In addition to Ben & Jerry's, Jarah's sweet tooth also has found its way to the candy rack. Knowing of my long, even though tumultuous at times relationship with her, I was not surprised to have scored some major endorsement deals. All I need to do is wear a hat with a logo on each of my online tournaments and sit and gos and refer to some new lingo here.
First off, from a game play side I just got screwed over on a meaningless PokerStars 500 (+ the admin fee they need to keep the site running!) play money game, where as far too often happens the first hand I get after the break is one of the few decent ones I get after playing dozens. This is called the Nestle Crunch. Other terms I will be using now include:
Goobers - They used to be called 'Feeders' here. Obviously dumb enough to buy into a hand they will lose.
Raisanettes- Used to be called 'Vacuums.' The ones getting the great cards the Goobers are stupid enough to call into.
Cadbury - The obnoxious player everyone hates. You're supposed to want to hate him so much you will try to be the one that gets rid of him.The one that buries the obnoxious cad is the Cadbury.
Butterfinger - The tricky player that posts how they have to go, goes all in (instead of just sitting out) and not surprisingly gets the winning hand. Some Butterfingers are extra large in size and go all in and win on several hands in a row, then calm down and play more or less normal (but they still don't leave the table.)
Three Musketeers - The table where the top three spots are paid off, you're number four, and magically they play to make you lose instead of playing to win by trading chips with each other.
Twix - Same as above, but the real human is 3rd and the top two spots are paid out.
Juicy Fruit - Someone that plays so gay like joining a high buy in lowball game and obviously plays for high on the first hand to Goober the pot. (Reference recent episode of South Park before the homophobic attacks.)
Milky Way- So far my sponsors and I cannot come to a conclusion on how to make a non-homophobic sperm reference related to multiple Juicy Fruits here. We'll get back to you after the lawyers talk.
Snickers- It's polite and professional to post a simple "nh" congratulating the player that conquered you. Snickers taunt by posting "nh" when they aren't in on the showdown.
Rolo - Rolls over and folds even when they could just check. Curiously Rolos seem to be confined to PokerStars.
Mounds- The aggressive chip leader that bets like it's the first time they ever had the chip lead.
Wrigleys- Short stacked players going all in trying to wriggle out of what should be certain table death. This gum is so amazing it works 50% of the time. Deep down Wrigleys are just another excuse to lay down a big bet on a rigged hand.
Zagnut - Zounds! Amazing! Glorious! The guy that folds 40 hands in a row and then when the real human finally catches a decent hand bad beats him into oblivion. The Z!A!G! nut is often also seen as merely a cocoanut, despite the lack of chocolate.
Payday - The player challenged on their lack of skill that is successful because of the awesome cards they get dealt who brags about how much real money they've won in their defense. The poorest tasting candy since it doesn't explain why they are wasting their time on free money tables if they are really that good.
Mentos- Friendlier than a Payday, but wants to take you under their arm, "school you" and be your mentor. teach you what you're doing wrong and be their Gandalf to your pathetic Frodo.
My crack team of playing poker with hobbits experts (me the dog and Jarah) think he's pretty weak and that trying to teach us by a Mentos that's not put into a two liter Coke bottle is lame.
Overcompensating for the lack of real human activity I see so often is not a good idea against me. Since I will fold while an overly chatty table plays itself out I will use my superhuman powers of observation to find something wrong, if the opportunity presents itself.
