Do you really think you're playing for real?

I love this screen. After sitting in with 20000 chips, making a killing at people raising with nothing, wondering how they ever got enough chips to play at this table. As always, chumps with 4000 chips were raising and losing. "Players" at the table a long time were in the hands, virtually calling every bet and watching me as the only sane person that can have the guts to fold a hand pre-flop, or give it up when it's obvious I'm beat.

Now, if you haven't figured it out already about the screen shot.....

The "player" to my right has cards. I have cards. Two, three and four to the left of me have cards. But the "player" immediately on my left isn't sitting out and doesn't have any cards. And the insanity of not having cards and having the luxury of not to have to call insane bets continued for half an hour. Since my spider sense was on DANGER I knew it was time to start folding. When Thats_Hot finally did wake up he/she dropped 12000 chips within 10 minutes or so, I broke even with my healthy 15k gain and I sat back, watched.

The newbie start is 1000 chips. I can understand playing on 10-20 limit games that there's an allowance for raising on crap. But, when you graduate into the big leagues and there are SOOOO many uncompetitive morons that have also supposedly graduated into the big leagues it get's a litlle......bogus

Being competitive at poker

Months ago I posted at how Absolute and Ultimate constantly raised on fixed limit games. I'm proud to anounce that they have changed the program and things are almost like real poker.

I have fond meomries of Pokerfrauds 7 stud when the had a raise button on 7 stud high low games. You would sit at a table versus virtually uncompetitive "players" and watch as they let God sort them out.

Even though things have calmed down there are still alot of problems on Ultimate.

LEARN - I DON'T CARE ABOUT MY CHIPS. (too much) You made the mistake of letting me getting enough chips to get to medium sized tables where I can sit and watch for three hours at a time and watch supposedly good players burning off their chip stack apparently just trying to beat me. And supposedly good players equal or better to me get hung out to dry and lose their 5000 - and still they will come back for more. Losing. With 5000 chips when the "I'm a rookie" buy in is less.

Like said before, 'How exactly did you amss this chip stack to play like an idiot?"

Another Ub meltdown

What you need to realize is that I'm not making any of this up. If I get pocket kings three hands in a row, I really did. And if I played against someone that won ten hands in a row, I really did.

And, since I'm so willing and able to log in at weird times (no gf- no real life) when you target me it generally gets to be a way little too obvious.

I play like 25-30 hours a week. Wake up at two in the morning..play for four hours. Sleep for four. Wake up. Fart around for three hours...play for four more hours. Sleep...wake up and play again.

And why the freaking hell do I have the same three players at my table? Especially since the limits aren't the same? Riverkid11 and Luke Miller definitely are hot for me. They've got nothing better to do than make my poker life uncomfortable and raise the pot and be generally uncompetitive. And SooooFine also gets to join in the fun.

Oh please. Play to win...don't play to make me lose.

Anohter Ultimatebet metdown

Patience.

And a reminder UB...I don't care about my chips. If I have to start from scratch at 1000 I'll do that.

I'll start with the suspect things first, then move on to the outright stupid. Even though I hate training you guys so you can get better at cheating.

Chatting and compliments. When someone catches four of a kind there's always at least an "nh" thrown in. Except when I'm the one with four of a kind. As a matter of fact every time I do beat someone there's no talk. Awww....did I beat your AI and win a hand? So sorry.

I "played" against Riverkid11 and sirhoop this morning at 3-5 am and here they are at 4-6pm. Last I knew there was no search feature on UB. The limits on the tables were different this morning and this afternoon. And both "players" were completely uncompetitve....just pushing the pot and losing. And they're searching for me to raise stupidly and make my life uncomfortable? Reeks of an Absolute style ANTJE fake position.

Flop matching - way out of control. But, I know how to fold so I'll just sit back. Over the long haul, if you have seen the number of hands that would have won if I called, but I didn't because I folded it you would be amazed. I'm an expert on recognizing the BS.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reserved seats. Why is it that some "players" pop up at the table without having to go through the normal process of sitting and putting their chips in? I caught you this morning and tonight on this. It sure looks like I'm playing against someone in charge of the server with a bunch of fake AI positions instead of real people.

And...time....don't raise the pot with the first position. The menu needs to come up first.

Ther Elimination blackjack is way out of control. You have to bet big to stay in line with the leaders, and you get nailed for it. Completely statiscally unreasonable. And I love very game since it only proves my point.

Ultimate continues to break the rules

Dealer had an ace. I wasn't offered insurance.

Hmmm... blackjack sin't for real, maybe the poker isn't?

Welcome to my world

There it is again. Some idiot in blackjack hitting with a 19 and catching a two. After betting the max.

Well, he did only push and was eliminated going all in the next hand, that also featured a "player" hitting on a 20 and busting with a 30.

This was after a 3+ hour session of Omaha Hi-lo which started off with the obvious raising because I'm not playing to win but to make the human lose, which settled down into almost real poker. After gaining 6,000 free money chips that don't mean anything they still have to cheat.

If this was a real casino they'd be bankrupt. It's far too often not a matter of if you win, but how much you win. And they can always pull the rug out from under you.

Thank you NLOP

Boy I needed that. I was jonesing for a completely unrealistic game. You provided the fix.

Preface to that - for about a week now things have been pretty calm on my other sites. Which is disturbing since on the four of them I was putting up with a lot of bs for MONTHS before this week. I've seen what looks like an obvious AI change on a single site before, but for three of them to do it all at once....very strange.

As for the NLOP game -

Suspiciously, nobody wanted to play a ten player 500 point game. So I took the bait and allowed myself to get funneled into the 10 player 1000 point game. I broke a personal rule and called the first hand and won. And I won hand number three. And I spent a significant amount of time in the top three.

The chip leader, lets use the name of "pilsbury" for lack of a better one (since that was actually the screen name) won a big hand number two and then made a point of being generally annoying by calling every hand and raising on most of them and taking huge chunks of time to make his bets (even very unsportingly timing out to fold.) They made the mistake of giving me crappy cards that I didn't even think about calling into the bets. Finally, 10+ hands into the game pils folds pre-flop. Another position has pocket kings and wins a nice pot. Lucky non-call. Probably. Except that within a few hands more he called a modest pre-flop raise. The flop had an Ace, five and some other relatively meaningless card. He called a modest bet after a long pause. 2 on the turn and he raises all in and wins since he had 3-4 offsuit.

That hand isn't too suspicious in and of itself, except when you combine it with the one lucky fold when someone else happened to have pocket kings - ad you at least called virtually every other hand. You HAVE to be kidding.

But, there's more.

The table got down to 6 players. Two short stacks, 3 medium stacks (including me and pils) and the chip leader who had been whining about how things really needed to move along since he was in some big tournament about to start soon. Using that as his excuse, he starts pushing the betting.

Spider sense definitely tingling. Let me guess - you are about to turn into The Player That Can't Lose(TPTCL) Through a succession of bad beats and great flops TPTCL all-ins pils, the two short stacks in the next three hands. Three player game and I'm third, not too far off from number and I'm first up with A-J diamonds. My gut instinct was to fold, but since I have to get a modest positive point flow for third and I'm an investigator instead of seriously playing I chuckle to myself and go head to head all in with TPTCL Naturally he matched his K and I was eliminated. I even had the flush draw on the river which naturally didn't produce.

Translation -

Game admin versus miscellaneous weak human players and AI. I need to rig the game in a hurry since I have a more important game to rig and end this table.

Ultimatecheat.net Elimantion blackjack

Caught you again. Three tourneys with unreasonable bets by other players that win. I pit all my chips in the first hand - dealer has an ace.

I wasn't even offered insurance. Automatic loss.

Raising...or not

I just was involved in my most reasonable Omaha Hi-Lo table on Ultimate ever.

Appreciate the real poker guys. An hour plus without the crazy raisin'.

Same old story though...why couldn't it have been like this when I first logged in months ago?

Good job (or maybe not), I tried my trick that I call "Opening the floodgates" where a silent table all becomes best friends with each other and the chat becomes insane. What id did get me was that after maybe like three pre-flop raises in 50 hands all of a sudden they started poppig up every 2 or three hands.

Game admin dashboard - warning - real human at table 217. Use raising to equal competence.

But all in all it wasn't too bad. At least they didn;t have the super user that couldn't possibly lose a single hand. But, I did meet bunches of people that didn't want to say a word or even acknowledge that I told them they had a nice hand.

Ooops. Scratch people. AI doesn't care if you think they have a nice hand.

As almost always, I did win some chips. And I loved watching "players" lose their chips, even though I'm sure that tomorrow morning with the click of a button the stack will be refreshed to 100,000.

Time for some Blackjack an watching "players' splitting tens, hitting on 19 and catching a 2 and other such nonsense.

