Ultimatebet it's your turn

I've been messing with Absolute poker way too much in recent history. Time to head back to the rookie site.

Or is it.

While reading up on the Absolute scandal I saw someone post that they heard that they where "sister sites." That would explain a lot. Since in a limit game everyone plays like an idiot and raises pref-lop on both sites.

Starting with my tiny Ultimate chip stack compared to my huge Absolute chip stack I had to settle for a 10-20 limit game. As always with both sites, there are way too many "people" willing to raise the pot pre-flop. I lined up my beer soldiers, settled in and was as always vigilant and not concerned about chips won or lost. After outwaiting the AI raise-raise-raise-raise scenario I've seen WAAAAYY too many times things magically changed into almost normal poker. (by the way playing HORSE - mixed games Hold'em, Omaha hi-lo, Razz, stud and stud hi-lo.)

Obviously I wasn't buying into the pre-flop raising, so like night and and day, even though some of these positions that where so loose with their chips settled down. Now think about that. I've been playing against "people" that have proven they're sole purpose in life is to raise the pot on a crappy 10-20 free money game.

It could happen. If it was one or two on a table. But when the whole table is "Whooa Haw" it's more than a little suspicious.

After winning a couple of decent hands, I already knew it was time to give them a strong dose of - me. I'm not worried about the chips. I went from 1900 to a max of a little of 2900. The extra 1000 are my foldin' chips while I watch you go to extreme lengths to make it look for real, and you get pissed off that someone with real skill would play on a 10-20 limit table for more than two hours, and you eventually do something stupid.

So, after being insulted by my mere presence on the database I was met with a player with almost $2,000,000 chips. On a 10-20 limit table. Ridiculous. If you have that many you'd be doing what I do on Absolute and playing higher level free money tables. But hey, since you tragted me, I'll fold. And I don't care that you weren't very competent. I see how you are just raising the pot for others (than me) to win.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Everyone keeps raising pre-flop with your constant lame excuses for it. Or switch to playing for real. Where, including on my table tonight more than one position woke up and stopped betting like an idiot.

It's not "Oh my God, I'm losing chips!" It's "Oh, my God! Real human with way too much time on their hands has hooked up with my database and still has chips to play with!" "How did that happen?"

Absolute Poker still self destructs

Amidst the worst scandal in internet poker history they still can't come up with a way to deal with me and make the free tables look for real.

The facts again prove the fraud.

Not too many strong poker players are going to sit in on a 7 stud high low free money table and play for two hours. But since you had to cheat me I stuck it out, By folding a lot.

What you should have done is let me get some half decent cards, AND PLAY TO WIN INSTEAD OF PLAYING TO TRY AND MAKE ME LOSE. Limit game, raise the pot, I get it. You have a half decent hand and you want to win more than 500 chips with your good hand. Despite the fact that in seven stud you are raising on three cards to the max before the fourth card is dealt. Don't et until you've made the hand, or at least are one card away from catching.

And oh yes, it's obviously AI. Real players don't just raise, raise, raise, raise and pray for the final outcome to be in their favor.

I won a minor amount of chips I don't care about. When the table got to a crappy three player game after burning off the AI I switched to Omaha high low, won one half decent hand to assure positive chip flow for the night and sat back and watched as that pedestrian AI played against each other.

Strong poker players like me don't waste their time on the free money tables. They go right to the checkbook without investigating what's really going on around them.

Here's a link on the Absolute Poker scandal

http://casinosmack.com/blog/the-absolute-poker-scandal/

Marco. welcome to my world. I'm sure the staff of a big $$ real money game is better qualified than who's in charge of $100-$200 limit 7 stud high low table. On my tables the cards aren't random. That would never fly on your table, so they need to think of another way to get your chips.

nrh

On Pokerfrauds(stars).com my favorite post was "yfr." You figure it out. Last night after suffering through incredibly stupid pre-flop raising with no chat - and in linger mode. I tested "nrh." Which means "Nice rigged hand."

