The Johnathin Incidernt

To protect the innocent, let's call this jackwipe by his screen name of Johnathin, even though everyone knows he ways 345 pound and can't leave the house without the use of a crane.

I've played on a ton of bogus free money poker tables, and this was right up there with the worst of them.

Johnafat raised pre-flop every hand, including gem hole cards like 4-5. Johhny boy, worth a call, not a raise.

Except you're not a real person.

I've folded to a lot of vacuums, and I have no problem folding here. All the elements are in place. No sign of real human life, no competivity (my dictionary is getting filled) - just raise, raise raise....and if that doesn't work, jerk off come back to the table and raise.

It's a dangerous combination. I made the final table on this 18 seat sit and go without winning a single hand. No aces. I finished 5th, just out of the money only winning two hands. The combination of crappy cards and constant raising is dangerous....for internet poker.

Because I will catch you doing something stupid.

Now, let's pretend Johnafat is a real person for thirteen and a half minutes. If you want to have some fun for your life, what do you do? Being tubby as he is, a gallon of Ben and Jerry's ice cream is a given. Here are some other suggestions for you and your uncompetiful all in friends:

Everyone pounds dow two forties of Malt Liquor and runs into the yard and picks up a rock. Biggest rock wins.

Everyone blows their nose. Biggest snotwad wins.

Everyone takes a laxative. Last to poop wins.

Everyone flips a coin. First time it doesn't match the others you win.

Everyone looks at pictures of Jarah. The last to recognize her hotness loses.

Everyone jumps. Highest jump wins.

Everyone makes a prank phone call. Longest call wins.

Everyone lies down for a nap. Longest nap wins.

Break matches (the wooden ones) and draw them. Long match wins.

Roll a die. First player to roll an umatched 6 wins.

Take off your shirt. The fastest naked person wins.

Type "hun" into a poker site. First to do it wins.

First one to find a pencil with a rubber eraser wins.

Get a deck of cards, everyone draws one. High card wins.

Etc....

Don't play to make me lose. Play to win.