Ultimatebet slits their own throat again

It's really pretty easy to see.

If their was ever a game where conservative play should work....it's blackjack. You have to make your bet before you see any cards. And suppossedly, the dealer has a small edge. In three of four sit and gos tonight I qualified for the final table playing conservatively.

And then watched while bad blackjack play was unanimously rewarded. The same old splitting tens nonsense. Players with previously modest bets making big ones and catching a 20 while the dealer has a 15 and busts.

Now, don't get me wrong....the game is a tad more reasonable than it used to be. The desperate players make big bets when they should to try and stay alive. I do that myself. But over the past few weeks I see them rewarded, and I'm universally screwed.

Registration problems - this is obviously not the most popular game on the site. So tables don't fill up instantly. And I get to watch the list. 21 player game...25 players registered. I was in before the game had 19 players. And suddenly I'm #2 on the next table. 15 players registered on a 14 player game. And the game doesn't start because the AI with the joke name doesn't really exist.

And they continue to play to make me lose instead of playing to win.

Violent mood swings

When you play on the free money tables, often you get involved in "bingo." Raise, raise, raise...let God sort them out. The explanation is invariably that it's just free money...why do I care?

Well, that kind of works if you're playing with 1000 starting chips and you are willing to raise every time, refresh, and continue the same idiocy. Omaha hi-low on Ultimate constantly has the same "I don't care about my chip stack" philosophy when you play a table where you start with 5000 chips.

Tonight on Absolute I got a dream table. Seven Card Stud High low. 100-200 limits. Raise, re-raise, re-raise, etc... Hand after hand. I was fortunate enough to catch two boats in the first three hands. Some great folding chips while I watch the bad movie unfold. And...oh my gosh...they had to break their own rules to try and cheat me.

Fresh off my two boats I've been dealt a A-2-8, great starter hand for a low. There was an extremely unreasonable pause, and "Bob" came into the game when he should have had to sit out and swept the pot with A-2-3-4-5. And, naturally suspicious I folded my A28 before buying into it. The game continued on with ridiculous raising.

And then the magic mood swing. Suddenly, including "players" I've started the table with get all chatty and compliment each other, joke about their losses and such nonsense.

I have seen this so often...wait out the bad AI, watch it finally become a real table. While I should have had to play normal from the start instead of getting cheated for half an hour or an hour and I finally prove I'm not a bot, they get tired of cheating me, or whatever silly reason they have to make the game shift from obvious crap to a sense of normality.

Considering "Bob" came on with a killer hand and left after it, I'm convinced it's a deliberate rigged stop to my night. That I didn't buy into. And the new players constantly raising and not caring about their chips. Indicative of AI playing to make me lose instead of playing to win.

And then, magically after more than an hour of bs the game suddenly becomes real poker. I won 10,000 chips! Which, I don't care about except that it will help watching you embarrass yourself more in the future.

Full Tilt - you have to be kidding

You couldn't just settle for one stupid thing. You had to run the whole gamut of everything that's wrong that makes it so obvious you play against rigged AI instead of real people.

First off, no chat worth talking about. One gh in 1 hour and 15 minutes. On low money free tables where supposedly peeps are just loose and playing for a good time.

The sit and go was - hilarious. And, I was on to you before I played it because I saw the same thing on Pokerfrauds.com. Trying to sit in and play a 6 player free money sit and go is next to impossible to begin with. The game is offered, and the six seats are taken up within ten seconds. While a real human player must click on the tourney, click on the chips to register for it, and then click OK to sit and play it. So, when I finally succeeded in the blitz register, and with my previous Pokerfrauds experience I knew it wasn't going to be much of a game.

And they didn't disappoint. One of the six "players" bet all in virtually every hand. And it was pretty obvious they were the rigged player that couldn't lose - going all in on 8-3 off suited and such and catching a full house 8s over 3s.

Time to switch to no limit Omaha Hi-Lo with 10-20 blinds. Again, a succession of "people" so willing to go all in with their 1000 chips, and lose to a player that virtually can't lose.

Time to switch to 7 stud high low fixed. Naturally, "because it's only play money" no one is competitive and raises every chance.

And they forgot to do one thing. Partial reinforcement. My hands on all three types of games were crap. I think I've trained Absolute and UB that they need to be a little more careful aroud me. Things have calmed down in the last couple of months. And my chip stacks are big enough that I can linger around and fold for a long time when they rig. Full Tilt - I'm still just a small fish in the pond.

Which actually brings up another major problem. Compared to the supposed ordinary person on a fixed limit 10-20 game, I should be a professional poker player destined to win. But, you're so insulted you practically didn't let me win a single hand in an hour and a half.

I have 1.7 million chips on Absolute that says I know how to play Omaha Hi-Lo....I've played more hands of that than Hold'em....and you are going to rig the cards so I stay a runt on Full Tilt.

Screenshot of a "player" doubling with blackjack. Of course it worked out for him.

Welcome to my world.

Screenshot of a "player" doubling with blackjack. Of course it worked out for him.

Welcome to my world.

As always, ridiculous

I had to play a multi-table game on Ultimate yesterday just so I couldn't blindly post on how it couldn't be for real.

Just like Pokerfrauds.com- they are very kind to let you know the standing of all the other players. My table, as expected, wait and think, wait and think, wait and think.

There were two people with more than 7000 chips before my first hand was completed. Just like every game on NLOP, you have to play short stacked, cross your fingers and buy in to idiots raising the pot on nothing.

Poker is a competitive game. Raising does not equal competence. But that's what the bogus poker sites do - rig the cards, raise like crazy. And whine when I fold...

"It's just free money chips"

"It's just for fun."

And this is a game where real peeps are playing versus each other? You like to play poker so much you have nothing better to do than click the "raise" button- go all in and lose?

And how do you explain the player that doesn't exist?

Luv2bnaked. Yep....seen this tons of times before. The hot chick I'm supposed to go gaga over and try to impress her. And she's not there at the table, even though I'm sittting next to her.

Keep rigging.

Another fun night on Full Tilt

Remember admin guys. I'm in it for the long haul. I wait and watch. And comstantly catch you doing something totally stupid.

I doubt your are familiar with me yet. My resume should be scored as a major troublemaker and you should adjust what you do, but Full Tilt still doesn't care. Maybe it's because I'm still in the free trial period.

I don't care about my chips won or lost. I care about other "people" winning or losing. There's always something out there to bust on for me. Like tonight's three hour session on a silly 10-20 seven stud hi-lo game where you didn't even try to make it look for real.

I earned enough chips last night to see all the same things I've seen forever. Player that raises because it's only free money, whe I finally get a decent hand it's bad beaten.

But Full Tilt forgot about the one thing that makes me internet poker's worst nightmare.

The rules of poker allow you to fold. When the bs starts I don't have to buy into it. And, with my infinite patience I can wait and watch. And see things like playing against "real people" tonight for three hours and not a single drop of chat. Human nature would be to have a little bit of trash talk, but NOOOOOO. 3 hours of complete silence and trying unsuccessfully to waste my chip stack into nothing.

Play to win. Don't play to try to make me lose.

Sorry - Full Tilt Poker is also busted

Ahh, the illusion of competence...

By rgging the cards and raising. And giving me crap. Am I having a bad night and the first 40 hands or so are I only get one ace in the first three cards of seven stud high low? Or am I up gainst with a server with an infinite chip stack?

I've seen this all before. New site, same old problems.

I shouldn't tell you this, but guys, when you create the "Super Player" with impressive chip stack that can't lose on a high low game it only proves the cards aren't random. But, to give the illusion that the AI is competent, you must rig/pre-program the play.

My first 50 minutes on Full Tilt tonight was ridiculous. And they did pretty much everything I expect from a rigged poker site. It doesn't matter that I'm not hurting anyone playing for free chips. It matters that the game looks for real and the stupid claims that 50,000 "people" are logged in to the site and enjoying a friendly game of poker.

Things finally settled down....and wow...the second hour was almost like real poker. So, why couldn't it be that way in the first hour?

Let me guess...becuase it's rigged and you're not used to a semi-professional poker player playing on low limit free money tables. And then you do something stupid like.....have the player that can't lose bet the pot with a pair of twos on seven stud when a pair of queens was on the board.

I don't have a screenshot of that, but I'm certain Full Tilt will do something stupid in the future that I can get that.

Finally, I have a critic

I knew it was inevitable. Most of the information out on the web is universally supportive of online poker being for real.

Because I'm annoying I get to see lots of strange behavior that no one else gets to see.

Thank you, dumb ass, for your silly and vulgar post. What's wrong? Do you work for one of these sites and taunting me is a way of getting even? It doesn't work. I get taunted when I play live all the time.