Incredible. The floodgates where wide open. Suddenly all these silent "people" started chattering away like they went to high school with each other. After ANTJE won a particularly bogus hand, I also posted my nrh as in the screen shot. The AI was pre-programmed to respond to the "n" with a "ty" or "thx", and again the rookie admin realized the mistake too late and posted the second friendly message. Play? Under you're parameters? Where I'm going to lose?

No way. It's obvious I'm not going to break out the checkbook and I log on to your server for 20+ hours a week. It gets more and more difficult for you to make it look for real. I watched ANTJE self-destruct with the old "player that does the raising is feeding the ultimate winner" trick for several more hands. Then I had a half decent hand I should have folded, by my own standards (which is not playing real poker) where I caught a flush on the last card and raised what would have eliminated ANTJE.

And they booted me off the server.

For now, I'm one tiny little voice in a sea of millios of poker players. And I'm obviously a paranoid idiot. And not a good player. That's another poker site standby - well, your complaining, but you're bad. Instead you're supposed to log in, get your free 2000 chips, lose them to our AI after half an hour and go watch CSI. I've got way too much free time on my hands to buy into that. And I like CSI, but annoying you is more fun.

Still not prepared to deal with me

After another highly fraudelnt four hour session of poker over two different sites - on the free money tables (as always) where it shouldn't matter if I win chips or not, I again cane upon my old friend, the preprogrammed hand and chat.

And I caught Absolute again not being careful about trying to make the game look for real.

This screen shot was taken towards the end of that session, after the previous night's session where I non-verbally voiced my displeasure about the pre flop raising by timing out and folding constantly. Which I was taunted for by being such a bad player. Because I fold hands that aren't going to win.

That second to last session was on Omaha High low at the big buck no limit tables. I don't care about the chips won and lost. I care about annoying you into tipping your hand and exposing you for the fraud you are. Not tired, or drunk, but working on both I switched to 7 stud high low, which I hadn't played for quite some time. Limit table. The screen shot is my first hand that I folded right away.

The problem with the message is that no one was playing slow. I hadn't had the chance to get screwed over and time out to voice my displeasure. That message was meant for me. And then, the admin realized his mistake and switched his/her subsequent messages to pretend that it was the positiom with the three sevens on the board. And the complainer is my old friend ANTJE that I proved wasn't for real when I searched ANTJE while sitting at the same table. (See previous posts. Note - ANTJE does come up on searches now.)

Bingo. I finally have a rookie target to annoy. I drop alcohol intake way down and linger.

Lingering mode - feed them an occasional call on hands I should stay in on. Never raise. Watch as I get bad beat. Win a hand once in a blue moon, far less than is statiscally reasonable. Re buy chips since they long ago made the mistake of letting my stack get too big. Now, they are trying to correct that problem, but to do so requires rigging the cards and play. And a seven stud limit game, it's going to take way too long for they taste to do that.

I thought we had come to an uneasy agreement that if the bs was kept to a minimum that I'd be a good little boy and just break even. Instead, they decided to kick things up a notch and target me. Again.

And this is in the midst of a highly publicized scandal about someone that works for them stealig real money from some good players on the real money tables. Well, duh, if the play money tables are a fraud there's no reason to belive that the real money tables can't be manipulated. You'd be better of letting me win every once in awhile instead of rigging things to "challenege" me. Those players that got cheated out of real money, probably only marginally better than me at best. And I'm sure it was Hold'em instead of off kilter high low games that the admins don't pay as much attention to. I invite the poker professional community to play on the off kilter free money games to experience half of what I had. Because, after 5 years and more than 100,000 hands I constantly think, "How can anyone possibly think this is for real?"

And there's more to come.

My old friend NLOP revisited

The end of a very strange week for me. I don't like to play this site anymore for what I do. The site is interminably slow compared to everyone else. Everyone (that is, the AI) thinks for a long time, even on checking. And it's Hold'em. Most of the sites focus is on making Hold'em look for real, so when I pop into a high low game they aren't prepared for me. Except that they know me.

I played one tourney a night, and up until tonight things where pretty much OK. I won chips in every tourney. Tonight, two tourneys.

