for real money. Me and my crack team of I've lost too much money in my 401k experts (me and the dog) had to reprimand her. The spanking was fun. At least for me (and the dog.)

The cards are hardly random. And race tables like this are oddly even more not random. Not only do you have to put up with someone going all in every hand, but there is a giant wait list ready to go all in and lose to the chip leader.

You could do something useful with your life, or text message on your cell, but instead you're making yourself annoying in a poker room. Oh, yeah. Race tables are filled with meaningless "My bike is red" style chat.

Give me a million chips every time I log in and let's save the time.

There's more to internet poker than just the cards that is just too weird to be believed. As the years have dragged on the significant chat among friends and random plyers hooking up for a fun free money game has dwindled into a scary, "My God I hate these peeps so much!" ghost town with an occassional ridiculous pithy comments abound on the level of "My bike is red."

So let's pretend for a moment. Let's pretend that you are all excited about your first free money internet poker table ever and you are sitting down at your pc and registering for the first time. What, exactly, do you name yourelf?

BobM is already taken. Bob, being a fireman tries to register as "fireman" and that's taken. Bob, being a birdwatcher tries to reg as "birdwatcher" AND THAT'S TAKEN, TOO! Now, I'm getting really frustrated. Let me pick a name that NOBODY could possibly take. PUSTULE. Sorry Bob, at least four sites have already picked that gem. Please see prior post - Pus and synonyms are taken.

Finally, Bob ( a pseudonym since he doesn't want his real identity exposed) sits down with his crack team of naming experts (Bob and the goldfish) and decides that since he's from Canada he will name himself

English-240

Even though Canada-240 is available and he's from Canada, Bob has made a life long commitment to this screen name. Jarah suggested that Bobthefish would have been great because of the obvious raise on a loser incompetence. She also suggested that maybe he should get out of his parent's basement in Canada and move to England so that the handle made a tad bit more of sense. And then, being part of my crack team of moving experts (me, the dog and Jarah) she rightfully pointed out the van ride across the pond would lead to some nasty drowning stuff.

Then a revelation. Bob (not his real name) was originally from Leeds and moved to Canada after picking his Full Tilt name. This is as stastically reasonble as the multitude of bogus hands posted here.

Sorry Bob. Me and Jarah's lawyers apologize.

Hands per hour - I'm still watching

I've spent so much time on PokerFrauds lately I am remiss on my duties of the old tried and true Absolute.

The last significant time I spent on the merged Absolute/Ultimate database (emphasis - database - not real people) I had identified that the race tables are still going strong. The race tables have the same stable of vaccuums that are fed by a horde of player names I haven't seen on a huge wait list. Not wanting to be too repetitive, I don't play these anymore. So my second choice is a table with an open seat that plays a lot of hands an hour.

As with the last times I've played on these tables I curiously come upon something unsettling. All these "players" so willing to make there bets and raises and lack of folding suddenly start taking some time to think about what they are doing when I join the table.

Miami went from almost 90 hands per hour to in the 40s when I joined. And I was not a problem. My folds and occasional calls were almost instant. Based on the lack of chat that says that you are scared that I'm some kind of poker god this is, as Penn and Teller say, bullshit.

I can fold 90 hands an hour having 3.4 million chips. You might as well keep up with the dumb ass raising you must have been doing before I showed up.

Xenu vs. Scientology on internet poker again

This post will be far from what you have come to expect from me. There's going to be lots of stuff that those that aren't "in" on what's going on in Scientology don't understand. Therefore, please move on to the next blog. (But hey, I did take third place in an 18 player game on Full Tilt and scored great.)

After much reflection, me and my crack team of fraud investigators (me and the dog) have experienced a lot of things that just aren't right with the world. Like getting run over by a Martian Bishop's steamroller and traveling to Venus to get reimplanted with false images. And not being allowed to take my medication because my Dad is an insane Scientologist. Or having my gaunt and ill looking wife go through a "Purificatio Rundown" in preparation of our next syrely intimate and satisfying baby making venture. And maybe for good measure I'll pull one of my Church's members out of the hospital and through her in a closet for 17 days and let her die. And maybe the dwarf Hitler wannabe of this Church (cough cough for the Church ref) is just worried aout the money instead of what is really going on with the dwindling membership of his Ponzi scam.