My latest fun has been Elimination Blackjack on Ultimate. It would be a heckuva lot of fun, if the game wasn't so obviously pre-programmed. And it's all a simple matter of having AI play to make it look like lots of people are playing and having fun. So, when I don't buy in to the admin's bs who is running the table, and they get bored they eventually do something stupid. Like create a position with a vulgar nickname.

Twice in recent history on Elimination Blackjack I've seen the registry for the tournament show a position (that doesn't have the guts to sit down at the table) with a very unflattering name. I have a screen shot, of the second one, too. If the site was a legit and professional operation, someone with "SUCKMEOFF" or "USUCK" in their name shouldn't be allowed. They should be deleted. And, so by random chance in the last few days I meet with two of them all anxious to show up at the same tourney as me so I get to see it?

This is not a coincidence.

So, you keep on playing. I'm sure the real money games are handled a lot better than the free money tables as far as making it look for real. But, your rookie admins and obvious AI on the free money tables are silly. How about....just admit it? "Come, enjoy our free money games versus our program as a training session!" Or suspend disbelief in reality and watch hundreds of thousands of people lose all their chips, refresh and lose them again, and again, and again.

And, critic, thank you for specifically addressing me with the problems posted here. (Heavy on the sarcasm.) It does soooo much to promote your cause to call me names. I've got over 100,000 hands of internet poker experience and 1.7 million very hard earned chips on Absolute and I can sure as heck tell when it's for real or not.

Internet games, AI, poker, chess and the illusion of making it look for real

NLOP has caught on to me. The new five player game is impossible to win, at least for someone like me that they've tagged as a troublemaker and onto the fraud. No such thing as winning the first couple of hands. Play short stacked and watch the preprogrammed game/AI play. My tried an true method of folding every hand until it's a three player game doesn't work anymore. And more bad beats than I've seen on playing on Pokerfrauds.com. I can lose these quick games, or play anti-poker for an hour and pick up points. Doesn't matter to me. Even if I qualify for the weekly big game, I won't play.

Playing on Ultimate tonight was also fraudelnt. I had to fold for more than an hour before the game almost resembled real poker. After they watched me fold a ton of hands, the table settled down into non-constant re-raising and I doubled my small chip stack - which was actually pretty impressive a couple of nights ago. Nuked just like on Ultimate to prove that raising and/or calling every hand is a losing proposition. I had 1.5 million play chips on Absolute, nuked more than 300k doing the same thing, and this last weekend I sent them the message, "BRING IT ON..." Now I have less thasn 1.3 million chips, I recognize I'm playing against rigged AI, I have no need to play to win.....

I can play to watch other "people" do stupid things and lose tons of chips. Which, I know you don't care about since you're a server with an infinite chip stack.

When I get bored on getting cheated at poker, one of my first options is chess. The same rules apply. It doesn't matter how good you are, playing against AI you lose far more than you should.

What the idiots on Internet Chess Server still don't get is that I'm actually a pretty accomplished chess player. I've acheived an official USCF ranking of expert...not too far away from master. Occasionally, I play my Grandmaster 3000 software for giggles, and even though I've lost a step due to rust, I'm still a low class A/high class B player. And I continue to get into these game where I play with someone rated no more than 1400 that at times plays like a grandmaster.

ICS offers "Observe a high rate game" as an option. This translates into "Watch AI play AI". I often use it as a mechanism into getting my game going versus a supposed chump... and lose....because the guy running the game hates losing.

So, the points of the screen shot -there is an observer to the game suggesting the completely impossible QA3. Ridiculous and no way even plausible by a slip on the keyboard suggestion. And, why are you even watching a game against two bad players?

Because you want me to think it's for real, put real money into tournaments I can't possibly win.

NLOP - you think you're clever, but you're not

OK, I was wrong about the free points. The question of the day is worth 500 instead of 100 now.

There's a new player in town. The 5 person game that you have to finish first or second to get points. I played two 5 player games sandwiched around a 10 player game. Using my tried and true folding like crazy strat I won second in the ten player game.

The five player games were both...ridiculous.

In here, the players that can't possibly lose get great cards and win every hand. Except for one or two key hands where the leader folds or even dumps some chips on a second poition to assure that they take second. I haven't seen so many bad beats in two hours over a month of internet play...naturally every decent hand I did call was rolled.

And as for the being clever thing...

This site, when the 10 player game options were the only choice was extremely slow. Now all of a sudden in 5 player games "everyone" plays at a normal rate of speed instead of thinking forever.

OK, let me think about this...ten player game, the previous player folds and you think for ten seconds efore you act. Five player game, you react instantly.

This will, of course, be proven over the course of this next week or two. Since I don't even care if I qualify for the big game on Sunday I'm willing to nuke lots of chips on playing the bogus five player tables.

Are you suspicious of internet poker being rigged?

You should be. I had a long holiday weekend to play tons of hours and confirm everything I've already known.

First of all, this is supposedly an interface to have real people match their skills. Secondly, the site should supposedly present a decent experience by their hosting software not allowing others to do things that can't be done. Especially if you've been around for years.

So, Absolute Poker decided to vault into the lead of bad poker sites when I played a Hold'em sit ad go when a player was removed because "they didn't enter the game in the first round" or some such nonsense. Oh, come on, please. The game wouldn't have even started without him being one of the table players. And the chat at the table was...weird for the very least. Two fisherman friends hooked up at the same table. They were kicking everyone's butt to kingdom come. Chatting away like this was the greatest experience they've ever had. I'm determined to fold and watch the bad movie...one of the fisher's wife/significant other messages him as an observer on getting him coffee.

Coffee? Let me get this. She doesn't live with you, and she's watching you play. OK, not out of the realm of reason. Even though you could probably sit out one freaking hand and brew yourself a cup. Or she's in another room of the house and you're playing on separate computers and she's going to brew you a cup. That's a freaking close relationship.

And, since I'm long ago suppossed to be dead, I'm not supposed to see that these two fisher chip leaders just stop talking to each other. Weird. And stupid.

NLOP want's a crack at the worst, too. Login -2000 points, survey 500 points, question of the day 100 points. For a total of 2,600 points that becomes 3000 when I sit at the table. And after already being suspicious I fold every hand until it's a three player game watching the "player that can't lose" clean up the table.

Think about it. How do you get in a sit ad go and fold every freaking hand and win second? Unless.......

the cards were rigged and the chip leader virtually could't lose and you were smart enough to avoid it.

And on Ultimatebet....things are just the same old crap. I nuked my huge chip stack and continue to play on the lame blacjack tables. Where I don't care about my chips. I just like to watch you lose your chips.

And watch my bad dog sleep. And....bored now. A little bogus chess would be good. Because that, like every internet game is rigged.

My first report on playing Full Tilt Poker

A mixed bag. It wasn't too awful. I'll need more than my two and 1/2 hour test to be sure.

On the plus side - in comparison to Absolute and Ultimatebet, the speed of play is pretty reasonable. Whatever chat there was wasn't stupid. They're weren;t any obiously rigged hands - (Ultimate loves to make you lose with a full house versus four of a kind.)

And that's about all I can say for the good.

I'm awfully surprised I only won 250 chips in two and 1/2 hours. The kiddie graphics and playing on a 10-20 Omaha high low table for so long. This site must appeal to 10 year olds. Surely I can get some cards and take advantage.

No way. I haven't seen this much slow play on a killer hand in years. And it's not that the slow play beat me. (Too much.) Instead, it was a constant feeding of incredibly bad cards, what marginal hands I did call on were universally met with a flop that didn't match it, and suspicious raising.

As always, the raisers don't win too many hands. They're just feeding the pot. This site has the best excuse I've ever seen for explaining the constant raising on nothing - you can refresh to 1000 chips once every 5 minutes. Perfect excuse to have no motivation to be competitive and try and win.

So, now I'm thinking....I targeted this site after watching WSOP on ESPN, Scotty Nguyen (sp?) self destructing and playing with his Full Tilt Poker hat on. And...what kind of professional poker player would play on a site with these kiddie images? And what kind of non-professional poker player will play for several hours and slow play a hand on a 10-20 fixed limit game, only to make sure that I don't get any traction in case my bad cards aren't good enough?

Hmmmm......

AI again, just a different program than Absolute and Ultimate.

Mixed bag - nope, changed my mind. I don't have to play a single hand again to know Full Tilt is totally busted.

Scotty, enjoy your $$ you made for promoting yet another bogus poker site.

Full Tilt Poker

I'm sooooo tired of busting on Absolute and Ultimate and NLOP. Time to find a new site.

Usually, I reserve my Mythbusters style "totally busted" message after playing some hands. In minutes without playing a hand this site has proven all that I expect without playing cards.

Again, I try the user name "Vanadium", my personal favorite element on the periodic table. Can't do it, currently in use. Yeah, right. I try "Mooter"... nickname for my bad dog. Already in use. Yeah, right.

