Recent Upgrades Here at The Big Laydown

AKA a mutated version of Jack and the Beanstalk
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When I was seven years old my momma (God rest her soul) gave me three magic beans. She told me that if I planted them a big ass beanstalk would grow, I'd be able to climb up it and steal all kinds of treasure from some dumb ass pre-flop raising on crap giant, The treasure included a goose that lays golden eggs, a magical lyre and a lifetime subscription to Maxim.

Being a rebellious little twerp, and dubious about Maxim's lack of focus on Asian women I laughed it off. When she died I had a good cry and tripped on my Pringles can that I saved the magic beans in. After fondling them in an unnatural manner for seven days I realized that since I didn't get any money from the tooth fairy when I lost 3 molars in a hockey game that it was a tall tale. Giants, magical geese, magical lyres, etc... did not exist.

I took the so-called magical beans to the local pharmacy which referred me to an animal husbandry. Surprisingly this chump was willing to trade the beans for a bull. He told me the bull would provide milk for a long time and some juicy steaks in the future. Curiously, mention was made that the cows feces would provide me with duplication of Internet poker bullshit every single day. Not being a fan of bull milk, and at this time not knowing what the hell Internet poker was I laughed it off. But I looked forward to the juicy steaks.

Decades later, the bull is still as young as he was when I first traded the beans. He takes at least three healthy craps a day in my back yard.

And the slow play of the last several weeks. The race tables. The inhumanity just keep marching on. Currently I can play every day and watch at least one dumb ass playing slow just to be annoying.

Part Two.

One day, the bull was not satisfied with his diet of Cheerios and malt liquor and ate the neighbor's chicken coop including all of the inhabitants. Being magical he pooped out a golden goose. That layed golden eggs that put egg on the face of Internet poker.

Now I'm on to something. Daily bullshit, daily egg in the face embarrasing cheating. Best three magical beans I ever gave up in my life.

Part Three.

Trying to impress Jarah I took up the piano. Just like dogs, bulls are surprisingly short tempered when they get no attention. He ate the piano. After two days of indigestion the bull pooped up a magical lyre.

Which is what any defender of the reality of Internet poker is. A magical liar.

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Part Four - off topic.

Don't get emotionally attached to the new Hawaii Five 0. First season was great. Season 2 premier adequate but rushed. Season two episodes 2 and 3...well, they kinda sucked. Here's hoping Grace finds a new and better home.