The Evolution of Poker

Historian Ida Notwannafold has completed a brilliant treatise of the evolution of poker with the brilliant and imaginative title - "The Evolution of Poker." This was a must read for me despite the price tag of the large ante and being forced into the big blind seat on the first hand. The highlights follow:

4000 BC - Somewhere in the Middle East. The first deck of cards is . Unfortunately there are only four cards, so every game is limited to a four player game of Indian. The very first hand after much laughter on their new creation, the question is posed. "Ok - what's an Indian?"

829 AD - Egbert of Wessex advances poker technology by expanding the deck The king is added as a card.

892 AD - Alfred the Great creates the Ace, since he's so much better than the common king. Poker technology again advances leaps and bounds since now the bad beat on the river over pocket kings is a real and present danger.

Approx. 1200 AD. (the exact date has not been pinned down) - somewhere around this time the first Hot Asian chick to play poker distracts her male opponent by her hottines and wins the equivalent of $24 and a couple of boxes of peas. Her family later uses this inheritance to buy land in America years later.

1876 AD - Wild Bill Hickox receives the famous "Dead Man's Hand" Originally thought to be Aces and Eights two pair, we now know he was playing 7-2 single draw lowball at a saloon called "PokerStuds" and was bluffing. When called out he committed suicide.

1978 AD - Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream is founded. This paves the way for Jarah's addiction in subsequent years.

1990 AD - Internet poker is created and poker is ruined forever.

2008 AD - a blogger who has wasted time over a ten year period of investigation exposes the fairly obvious math problems, rule breaks and lack of humanity and general bullshit. No sense of sanity is restored and Jarah does not return to his side after their previous torrid love affair. The dog doesn't care - more attention for him.