Mooter hates that I'm playing on the computer all the time. But, he'll just have to live with it. I found lots of new "people" to play cards with.

And monkeys fly out of my butt.

Absolute Poker - reverse psychology

By now, they should be more careful around me. But, they still just don;t have a clue.

Since I'm not concerned about the size of my near 1.5 million chip stack or improving it I have the luxury to play on free money limit seven stud high low and just watch as they embarrass themselves. The embarrarasment in a fixed limit game is almost always the tried and true "everyone has a reason for raising (except the real human player.)" I only have the minimum 200 chips. I'm going to raise and try to get lucky. I'm just really loose, and even though I have 1 million chips I don't care if I win or lose. It's only play money, I don't care if I win or lose.

Long, long long ago playing internet poker on free money tables and discovering it was rigged and they wanted me to just go away I learned to fold cards that I should play. When they want you to go away you are met with raising by every other "player" with the typical excuses. And when you don't buy into it the admins get insulted. Their job is to make me lose as many chips as possible, I get frustrated and go away. Or even lose it all since I've proven I'm not willing to break out the checkbook.

And, oh yes, it's admins running a database, not a player interface. To believe it's a player interface one must suspend belief in reality and assume that people just don't care about winning or losing. Let me through all my chips in the pot, I had fun raising and losing, goodbye.

The screen shot is anonther weird message excusing bad play, and simultaneously taunting me since I had the nerve to play on a table they ordinarily can let the bad AI police.

Dudes, it's the opposite. The raising is what makes the game slow, not slow play making the raising. At least when you are dealing with me. The AI reacts instantly. Real humans have to think. My brain is fast enough to do the math and I can call or fold pretty much instantly. When things get too annoying and you post the "ZZZZZZZZZZ" messages, it only makes me want to slow down all that much more.

Considering the cards I received tonight and breaking even through your impossible bs, it was another major victory for me. So many hands. So statiscally impossible. This weekend, for a change of pace....try having your bad AI play agaisnt me with truly random cards instead of killing me with bad beats.

Ultimatebet - keep trying.

Keep watching me and I will continue to train you on what you are doing wrong. Just like tonight things were so bad and obvious I should be on your payroll so you can re-program the AI to play a little bit better.

Omaha high low tonight.

As always, the player to my immediate left is the crazy raiser that ends up losing tons of chips. Until two consecutive hands when he caught a straight flush and then 4 kings and one them both (raising pre-flop, naturally.) Add another crazy raiser to feed the pot, the next hand had another player winning with four of a kind. Winning high hands in Omaha are a heckuva lot better than Hold'em, but as always suspicious this was a bit unnatural.

So I went into auto-fold mode and watched the other players beat themselves to death. They finally caught on and after thirty or so hands consecutively folded the realized this cheat wasn't working. So they switched to the tired old, let's give the real player stastically crappy, but marginal cards and bleed him slowly.

Well, it's really a little too late. If the first 30 hands aren't for real I've got no reason to believe the next 30 are. I continue to watch as way more than a reasonable numer of four of a kinds win the high hand. Players that can't lose leave the table and/or sit out. I win a couple chips - enough to linger and fold some more (and break even for the night.)

And finally, they do something stupid.

When you first sit in on table your seat is reserved and you get to set your ante posting/blinds. Annoyed that I was still lingering, not just one but two "players" entered the table without reserving a seat. They just popped up. Freaky. Time to fold some more, which works for the chip stack as it was another "raise the human into losing to the bad AI" thing.

And when that didn't work it became blitz. After almost two hours of almost reasonable speed of play it was, "Let me set my AI to get great cards, you fold or call, I have an infinite chip stack and I'm sick of you being better than me and being so patient."

Hey, butthead....why not let me play agaisnt your bad AI and let's have random cards starting from when I first log in?

You can't, because I'm better than you, smarter than you and I have the patience to fight my way through your bs and still be alive when you finally give up.

And you don't care about me embarrassing you because your bad AI has fooled enough people into playing for real money and they don't get to see the rule breaks and bullshit that I see. Or maybe I'm just the kucky one that sees the obvious bs because my login has flagged me as a trouble maker willing to fold way too many hands that I should. And you still can't make it look statiscally for real and want to get rid of me.

Please stop with the 4 of a kind beating my full house cheat. It's......ng obvious.

You couldn't write a better script...

Here I am, sharply critical of the lack of real people playing on Ultimatebet, and they go and do something stupid.

I wasn't in the mood to get cheated at poker. A little blackjack would be fun. Especially to watch players splitting tens and such. Within the first ten hands I found just such a "person." Jester06 splits tens every chance. One hand against a dealer card of a ten value he split pairs of tens into four losing hands. And doubled on a seven count. And the screen shot is his masterful play of two fives with a dealer up card of a 3. The right choice is to double, but of course he split.

Just because the rules allow you to do something doesn't mean you should. And I won enough chips early to linger around and watch other "players" do the same splitting tens nonsense. Just like the instant rasing in a fixed limit game, I'm supposed to believe the entire gambling community plays the same way(which is very aggressive), except me.

But the real gem is from the same screen shot. Just like ANTJE on Absolute that never sleeps and always keeps popping up, I meet a player "4realitis" by name. Granted, this was the first time I saw him. This screen name is at the minimum a strange choice. No doubt in my mind this was a personal message to me.

When I do post infrequently on the bogus fixed limit games, it's usually something like, "You said 'people', that's funny!" Or, "Thank god this is for real." And just like Absolute when I had two consecutive new players taunting me with their screen name with 'chicken' in it I meet a person who's screen name suggests it's for real, even as the rest of the table self destructs and I have to suffer through statiscally unreasonable card play.

I definitely think I've solidified myself as a completely unwelcome guest. This is because I'm willing to not play for real and adjust my play...and play and annoy the admins in charge of the table for as long as possible.

Which is exactly what I did on NLOP this week. Big weekly tournament starts in an hour. I'm in the top 1000 by playing bad poker and folding watching the AI beat itself to death. And when they threw me a first place on Saturday night to make sure I'd qualify (oh, yeah...wish I could record a whole game so you could see how obvious it was), I'm determined not to play in that game. I prepared for it. Changed my screen name to something fairly innocent, but unflattering and vulgar if you think about it. It's eight letters that say, "Screw you, I'm not into your bs. Thanks for the hacking, which I cleaned up, not going to stay on your site long enough for you to do more of that so I can win a lousy keychain, if you deem I worthy of that after struggling through impossibly bad poker."

Ultimatebet self desturcts, yet again

After so many hours you should know me, but it looks like Ultimate really does not get it.

I don't care about winning the chips. I care about you embarrassing yourself into doing stupid things that a sane person would never go for.

But artificial intelligence is not a sane person, so I must fight against impossible odds just to win one freaking hand.

Every thing was wrong thisd morning. So many stupid "players" raising on nothing and feeding the pot. I've seen this bad movie sooooo many times. You're supposed to get upset and distracted by the bad raiser that you forget that another "player" wins the chips. And while I fold, you do stupid things like bring out someone with an impossibly high chip stack to impress me.

If the free money tables aren't for real, by logical extension the real money tables can't be. I knew this site was bogus before I logged in. And to prove it I lost some chips at "poker" and switched to blackjack. Kind of like switching to a observing a low limit real money game on Absolute Poker. I did win a lot. I don't care about that. I care about that ridiculous play of the other supposedly live player. 55 dealer has a low card, and you split instead of doubling. Splitting tens every time. And losing.

I wish I was a server with ani infinite chip stack that I could play every hand.

Before you ever break out the checkbook and play for real money, play 20 hours on the free games and witness the bs I've seen.

Ultimatebet.net...totally busted.

This site is so bad on so many levels. As I expected when I logged in at 4:30 am and folded my way through the bs I scored major amounts of chips. I continue to watch how "people" with no skill don't just call, but raise. Where the f*** did you get the chip stack to play like an idiot?

Oh, you are a server with an infinite chip stack.

This morning wasn't too bad. I had to fold more times pre-flop than I would have liked to, but going from 5,000 to 18,000 chips was cool.

Time to turn my scanner on something I haven't done on this site before. Play on prime time instead of 2:00 or 4:00 in the morning EST.

As always, the results were amazing. I used my ill gotten gains from the morning to fold and linger. And when I finally did get a decent hand it was universally bad beaten. (Is that a word?)

I can live with that for 20 hands and accept that it just wasn't meant to be my night. When it happens for more than 100 hands it's just the game admins rigging the cards. Winning or sharing a pot in three or four hands over a hundred in Omaha hi-lo.

Tonight's admin was probably the worst I've ever played against. He should be fired. As always, the player that raises is not the eventual winner. He/she is just a pot feeding whore. Until the admins change the active positiom to another slot.