I'm really not sure which ticks me off more. There are lots of people in the world getting cheated out of hard earned money. I've spent more time on the poker because there are occasional glimpses of it looking on the up and up, and Scientology is just way to screwed up. If I find out Jarah is a Scientologist I will probably eat Ben and Jerry's for a week straight, get flat bloated and die. But at least I won't have evil psych drugs coursing through my veins.

It's a fraud. Just like internet poker. Please Google and visit these sites:

Operation Clambake
WhyWeProtest
Whyaretheydead
LisaMacPherson.org
ExScientologykids
Operation Snow White

There's always some kind of scam out there. I wish to remain ANONYMOUS which is actually a very funny and relevant post on the topic.

And now on to one or two fradulent blackjack tables on Absolute/Ultimate merging sites horse snot before me and my crack team of "why the hell am I still awake" experts call it a night.

By the way punk ass Full Tilt faggios (it's a word...even if I just made it up.) Over 100 hands. Number of characters posted in chat -

Zero.

The weekend(s) in review (and Jarah's end in review)

Three weekends ago PokerStars and I got into an argument. They won a Pyrrhic victory. I've played almost nothing but 7-2 draw low over these past few weeks, and this was the case three weekends ago. I couldn't buy a winning hand if Jarah's affection depended on it. A free money chip stack of $200,000 was gone and I was really trying to win. And it was all squandered on buy ins of $2,000 and $10,000 sit and gos. It's not like I plunked $100,000 on each of two sit and gos.

The reason that I call the victory Pyrrhic is that I was determined to see if I could get anything resembling statistically normal cards and draws over a long stretch, not just one game or two. Two weekends ago I start over with the $1,000 freebies. The stretch of bad cards ended ad I stood at $35,000 by the time I turned off the computer and shut my eyes for some much needed sleep prior to working on Monday.

Now, let's review the current weekend. You made a LOT of mistakes, the worst of which is that I'm back up to $180,000. More so than poker skill, this is due to understanding the system (which was not behaving normally three weekends ago, hence the meltdown.) The basic program is not terribly competitive. Fake positions abound throughout the site, and 7-2 low draw is no exception. The naming convention continues to be the same. Some innocuous first name combined with usually two, sometimes three numbers. Often these are gone within seconds as it appears to be that multiple tables are registered for and another game has started. If these are at the table you can usually count on some patzer play and they can be bluffed out.

Me and my crack team of "let's help them cheat better" experts (me and the dog) have some friendly suggestions.

1) I'm not going away, except as de3tailed in point #13. Live with it. On the rare occasion that I actually play a hand within the first fifteen or twenty and I make tyhe foolish mistake of trying to bluff on hand three after everyone else checked, don't taunt me when I lose. I know how to play the game. And when this happened Saturday morning this was the springboard for reminding that a different set of rules apply to me. I'll be there at 3am. I'll be there again at 5am. I'll be there again at 7am. I'll take a bit of a longer nap and be there at 10am. Try and get a table of just nothing but AI rolling with that kind of determination.

2) If you have someone that I've played with before, and I'm talking to you Yobbo, that has displayed some semblance of personality and specifically acknowledged my existence, make sure that the personality is consistent on the subsequent table. For the first several games Yobb's pat phrase was "v n h" including the spaces, and it showed up on almost every hand he didn't win. Several tourneys later I've seen Yobbo completely clam up without a single character being posted. Naturally, if he is a clam he's worrried about evil intergalactic overlord Xenu.

3) If you do acknowledge me, at least get it right. It's "Xenu", not "Xena." I'm male, not female. And while we're at it, the pet nickname of "Xen" that you've given me is lazy and stupid. Go ahead and type the extra "u." And why is it that so many different people that I've supposedly never played against before have latched on to this "Xen" thing?

