Dear Poker Pros

This is so simple. This is so obvious it is not real people populating the site.

After a five year vacation I'm back on PokerStars. I'm doing my typical and weird investigative things instead of worrying about the chips. Play an hour on a Hi-Lo no limit Omaha table and I promise you that you'll see some weird shit.

Take a break from your busy cashing the sponsorship paychecks and sit in on the free money tables, or at least watch them. They often call it "Fun Money". Fun if you like calling all in bets every single hand.

I have several survival rules for my beloved Omaha Hi-Lo. And I've developed these because this is always the game that develops the most stupid and obvious garbage play on the net.

Rule#1 - don't play seriously until you've gotten at least one ace.
Rule#2 - don't play seriously until you've folded a hand that otherwise would have won.
Rule#3 -don't raise, there's ALWAYS someone(COUGH COUGH) out there to do that for you when you finally get a decent hand.
Rule#4 - after winning a hand, immediately fold the next regardless of your cards.
Rule#5 - long pauses, whether an idiot or disconnect equate to "Danger! Rigged!"

Proper play of Omaha Hi-Lo does not mean go all in or make a big bet every time you have an ace. A modest raise would suffice. But, on 10 different sites the book has changed. Everyone goes all-in based on the fact that they have inhaled oxygen within the last 5 seconds.

Specifically, my time on PokerStars the past three nights has been so to typical of what I've seen the past seven years.

Night 1 - played a crappy 10/20 fixed limit table that I'm way too good to be sitting at, and they pretty much hated me and wouldn't let me win my statiscally normal share of hands.

Night 2 - sat in on a table I desrved to be at, and other than a couple of folds following my rules early on, they refused to let me win a single hand out of 50 or so, and I dropped more than half my stack.

Night 3 - following the rules I survive instead of losing it all, and I fix most of the damage from night 2, but it's pulling teeth for 1 1/2 hours while watching marginal hands go all in, poor hands raising and in general looking more like a program than a real person.

And, in these past three nights on PokerStars. Aw, hell, let's say it again, PokerFrauds, something like 10 characters of chat. I have no reason to believe that these are real people after 6+ hours at the site.