Yep. It's not an interface for live people to get together and play poker. It's a database with a server with an infinite chip stack. Bad AI rigged to get better than average cards, pretend to chat once in a while, constantly raise (like AI cares about losing against AI) and give yourself excuses for bad play and raising.

Sorry Ultimate. You are a big crap stain on the underwear of the internet poker world. You had your chance to make it look for real tonight, and you frigging failed miserably.

NLOP - another ridiculous game

Very suspicious. Even though I backed into third place. The "live" player in the upper right was in post and fold mode most of the game. He popped in for a quick visit on a hand that I was in for a quick raise and fold. This didn't surprise me at all since the whole game was loaded with ridiculous cards.

After last night, I was already in my "spider sense is tingling" mode. Fortunately my cards were bad enough that I got to fold a lot. No surprise that when I finally do get a decent hand I flop top pair and the previously aggressive player finally decides to slow play a pair of kings and beats me. Extremely short stacked, I go all in on 7-4 off suit to try another table, two players call and I catch winning two pair on the flop. Guess you weren't done teasing me yet.

Several more bad hands followed. Finally, as the blinds are rising and I get AQ suited I go all in on short stacked guy to my left that has KJ and flops the winning pair of Ks. Again, just wanting to end it I go all in on 54 off suit, two players call and I flop the winning two pair.

After that, they couldn't possibly have made it look worse. I had a string of 4 out of 5 callable hands that would have been worth a raise on the flop. Like 4-2 hearts catching a flush...and of course another heart pops up that makes my flush look silly. But I was happily folded.

Entrenhed in a pretty solid third place position I was met with the friendly chat recorded in the screen shot. THE ONLY CHAT DURING A 1 HOUR 15 MINUTE GAME. "What's up with all the folding?"

Ummm...maybe if you weren't a cheating piece of crap bastard I wouldn't have to fold so much. I'm still trying to score points, because I'm competitive by nature. I've figured you out that I need to play unsound poker to do that.

And this reminds me why they let me get away with folding hands I should play and squeak into winning points. Now, when I make it to the big money game on Monday night they are training me to play bad poker. Then they can have an excuse so they can say, "He folded KK pre flop! What an awful poker player!"

I don't buy it. As has happened since my first two months of playing here I plan to qualify, register, and the not play in your tournament. At least until you reprogram the game to actually distribute random cards and people don't raise into other positions that win so much. Oh, yeah. I get to see the cards you bet with often. A flush draw on the river with two pair showing isn't even worth a call, much less a raise. But it happens.

NLOP - I love busting on you, even when I win

Do you really want me to play in the big Monday tourney? Is that the explanation for these past four nights? Well, maybe I will. I'm pretty close to a lock for finishing in the top 1000 without playing another hand. Busting on Absolute and Ultimatebet has been rather boring lately. And although the early week went like "real poker" the past few days has been rather suspicious.

Problem #1 - Too few hands with anything resembling half decnt cards.
Problem #2 - Too few flops that match my decent hands.
Problem #3 - The minute few times the flop and my hole cards look decent, I get a bad beat hit on me.
Problem #4 - the aggressive raiser on the first hand is never punished. People always call and he always wins.
Problem#5 - I've seen it all before, and you can't stop me from folding. You should just let my stack dwindle to nothing and let three positions finish ahead of me.

Was a yawning "it wasn't meant to be" something like a sixth place finish. I tried to play for real instead of my bogus poker mode. I lost with AJ to A8 on the flop that caught two pair AA88. Not too weird, except that one very strange hand made my bogus radar fly off the screen. The table was already down to 7 out of 10, or so. One of the two chip leaders that should have been content to just call started big time raising. Caught an inside straight A to 5 on the river. It just reeked of knowing what the community cards were going to be. I nuked my AJ to the two pair on purpose, because as always I'm short stacked and not going anywhere...and I wanted another try at playing "bogus poker mode."

Yes, there were a couple of hands I would have won on if I stuck with it. And there were some hands worth a call pre-flop I folded that would have been worth a call post flop and I would have won. Bogus poker mode does not allow me to call anything until I finish in the money. Which should never happen. Add a third place to the two recent seconds on folding every hand.

Suddenly, after a snotty message about not playing (and two more hands where the post and fold player was ejected) I finally started getting good cards. I ended up eliminating snotty messenger position #2. 2 people left - I win one big hand. Essentially even chips. We fart around for awhile, he raises with pocket fours and I go all in with QT and catch a Q. With 115 chips left I win.

I should be excited about this except:

Problem#6 - Why do you insist that I have to play short stacked? I've played enough hands and seen so many bad cards - then all of a sudden at the end of the game things turn around. For a change of pace...let me catch a nut winner on the first two or three hands and let me bet instead of just fold or call.

It's a pattern that's been far too established this week. One, maybe two nights I can live with it. More than that it's starting to get into the realm of the statiscally unreasonable.

NLOP- the bad movie continues

I played a fourth tourney last night and actually managed to win. I'm in the top 1000, down near the bottom...started tonight at #835.

After playing so long on this site my suspicion is that real human player cards and how they match the flops are linked to where you are at in the ladder. If I'm at position 2,378 I can expect some decent hands. Let's let the guy get close to the top 1,000, cut him off short, then maybe he'll click on an ad and buy something to get 5,000 points to qualify for the weekly tournament.

With that in mind Tourney number started off with me expecting to be pretty much screwed over. And I was not disappointed.

Again, my cards were really bad. I didn't have very many callable hands. The few I did my spider sense told me to fold.

The final count:

Hands I folded that I would have obviously won, including staying in on big bets and hoping to catch on the river - 0.

Hands I folded that I might have won since the winner mucked their cards - possibly 2.

So I get the joy of folding 30 hands and just letting the powers that be decide my final rank, which should have been a big goose egg in regards to points and finish out of the top three. For the second time in 5 tourneys I backed into second place.

The final four were myself with low but not impossibly low chip stack. Two players with huge chip stacks. One player with ultra low chip stack that I was hoping to wait out for third. Instead, second highest chip stack that was Mr. Big Bluffer mixed with getting great cards (who raised on 90% of the hands) self-destructed. With my last 50 chips and no blinds, I folded and kept my fingers crossed as sitting out guy lost to the chip leader on his last $5 all in.

I can pat myself on the back for not being impatient and scoring second. And it really wasn't even bad poker like I normally play - I didn't have to fold a pair of queens pre-flop like I've done many times when I recognize the position that simply cannot lose. But, other than tourney #4 out of the last five it's been pretty obvious that statiscally things are not real for me. (E.g., not outrageous, but in tonight's tourney, no pocket pairs in 30+ hands.)

I'm sorry, this is not the way poker is supposed to be. There's no way someone should take second on a table of ten twice in five tries without winning a single hand. It just smacks of AI programmed to play a particular way and sticking to it since it's too late to re-program once the game has started.

And I've seen this before. The screenshot is the massive chip leader congratulating himself with an "nh". This is either:

1) Careless and not paying attention.

2) Extreme narcissist.

3) AI programmed to respond automatically with a message.

My money's on #3.

NLOP, I've seen this movie once before

Story about some broken hearts. Or something like that. I think Y&T had a song with lyrics like that.

You did so well for a couple of days. Bu then you had to screw me over with the old tried and true let's give the guy unreallistically crappy cards thing.

Tourney #1 -since they had been so nice I play on the up and up and all my nice little pocket pairs eventually end up to be losers. In 20+ hands I have no winners and didn't fold a single hand that would have been a winner.

Tourney #2 - time to play by the bogus rules. I fold virtually every hand. In a 30-40 plus hand tourney I back into second place without winning a single hand by watching the bad AI beat itself to death. To their credit, I often complain about the lack of playing to win and playing to make me lose. The AI played to win and I backed in.

Tourney # 3 - yet again, more ridiculous cards. Lots of patient folding on my part. Short stacked as normal since there's no such way as winning the first hand and getting off to a big chip lead.

The cards you get seem to be related to your rank for the top 1000 and playing for the big money game. I wasn't suppossed to finish 2nd in tourney #2. I was suppossed to be so depressed on my loss that I'd move on to another bogus poker site. But, I was still hungry to see if they would continue the bs.

Tourney #3 was very strange. Lately I've caught how you can see players sitting out and waiting to make it work to my advantage (players in post and fold mode are not bold print.) After tonight I'm pretty sure they know I know since players "wake up" to call or raise. There's no reason to go post and fold. You can stay active and just fold like I do. It's just another tiny little thing they can do to trick you into calling or raising when it's rigged to make you lose.

I didn't have to worry about that. My hands were so statiscally crappy bad I got to enjoy folding almost all of them.

Actually, I enjoy folding on poker sites more than anything else. The admins love to screw you over, and the wild flame-out messages are one of the few perks they get. I don't do that anymore, and from messages posted this week it just annoys the hell out of them.