4) Don't raise and then draw four cards. There's no excuse for ever being in on a hand like this except maybe when you're heads up.

5) After I've folded the first twenty hands and I finally catch and r4aise, you should probably fold. This is what I was saying about knowing the system more so than exceptional poker skills. A real person's behavior pattern would normally be "Holy Shit! Me and my crack team of aggressive raisers (me and the goldfish) have seen this guy sit out all night! Maybe I should fold this one!"

6) An acknowledgement that Jarah is a goddess every once in a while would be nice.

7) Stop the timing out crap. I have a copyright on that trick, and it doesn't annoy me. It simply allows me to turn my 45% and watch tv while waiting. Trust me, it does not annoy me in the slightest.

8) The barometer for a good hand is a nine or lower adjusted for how many players are at the table. Please stop raising with pat jack hands.

9) There's no reason to sit out. You always have the option to fold. If you are multi-tasking and watching videos of goldfish on YouTube, the poker game was probably something you never should have registered for in the first place.

10) Please stop the references to cat furballs. (Not something I wanted to mention, but my crack teammate(the dog) insisted. I personally only remember like 4 or 5, so I don't think this is too much of a problem.

11) What is up with that "I didn't realize low hand won" nonsense? And if you are that stupid that you registered 10k chips to play a fun game you don't know the rules, did you actually earn those chips?

12) Running out of steam here. There's no rule 12.

13) Don't screw with me. I have supreme confidence in my poker skills. If the goal is to make the game so alien and unreasonable that I'll give up, it's working in the opposite direction. You have a lot better chance of making me go away by letting me play two reasonable sit and gos a night with real people and statiscally random cards than you do with the goldfishsnot from three weekends ago. (Me and my crack team of disgusting substance experts (me and the dog) have determined that this substance is more disgusting than virtually everything else except maybe cat furballs.) I will get bored and go away. Just ask CityPoker that I haven't played on in ages. Instead you are just making me want to open up my own site. Exactlywhichistheworstpokersiteonthenet.com.

14) Stay away from Scientology. It's just a big global scam. Has to be. If South Park said so it must be true.

Xenu vs. Scientology on internet poker

Wow, this sure explains a helluva lot what is going on.

Cav is from Clearwater Florida. The international headquarters of the cult of Scientology. And I've been at the same table a couple of times as him/her. And it hasn't been a lot of fun. I used to blame internet poker, but now I realize that I've been self-destructive and I'm wasting my time because Scientology OWNS internet poker. And my relationship with Jarah isn't helping any.

Jarah is of mixed Chinese, Korean and Hawaiian descent. Evil lord Xenu killed her ancestors millions of years ago in the volcanoes of Hawaii and more so than the rest of us her evil brainwashed alien parasites have forced her to take up Scientology to audit them. With the massive bad PR that Co$ has taken since January 2008 they have now turned to their one last cash cow - rigged internet poker.

So, my crack team of cult analysts (me and the dog) have done a bit of research on what is wrong with Scientology. And it dwarfs what's going on in internet poker.

With apologies to Cav who really is from Clearwater (according to what you see when you look at the icon) I offer this. It is one of the few topics I'm passionate about.

There's a ton of information out there on the net that any rational "I'm going all-in despite my loser cards can't ignore. The Ponzi scheme has operated for decades and finally Anonymous and the mainstream critics have become focused on bringing the worst cult EVER down.

I am proud to be mentally aligned with them.

Me and my crack team of apologizers ( me and the dog) are sorry if you wasted your time for reading this.

But, if you want more information Google these:

Operation Clambake
Lisa MacPherson
WhyWeProtest
Ex-Scientology Kids

And as far as internet poker goes - won first tonight, got 50k. Deal with it.