Ultimatebet.cheat

Oh my god.

You've already proven you can't make a silly little Omaha hi low game look for real. How aout a little seven stud hi low? Nope, gotta cheat in that,too.

How about ---- blackjack. Surely the card must be random and everything's fo real.

And monkeys fly out of my butt.

Ultimate - you are a blemish on the scar that it is internet game cheating. You don't play to win. You play to make me lose. So, when I avoid your crap how about a little respect and just TRY a little to make it look for real.

Human nature does not make you think you automatically have to kick it up a notch to score. And you constantly do that. Maybe folding, or even checking just once in a while would almost make it look for real.

My blackjack skill - solid. And I don't care about the losses, I'm in it for the long haul. I care about:

Every single "player" other than me automitically splts with no regard to the dealer up card. I've never seen a player split two 10* cards in Atlantic City, but here it is almsot a given. Because you are a server with an infinite chip stack. And....they even tried to chat with me. Lighting fast play, maybe I am suppossed to forget about the prior crap.

And I can pet my good dog and slink away into the night and know that I should be upset, but I'm not. Watching bad AI verus other bad AI is a speciality of mine.

ISABEL ROCKS!!!

Babies, puppies, kittens, and chicks oh my!

This really is getting a bit too easy.

My sitch is that they really don't want me around any more. I'm playing on the free money tables, generally kick ass against the AI because I'm willing to fold constantly.

Baiting.

How do we get a conservative and strong poker player to put chips in the pot? Babies, puppies, kittens and chicks. (Nothing personal chicks.)

To prove ir's not for real you really only need to spend about 20 hours on free money tables. Be patient. Fold. Don't buy into the constant raising. And don't give up and leave the table. Eventually the bad AI will burn itself out off of the other bad AI.

Ah...but how do you spot the AI? Well, they raise a lot. On the drop of a pin. I need the miracle card to show up on the river, I'm not just going to call, I'm going to raise! "They" don't care since it's a server with an infinite chip stack.

Every once in a while they have to deal with someone like me. I'm not ever going to break out the check book and put real money on it. I've been lingering around for months. You're tired of trying to make it look for real. If I kill you, then you will go away. Nope. Not me. The more you try to cheat me the more intense I get because I'm insanely competitive by nature. You would have been better off with your bad AI and random cards just letting me win a normal number of hands. But everyone keeps raising with no regard to their chips, except me.

My spider sense always tingles when I'm playing against babies, puppies and kittens. Poker sites let you load an image and there are so many cute infants out there. Aw....Valerie...you're little dacshund is so cute! How could anyone believe anything other than that you're a real person that has nothing better to do then click on raise (before the menu option to do it comes up!)

NLOP has had games where I've played against tables filled with chicks. Again, nothing personal I realize that lots of strong women poker players are out there. There are millions better than me. Apparently as a male I'm supposed to call your ridiculous bet because I must be a better player because of my gender or I'm supposed to try and impress you with my skill and we hook up and have a night of infinite passion.

Or I can just fold and watch the bad AI.

No distractions here. When I play, your babies, puppies, kittens and hot slutty women are wasted.

NLOP - things haven't changed a bit

For most of the week I was fed to win. And they weren't very subtle about it. One tourney last night and two tonight. Played (and folded) an astounding numer of hands over three tourneys.

Marginally on the edge of qualifying for the big and impossible to win weekly tournament, as always I refused to click on adds to get points. Now, with two days left there's no need to feed me anymore.

So, they resorted to the lame old tried and true stastically unreasonable cards for me. Over one tourney, I've had a bad night, it happens. I can't begrudge that. In the second tourney when I play (fold) and see 30+ hands and don't get a single ace, that gets a little weird. And when you get in the third tourney and the few hands you have called on are met with flops that don't match, it gets to be a little bit bogus. Out of more than 60 hands in the last two games, I should have won more than the goose egg they gave me. The hands that I would have won with crappy hole cards facing big bets and lots of players on the table were amazingly few, like 3 or four. A professional player in the same situation as myself would have made the same decision I did in most of those four hands.

And the mere fact that again I can't win any hands in the first deal around the table and I have to play short stacked all the time - big edge - to your AI and/or preprogrammed game.

Grade on making it look for real these past two nights - D minus.

NLOP grade for the night

The very first thing I noticed was that the 3 minute wait was 22 seconds short. The "The game will start in xxx" clock hadn't expired and we were rolling.

Interesting, and different from normal. The player with offsuit J4 all in on the first hand caught a 2 pair J4. Then constantly raised pretty much every hand. Mostly really big bets, not just the minimum. He did a great job of knocking out many positions. And he got caught bluffing a bunch of times. He was also willing to call almost every big bet by others. And others called his big bets often and were the winner.

He pretty much called or raised everything. One teeny tiny problem. Or massive depending on your perspective. While I was still a small fish in a big pond with pocket aces I called his minimum raise, the flop had an ace, I bet the minimum and he folded. Whoa, a little respect. I was pretty much the only person that made him fold before the showdown.

And with my great memory and powers of observation I'm certain we've never played together before. Why am I the only player that you know you can't bluff out?

As was the case for this entire week my cards have been way above average. I eventually knocked him out when it got down to a 3 player game when I got great or above average hole cards versus his marginal hole cards. Went on to take first for the tourney. I'm in the top 1000 for the weekly game.

And.....I'm still a bit paranoid and suspicious. When I'm obviously being cheated at internet poker I get to sit back and smile and laugh at the weird things. When I win because apparently on a roll....is it me? Or am I being fed? In a two player game I called the slightly higher stack leader's all in with pocket KKs with my AJ offsuit and caught an ace on the flop and within a few hands won the game.

I can't give this a really high grade for the night. Let's call it a C plus.

NLOP grade for the night

It's apparent on NLOP that when a player goes into "Post and Fold mode" that their chip stack is normal typeface instead of bold print. When I tried to take advantage of that the admins "woke up" and put a real player in control. And they continue to have this "Network Latency" delay message that pops up that just smacks of "wait while my real human takes control of a bot position."

And you have to wait three minutes before the game begins after all the players have joined the table. What the hell is the sense in that? Peeps are supposed to go pee, grab a sandwich, get some beers ready for a 1 hour game? You can do that before you sign up to join the table. The real translation -

Please wait while we rig the game.

Tonight I had a ton of hands I folded that would have eventually won. Trying to train me to play bad poker to catch on a marginal hand so that when I play in the big weekly tourney they can explain away my loss that I'm a bad player. If I called every hand that was marginal I could probably be described as the luckiest SOB on the planet. Happily folded and not concerned about winning chips, I still took third and scored some points.

Grade for the night on making it look for real - C plus.

That's lame

http://www.poker-king/poker-king-articles.php?article=296


Poker Bots Are Everywhere: Do you Care?
If you are playing certain low level limits on certain sites, then there is a good chance that there is at least one poker bot sitting at your table. To take it even further, there is a good chance that the majority of the players on your table are "bots", depending on the site and the limits. Even in the face of overwhelming evidence that bots are infesting low limit tables, some sites just don't seem to care, and they aren't doing anything about it. Do some sites just value rake over everything else, or do some sites just not have the technology to identify and eradicate the bots?Some "bots" operate for 12-14 hours per day, utilizing extremely similar push/fold tactics on the low limit tables. They will always buy in for the same amount, and they will always have the same general numbers when it comes to pre-flop action, aggression, etc. Now some sites aggressively seek out and shut down the "bots." These would include Poker Stars and Party Poker. Full Tilt Poker is in the middle ground; they famously shut down a well-known high-limit bot a number of months ago, but bots still operate at the lower limits (from what I have been told.)A few of the sites where bots seem to run rampant are Pacific Poker and Ultimatebet. If you are playing at the lower limit on Ultimatebet, for instance, there is a very high likelihood that at least one bot is sitting at your table. So the question is: do you care that there are hundreds of bots, grinding it out on these low limit tables on some of your favorite sites? Do you want the sites to do something about it? Or do you take the opposite viewpoint, and feel that playing about a bot is very exploitable and will make you more profitable? Would you ever consider leaving a site that did nothing about their bot problem?

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I am offended and astounded at the casual way you explain that life on the low money, and free money tables, are invadaded by "bots."

You try to make it sound like the site is all holy and on the up and up, but programmers have figured out a way to place artificial intelligence on the site. No, it isn't outsiders invading your site with bots. It's the site's own AI doing what it normally does. Trying to make it look for real when it isn't.

The first and foremost benefit of bots is that you log in and see that 20,000, 40,000, 70,000...whatever "people" are playing. When I see a site claim that 20,000 "people" are playing I figure it's more like 500-1000.

As with most posts about online poker on the net, Poker King defends, even if indirectly, that it's on the up and up. Spend 20 hours on the free tales and you can obviously see that this isn't true. Because the other 19,000-19,500 other players have big chip stacks and simply don't care if they lose them.

Majority of players are bots? I play against full tables of bots all the time. Just me against the server. The typical pattern is that that finally acknowledge that I'm doing my old trick of playing non-real poker to survive, watch and wait while the admins finally desperately do something to make it look for real. And they always fail miserably at that.

Insane chat sessions start.
Taunting me for folding because I don't buy into the bs.
Rigging the cards to get my full house to lose to four of a kind (Ultimatebet just loves this one.)

Sorry guys. You own the bots, not outsiders. Because you think it helps make your site look for real. And now between this and the Absolute scandal I realize that there are tons of others that see what I see and you are in full damage control mode to try and defend yourself.

NLOP = doesn't self destruct, yet again.

And I also have some exciting new from the world of interent poker about "bots." First, NLOP. For a long time I've complained about how it's impossible to win the first hand and cruise to an easy 1st or second. And I've complained that it's been pretty obvious that others where playing to make me lose instead of to win.

First hand, pocket fives. Too low of a pair for me to get serious on. The player with pocket aces, well, I can entirely understand the big raise. What I don't understand is why so many positions (4 or 5) called it on fairly marginal hands. No better than my pocket 5s. There was a 5 on the flop. And eventually, my three of a kind would have won the whole kit and kaboodle.

Things got a little more normal for my expectations after that. I folded a lot more than a normal person would. It became a four player game where two had healthy chip stacks and two were strugging for third place. Then, magically, player in second place with chips calls the leader's all in and loses, and it's down to three. Hey buddy, you were supposed to save your chips to make me lose....what's up with that?

By now the blinds are insane, and I out wait position numer three to take second. And I'm still in the top 1000. Do you really, really want me to play on Monday night? Or do you just want me to keep close thinking I'll click on an ad to qualify? Only time will tell.

But I'll give them this - I actually got to raise and bluff successfully a couple of times. For me, that's unheard of on Absolute and Ultimate - fold or call all the way. It almost seemed like.....(gasp) REAL POKER.

But not quite, because as I'm always vigilant I did see a few strange calls and raises. One guy going all in on a flush draw and such and winning. It can't be explained off as a bad player that got lucky.

Grade for the session on making it look for real - A minus

Let's do a new post for the message on bots.

NLOP = doesn't self destruct

I'm so disappointed.

As always, I expect to play short stacked. No such thing as winning the first hamd on this site. And they actually made it kind of tolerable. I'll take my second place and go to bed knowing that I'm still in the running for the big weekly game. That I can't possibly win at.

Come on guys, give me a stupid key chain or something, and I'll leave you alone.

Grade for the session. B*

Absolute Poker screws up again

I played against Valerie35 somewhere around 6:00-7:00 pm yesterday. Showing up again at 1:30 am was a little weird.

My guess that this was another ANTJE style fictitious position was confirmed. Valerie35 is not in the card room. And is sitting at the same table as I am.

Also, while bored and folding I observed a 2 cent 4 cent real money game. Complete silence for the first several hands. Then they must have realized I was there and everyone had something to say. Very amusing. In general, since I don't chat I am met with the same. I expect real people on a real money table not necessarily to have these huge deep philosophical dialogues, but an occasional "nh" and "ty". Like, maybe before I sit and watch 10 hands.

Grade for making the session look for real - F

Ultimatebet screws up again

I think the message about sucking was meant for me. Maybe that's just because I'd like it to be meant for me. I did fold the first ten hands or so. At 1:00 am in the morning not buying into the "I'm so bored I must play every hand" philosophy they expect on low limit free money tables.

Regardless, the message did set my spider sense tingling. Within a few hands, another outright rule break. Message poster boy sat out his turn at big blind. You're supposed to post dead the following hand you play. He didn't have to.

After another dozen or so hands, including where I won a nominal amount of chips he psoted something like "Where you all at?" Surprisingly, the AI did not respond. I, of course, felt no need to respond.

Grade for the site for this session on making it look for real - D minus

Absolute Poker - a little to late

I've been buttin' heads with you guys for months. And you've been great for this blog. Rigging the cards, idiots going all in on nothing and feeding the hand winner.

Lately things have been....real poker. Other than waiting you out this morning,

You can't win. It's too late. That is you can't win on making it look for real.

Maybe they think I'm a bot. I do tend to fold a lot. And play it "by the book" when I do call. So, if I'm a bot and I'm cheating, do I really need to wait two hours before I can score some chips? Well, that's what goes on for me. I am constantlty met with irrational raising by the lame player feedig the pot. Occasionally I get a friendly message that I'm an idiot for folding habds that would eventually turn up to be......losers.

And for those that love to feed on my paranoid version of reality, here is my spin on the Absolute Poker scandal where Marco caught being cheated in a real; money game.

It's all a cheat. It's all rigged. It's just another lame site where the peeps in charge hate the way that someone with skill might ruin their income.

When I play Diablo 2 and things get tough I hit {esc} and reload in town. When I play Civ I toggle cheat mode and look at the things the AI is doing.

And when I play internet poker it becomes fairly obvious that I'm playing God in cheat mode. They're not playing to win. Thjey're playing to make me lose.

And since I know how to fold I'm golden and catch the bs regulary.

Night and day on internet poker

It's really pretty amazing how easy this is getting. Tonight's target was Ultimatebet. They still haven't adjusted on what to do with a person that has some skill, is willing to wait out the cheats and will play for more than two hours on a low limit free money table.

I played the first 5 hands or so with my A-game on, naturally lost a bunch of my 1,000 chip stack to the usual bad beats and constant AI pre-flop raising before they settled down some. And like night and day, suddenly "real people" switched from automatically raising to build the pot to being a little more concerned about their chips.

I wish I could have recorded it. You'll just have to take my word for it. The only two times the pre-flop raiser didn't raise where when I had AK diamonds, that would have lost to a heart flush and when I folded a 62 offsuit that should have been folded when 2 sixes came up on the flop. No need to raise and cheat me some more.

And, since it's a limit game I get to see a ton of showdowns where the player raising has crap (betting into the winner) and I get to see that my good hands would have lost to great hands.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't. If I sit a table, even a crappy 10=20 limit table, I expect to see personalities. For the first half hour everyone's personality was raise, raise, raise, let God sort them out. The next half hour was raise and try to bait me into calling into hands the raiser was feeding. After that, I had proven I wasn't going away and I turned around my 500 chip loss into a plus 1,000.

Because of patience with their tell. No, I'm not going to call your "sweep" hands where everyone goes all in. Regardless of my cards.

And the "personalities" were even more ridiculous last night on Absolute. After months of pre flop raising I went to a 100-200 limit seven stud high low game and not only were the pre-flop raises absent, the player to my left called virtually every bet whether I won or another won.

There's just absolutely no way that people will login into a poker site, play to lose their chips, even if free money chips, and not be worried about it. Unless you are connected directly to the server, have an infinite chip stack and can refresh and/or buy as much as you need.

Obeservations this past two weeks -

Bad beats - omaha hi-low, I always lose to four of a kind with my boat. Never win. Very stastically unreal. I get A-2, I win, but two or three others have A-2 and splitting low I lose chips.

And the chat is always one of my favorites. After playing for 2 hours, longer than a normal person would being willing to sit for, on a silent table there was suddenly a flurry of comments.

You can do this, too. Just be patient. And don't put real money down.

Ultimatebet it's your turn

I've been messing with Absolute poker way too much in recent history. Time to head back to the rookie site.

Or is it.

While reading up on the Absolute scandal I saw someone post that they heard that they where "sister sites." That would explain a lot. Since in a limit game everyone plays like an idiot and raises pref-lop on both sites.

Starting with my tiny Ultimate chip stack compared to my huge Absolute chip stack I had to settle for a 10-20 limit game. As always with both sites, there are way too many "people" willing to raise the pot pre-flop. I lined up my beer soldiers, settled in and was as always vigilant and not concerned about chips won or lost. After outwaiting the AI raise-raise-raise-raise scenario I've seen WAAAAYY too many times things magically changed into almost normal poker. (by the way playing HORSE - mixed games Hold'em, Omaha hi-lo, Razz, stud and stud hi-lo.)

Obviously I wasn't buying into the pre-flop raising, so like night and and day, even though some of these positions that where so loose with their chips settled down. Now think about that. I've been playing against "people" that have proven they're sole purpose in life is to raise the pot on a crappy 10-20 free money game.

It could happen. If it was one or two on a table. But when the whole table is "Whooa Haw" it's more than a little suspicious.