There's always something wrong

Please notice Jarah observing this table. I wasn't really paying attention to what was going on because actually the card play wasn't too bad. Also, I was all kinds of distracted by the ear nibbling and forgot the basic "don't call an obvious vaccuum rule." So me and my crack team of "spread the love" experts (me and the dog) struggled for an hour and fifteen minutes to reach the position of being short stacked with 2k versus the obvious vaccuum. T'was my surpise to be killed on a rivver bad beat.




Now me and my crack team of handing out flowers at the airport to spread the love around folk (me and the dog) decided to avoid PokerFrauds tonight and take our 300k on Full Tilt to a meaningless 10k buy in 2 table sit and go. And these events (sarcasm) have never happened before.

Just to make it to the final table I have to play some awesomedangedist (real word, look it up on Websters online) poker. And my reward is finishing out of the money.

And me and my crack team of identifying mute people (me and the dog) noticed that strangely in more than one hundred hands that there were TONS of characters of chat posted. Me and my crack team of Florida vote re-counters (me and the dog) have tallied them and it's..........

2

On the first table the Maxim posted that he folded a 99. And that's it.

We could save a lot of time here, so me and my crack team of Dr. Who experts (me and the dog) got together and figured that it would be a lot easier on everyone if when I logged into a tourney that you just post a friendly message - "You're registered free money chips have been added to artificial intelligence. Thanks for trying. Thanks for all the fish."

Which lead me to consult my crack team of Douglas Adams experts (me and the dog) and I learned a lot about dolphins and hot Korean/Chinese/Hawaiin babes.

And as my earlobe bleeds from Jarah's nibbling turning into playful biting I am reminded - no, I'm not so conceited that I think I need to place in the money on every single game I play. But, I am conceited enough to think that I should place in the money against real humans very often.

If you can't put up a bogus True Yobbo and at least give a modicum of realism, the game probably shouldn't have been offered in the first place. Except that you can get away with it because the rigged AI is up against 12 year olds playing for 1 hour a day, not someone like me.

The "Oh Hi, by the way, I'm allowed to break the rules cheat"

At least you didn't flaunt it. And I'm sure the lame excuse will be that there was some connectivity problems. But after this past weekend my sense of danger was raised to DEFCON 5. And I did manage to take a second place in a game that dragged out to an hour and a half. While during the weekend with the constant raises half that time was the norm.

So let us bactrack to the weekend for a second. Company holiday for good Friday. I took off on Thursday at 10:am to do my housework so I could settle into some bogus poker. My very reasonable chip stack met up against a lot of 7-2 low draw tables where it was obvious it was set on "impossible for real human to win" mode. And I'll be arrogant enough to suggest that no one but me really plays this game much and this was purposeful to make my life misearable.

I'm very stuborn and competitive. So since I dropped all 100k plus chips and had to start over again with the starter 1k several times I had a lot of time to identify what was wrong with the tables. Dozens of them.

Almost every single one followed the same pattern.

1) Some clueless moron has decided to sit at his first 5 card draw lowball table ever and plays it like the high hand is the winner. Calling (not bluffing) with nonsense like 3 sixes.

2) The winner of that all in hand starts betting like it's the first time he's ever had the chip lead and there's a pre-draw raise every hand. but, this chump is not the eventual winner. This chump is betting into the "expert" which is the vaccuum that the real human is supposed to be stupid enough to call into. The other three including the real human positions continue to call and blow their chips. Except I'm the X-factor that doesn't buy into the bullshit and waits twenty hands before finally some non-preprogranned not crappy cards pop up.

3) If real human is lucky enough he can take second place.

Me and my crack team of sleep deprivation experts (me and the dog) got to see this over and over and over and over and over. And, did I mention "over?" It just screamed out "I'M AI HEAR ME ROAR. I'M TOO HARD TOO IGNORE!" And Helen Reddy called Jarah and after a massive cry fest, they snuggled on the couch eating Ben and Jerry's and wept for me. Which is fine by me because I'm not sexually iterested in either of them. Freckledmom.......how boy HOWDY! That's a different story!

After my uncharectirstic period of lack of patience on the weekend I have built myself back up to 35k, but even tonight's drawn out yawn fest was just a little bit bogus.