After winning a couple of decent hands, I already knew it was time to give them a strong dose of - me. I'm not worried about the chips. I went from 1900 to a max of a little of 2900. The extra 1000 are my foldin' chips while I watch you go to extreme lengths to make it look for real, and you get pissed off that someone with real skill would play on a 10-20 limit table for more than two hours, and you eventually do something stupid.

So, after being insulted by my mere presence on the database I was met with a player with almost $2,000,000 chips. On a 10-20 limit table. Ridiculous. If you have that many you'd be doing what I do on Absolute and playing higher level free money tables. But hey, since you tragted me, I'll fold. And I don't care that you weren't very competent. I see how you are just raising the pot for others (than me) to win.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Everyone keeps raising pre-flop with your constant lame excuses for it. Or switch to playing for real. Where, including on my table tonight more than one position woke up and stopped betting like an idiot.

It's not "Oh my God, I'm losing chips!" It's "Oh, my God! Real human with way too much time on their hands has hooked up with my database and still has chips to play with!" "How did that happen?"

Absolute Poker still self destructs

Amidst the worst scandal in internet poker history they still can't come up with a way to deal with me and make the free tables look for real.

The facts again prove the fraud.

Not too many strong poker players are going to sit in on a 7 stud high low free money table and play for two hours. But since you had to cheat me I stuck it out, By folding a lot.

What you should have done is let me get some half decent cards, AND PLAY TO WIN INSTEAD OF PLAYING TO TRY AND MAKE ME LOSE. Limit game, raise the pot, I get it. You have a half decent hand and you want to win more than 500 chips with your good hand. Despite the fact that in seven stud you are raising on three cards to the max before the fourth card is dealt. Don't et until you've made the hand, or at least are one card away from catching.

And oh yes, it's obviously AI. Real players don't just raise, raise, raise, raise and pray for the final outcome to be in their favor.

I won a minor amount of chips I don't care about. When the table got to a crappy three player game after burning off the AI I switched to Omaha high low, won one half decent hand to assure positive chip flow for the night and sat back and watched as that pedestrian AI played against each other.

Strong poker players like me don't waste their time on the free money tables. They go right to the checkbook without investigating what's really going on around them.

Here's a link on the Absolute Poker scandal

http://casinosmack.com/blog/the-absolute-poker-scandal/

Marco. welcome to my world. I'm sure the staff of a big $$ real money game is better qualified than who's in charge of $100-$200 limit 7 stud high low table. On my tables the cards aren't random. That would never fly on your table, so they need to think of another way to get your chips.

nrh

On Pokerfrauds(stars).com my favorite post was "yfr." You figure it out. Last night after suffering through incredibly stupid pre-flop raising with no chat - and in linger mode. I tested "nrh." Which means "Nice rigged hand."

Incredible. The floodgates where wide open. Suddenly all these silent "people" started chattering away like they went to high school with each other. After ANTJE won a particularly bogus hand, I also posted my nrh as in the screen shot. The AI was pre-programmed to respond to the "n" with a "ty" or "thx", and again the rookie admin realized the mistake too late and posted the second friendly message. Play? Under you're parameters? Where I'm going to lose?

No way. It's obvious I'm not going to break out the checkbook and I log on to your server for 20+ hours a week. It gets more and more difficult for you to make it look for real. I watched ANTJE self-destruct with the old "player that does the raising is feeding the ultimate winner" trick for several more hands. Then I had a half decent hand I should have folded, by my own standards (which is not playing real poker) where I caught a flush on the last card and raised what would have eliminated ANTJE.

And they booted me off the server.

For now, I'm one tiny little voice in a sea of millios of poker players. And I'm obviously a paranoid idiot. And not a good player. That's another poker site standby - well, your complaining, but you're bad. Instead you're supposed to log in, get your free 2000 chips, lose them to our AI after half an hour and go watch CSI. I've got way too much free time on my hands to buy into that. And I like CSI, but annoying you is more fun.

Still not prepared to deal with me

After another highly fraudelnt four hour session of poker over two different sites - on the free money tables (as always) where it shouldn't matter if I win chips or not, I again cane upon my old friend, the preprogrammed hand and chat.

And I caught Absolute again not being careful about trying to make the game look for real.

This screen shot was taken towards the end of that session, after the previous night's session where I non-verbally voiced my displeasure about the pre flop raising by timing out and folding constantly. Which I was taunted for by being such a bad player. Because I fold hands that aren't going to win.

That second to last session was on Omaha High low at the big buck no limit tables. I don't care about the chips won and lost. I care about annoying you into tipping your hand and exposing you for the fraud you are. Not tired, or drunk, but working on both I switched to 7 stud high low, which I hadn't played for quite some time. Limit table. The screen shot is my first hand that I folded right away.

The problem with the message is that no one was playing slow. I hadn't had the chance to get screwed over and time out to voice my displeasure. That message was meant for me. And then, the admin realized his mistake and switched his/her subsequent messages to pretend that it was the positiom with the three sevens on the board. And the complainer is my old friend ANTJE that I proved wasn't for real when I searched ANTJE while sitting at the same table. (See previous posts. Note - ANTJE does come up on searches now.)

Bingo. I finally have a rookie target to annoy. I drop alcohol intake way down and linger.

Lingering mode - feed them an occasional call on hands I should stay in on. Never raise. Watch as I get bad beat. Win a hand once in a blue moon, far less than is statiscally reasonable. Re buy chips since they long ago made the mistake of letting my stack get too big. Now, they are trying to correct that problem, but to do so requires rigging the cards and play. And a seven stud limit game, it's going to take way too long for they taste to do that.

I thought we had come to an uneasy agreement that if the bs was kept to a minimum that I'd be a good little boy and just break even. Instead, they decided to kick things up a notch and target me. Again.

And this is in the midst of a highly publicized scandal about someone that works for them stealig real money from some good players on the real money tables. Well, duh, if the play money tables are a fraud there's no reason to belive that the real money tables can't be manipulated. You'd be better of letting me win every once in awhile instead of rigging things to "challenege" me. Those players that got cheated out of real money, probably only marginally better than me at best. And I'm sure it was Hold'em instead of off kilter high low games that the admins don't pay as much attention to. I invite the poker professional community to play on the off kilter free money games to experience half of what I had. Because, after 5 years and more than 100,000 hands I constantly think, "How can anyone possibly think this is for real?"

And there's more to come.

My old friend NLOP revisited

The end of a very strange week for me. I don't like to play this site anymore for what I do. The site is interminably slow compared to everyone else. Everyone (that is, the AI) thinks for a long time, even on checking. And it's Hold'em. Most of the sites focus is on making Hold'em look for real, so when I pop into a high low game they aren't prepared for me. Except that they know me.

I played one tourney a night, and up until tonight things where pretty much OK. I won chips in every tourney. Tonight, two tourneys.

Preface -

The big thing about NLOP is that you can qualify for the big weekly game by ending in the top 1000 in points. I got to play in that several times and even when I was doing well it was obvious that with as slow as my tables played I couldn't match the chip stacks of all the tables where AI played instantly against AI. Pokerfrauds(stars).com was also very fond of this slow down trick.

On, NLOP, if you are short of points, you have an option other than playing poker. You can click on adds and run through them, buy something you don't want or need and get a huge amount of points.

The tourneys I won throughout the week tonight just reeked of feeding me. Pocket pairs like 10 times in fifty hands and such. And still, I'm just below qualifying.

There's one of four things going on to explain my bogus tourneys tonight.

1) I just had a bad night with some bad cards and evrything is fine in the poker world and it just wasn't meant to be for me.

2) It's late in the week and I haven't shown any sign of "buying" chips and they finally gave up on me.

3) Since I had been gone so long, I had managed to enter into another "Free Trial Period" where they court you and try and make it look for real.

4) It's all a scam and they hate me because I understand that to be successful you have to play not for real poker.

And, I'm happy to report that the real answer is #4. As always, they made a huge mistake.

The very first hand of my first tourney I was dealt pocket kings. NLOP is notorious for a real human never winning the first hand. Usually it's someone going all in with someone j-8 and the community cards just happen to have a 9, 10, q and beating pocket AA. Long ago I told myself that the only hands I would play for the first one on this site where pocket kings or pocket aces. And tonight was my first chance after about 5 months.

I supposedly lost my connection and had to fold. My translation of this event is, "Ooops!" "We gave you a killer on your first hand! Since you have talent I can't let you be the chip leader after the first hand. You must be short stacked like 98% of the time over the last five months!"

I checked other sites quick, my connection with my cable modem was fine. The only excuse could be if their site was down. I rebooted and logged back in. It was still the middle of the second hand. And nobody other than me had a connection problem. Because you don't have a connection problem when you are AI that's part of the server.

That's a new one for me. Normally I just expect my pocket kings to lose to AA after the flop. I guess the rookie admin must not have been paying attention and was taking a pee break.