To protect the innocent I won't use any real names because that would be crass, and my crack team of over-sensitive people (me and the dog) don't want to talk about it. So let's just call him Jerry because that's the screen name. Now, Jerry (not his real screen name,er...never mind) is going to end up being the first player to take action when the cards are all dealt. I'm going to be dealt the last card. Within a fraction of a second. Even a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a second when my last card is dealt Jerry (not his real screen, er... never mind) has his raise out on the table. Wow.

You should know me by now. Chips are secondary to bullshit. I'm very patient and observant.

Me and my crack team of Dr, Who time travel experts (me and the dog) hate this exploitation of time. It just reeks of rigged. If I could rig time I'd have a 9 month old puppy instead of this whiny ass constantly reminding me I'm wasting my time on this.

Epilogue:

The photographer in this photo lost 150k on all-in no limit race tables. He's currently laid up in a hospital. Me and my crack team of health workers (me and the dog) have been sending him flower baskets, but unfortunately they appear to do little to improve his condition.

Prettiest girl on the planet

Just for the hell of it before I get cheated at poker.

Jarah's birthday!

In honor of her birthday yesterday I did something I've never done before.

I played internet poker.

Oh wait, I've done that before....like all the time for the past 7+ years.

So me and my crack team of psychoanalysts (me and the dog) sat in on amassive multi-table game this morning that started off with half the table sitting out. I'm not as good at understanding human nature as the dog is, but I have to admit that he's right that this is just a bit weird. And he's got a point that when these chumps do wake up and actually play that there's only one way to play. Raise.

And if that doesn't work, raise some more.

Raise into a hand that you can't win. (This was HORSE, so you get to see some stud games with four cards up.)

I hate repeating, but it's time to bump this up since it's been a while. In the old days, the guy that raised you was the one that caught the miracle card on the river. Now someone raises, often with some irrational excuse, and bets into a killer. For the casual play two hours one night a week player this goes unnoticed. But for someone as focused (and skilled) as me it's tiresome.

Most of the time internet poker tries unsuccessfully to convince me that I have no place at being at the table. Jarah and the dog tell me I do. I trust their opinions a lot more than a person (cough cough) that logs in, registers and sits out.

Andf I met up with True Yobbo on Thursday, Not a peep. After all the bullshit trash talking for two weeks, suddenly her clams up.

Hmmmm.....

This is surely not politically correct

But I do have the luxury of being dicked over, so screw you Annie.

Now this table went twenty hands deep before Shank and Annie started talking like they had been the best friends forever. Not too long after that Annie is remorsing over the death nof her Mom.

And she's a grandmother? Or has she been playing remorsefully for weeks to manage to get the chips to buy in to a 10k table and the first screen name she picked was Annie I love my Grandma? And at minimum it's looking like she's 60 years old and maybe 80+

If you're a grannie and your family squeezed them kids out in a hurry it's really unprobable that you're a lucid "I have 10k to talk to my friend Shank"(who taunted me) player. Nothing personal old fuck.

Well, actually, yes it is.

But it's pretty obvious I have your attention.

Deal with it.

Chips are secondary to watching you do stupid bullshit.

True Yobbo

Two weekends ago I had the joy of playing with some exceptionally friendly Australian folks. It was pretty obvious that Yobbo was the ring leader. After much poking and prodding they finally got me to join in the endless iterations of "nh", "ty", "g1" etc….I don’t mind throwing the occasional comment out there, but this can, and does, get over used.

I was hoping this would be the case, and it was so, that I would get to use this to my advantage. Like myself, Yobbo seems to be obsessed with 7-2 single draw lowball. A perfect chance for me to use a silly little tactic that I call, "Bipolar Disease" Over the course of several tournaments I continue to cement my new friendship. Then finally- nothing. Not a peep out of me. And yes, it did seem to bother them.

That very first table I played was unusual in one respect. I was acknowledged by my screen name for the first time in ages. Artificial intelligence can’t read screen names, so it’s "nh" not "nh pokerking13". After complaining about the liberal amounts of AI at PokerStars here I was curious as to why this Aussie guy was going out of his way to make sure I knew he was a real person. But, it came off as "trying too hard", like the awkward new school kid trying to buy friendship from his new classmates. It’s strained and insincere.

Now this was interesting. The first thing I do when I log in is search for Yobbo. I expect to finally see him playing silently in some big multi-table tournament. Which is not believable with the way this guy simply will not shut up. In the meantime this was curious. Last night I checked for him, nope not around. Without delay I go to a 7-2 low table with 5 of 7 seats taken. Great I don’t have to wait too long. I register. Within seconds the tourney starts.

And magically there’s Yobbo in the 7th and final seat. Hmmmmm…..Eventually I eliminated him, but that left me up against the 2 AI positions that didn’t chat and got ridiculously good cards. And only ever bet tiny amounts when butting heads versus each other when I’m not in on the hand. I finished an annoying third, just out of the money. What Yobbo appears to be is the equivalent of Antje on Absolute a couple of years ago, a fake position policing the sight and deliberately keeping tabs on me. Possibly because I have posted the "r" word (rigged) in chat lately.

So, it’s time to kick the bipolar up a notch. I’ll flip a mental coin and play it different as I feel. Some nights act like I don’t think I’ve ever met him before. Sometimes insisting that he’s the one being too quiet. Post funny jokes. Complain about my operation. Another tourney of total silence. Etc…

And now Grannie. And maybe Jarah.

The credit crunch hits the internet poker world

Me and my crack team of economists (me and the dog) have gathered a lot of economic information the past few months. And it really isn't a pretty sight, although there are signs that it's nearing an end.

The housing bubble screwed up the doghouse in the back yard. We just couldn't afford to make the mortgage payments any more. Now I have to put up with the dog sleeping on my bed next to me. Now, with my network of spies running 24/7 I find out that the reason I can't get any traction on Omaha Hi-Lo is that my taxpayer dollars have been going to a bailout of free money chip Omaha Hi-Lo idiots.

For several years now I've thought that it was just a server with an infinite chip stack. Now, I realize that with interst in internet poker slowing down that the US government has beeen dumping billions of free chip dollars into the free chip poker industry. If Lehman Bros has already tanked and GM is on the verge of bankruptcy, surely without a massie infusion of billions of free money chips into the corporations that play Omaha Hi-Lo will spell disaster for the US.

I called Jarah's lawyers and she is willing to wait and see if things get cleaned up. (No pictures tonight, do a Google search.)

Although they should be bankrupt all the sites the offer a "race table" have been backd by subprime mortgages. The subprime lenders have packaged this into a securities bond where they are backed by an infinite waiting list that is willing to go all in without playing anything looking like real poker.

These securities, in turn, have been traded on the internet for the last 5 years. After a lot of losses on short selling by my opponents I joined Maddoff's poker site. Big mistake. After a lot of success early it became apparent it was just a Ponzi scheme.

So I'd ben tinking. Where on da indernet should I place my 4+ million free money poker chips?


Internet poker, despite taking second twice tonight, please consider this as me flipping you the bird.

Cloned table

I've seen this bad movie before. it's been a loooonnggg time though. Something like 24 hours ago. And just like when you overwatch a movie, it wasn't anywhere near as enjoyable the seond time around.

Comparisons to last night:

1) Riduculously bad cards for an extended period of time. Even worse tonight. More than forty hands played before I got my first ace.

2) Made the final table (the screenshot) without winning a single hand. WITHOUT FOLDING A SINGLE HAND THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A WINNER IF I HAD CALLED.

3) First chat two nights in a row - only when I hit the final table.

The deduction:

Oh My God! A real human player has made it to the final table after sifting through the bavardage. It's time to get serious about eliminating him! And sift you did. I only finished fourth tonight instead of 1st like last night.

A general observation, especially so before reaching the final table - this site has way too many flops with killer straight and flush draws. It's almost like every flop has a one card draw to a straight or flush. That's weird.