Preface -

The big thing about NLOP is that you can qualify for the big weekly game by ending in the top 1000 in points. I got to play in that several times and even when I was doing well it was obvious that with as slow as my tables played I couldn't match the chip stacks of all the tables where AI played instantly against AI. Pokerfrauds(stars).com was also very fond of this slow down trick.

On, NLOP, if you are short of points, you have an option other than playing poker. You can click on adds and run through them, buy something you don't want or need and get a huge amount of points.

The tourneys I won throughout the week tonight just reeked of feeding me. Pocket pairs like 10 times in fifty hands and such. And still, I'm just below qualifying.

There's one of four things going on to explain my bogus tourneys tonight.

1) I just had a bad night with some bad cards and evrything is fine in the poker world and it just wasn't meant to be for me.

2) It's late in the week and I haven't shown any sign of "buying" chips and they finally gave up on me.

3) Since I had been gone so long, I had managed to enter into another "Free Trial Period" where they court you and try and make it look for real.

4) It's all a scam and they hate me because I understand that to be successful you have to play not for real poker.

And, I'm happy to report that the real answer is #4. As always, they made a huge mistake.

The very first hand of my first tourney I was dealt pocket kings. NLOP is notorious for a real human never winning the first hand. Usually it's someone going all in with someone j-8 and the community cards just happen to have a 9, 10, q and beating pocket AA. Long ago I told myself that the only hands I would play for the first one on this site where pocket kings or pocket aces. And tonight was my first chance after about 5 months.

I supposedly lost my connection and had to fold. My translation of this event is, "Ooops!" "We gave you a killer on your first hand! Since you have talent I can't let you be the chip leader after the first hand. You must be short stacked like 98% of the time over the last five months!"

I checked other sites quick, my connection with my cable modem was fine. The only excuse could be if their site was down. I rebooted and logged back in. It was still the middle of the second hand. And nobody other than me had a connection problem. Because you don't have a connection problem when you are AI that's part of the server.

That's a new one for me. Normally I just expect my pocket kings to lose to AA after the flop. I guess the rookie admin must not have been paying attention and was taking a pee break.

I am amazed and stupefied about online poker

Tonight I did a quick check and Googled poker blogs. That was because the extra points survey on NLOP included a question about whether the links should be included. I wasted several months of my life on this site and I was wondering if they could also easily Google my blog and retrain the AI to play based on my comments.

When it comes to the question on whether internet poker is for real or not, there's probably something like 95% of the posts saying it is.

Just like when I got onto MPOGD (multi player online game directory) and slammed Dominion for not being for real, I think a ton of this stuff is damage control so the site doesn't look bad when it's checked out. My MPOGD post with a rating of unplayable on Dominion was met with a succession of laughable posts giving it a ten of ten rating with exciting comments about the game play like, "Weeeeeeee!" Yeah, that will make me want to play the game. You got your rating back up after my drag down. You suckered some 12 year olds into buying a premium account and spending real money on a "free" game you can't really succeed at. Good for you.

Now, for poker peeps, here's what you're doing wrong - the real key to the fraud is in the free money tables. Don't play sit and go tourneys. Don't play Texas Hold'em. Their market research shows that everyone wants to play Texas Hold'em. If you have any skill you can learn the other games in like 2 days of playing. What's a good hand for calling in Omaha high low, Stud high low, Razz, whatever...anything but Hold'em. Since they police the "odd" tables with some pretty bad AI they need to do some strange things to give them a competitive edge vs. someone with a real brain.

What I've seen on how they beat me, since most of the time I call to lose:
#1 rig the cards.
#2 poor players raising constantly (play fixed limit games) that keep losing, but somehow always have a ton of chips to keep playing. Again, the new trend is not to lose to the player that raises, they are just feeding the pot.
#3 Preprogram several hands, an NLOP favorite from months ago. (You have 2 1/2 minutes to do that now instead of 45 seconds like you used to.)
#4 Your chatter really just doesn't fit in at times. I don't like to chat and it seems like this offends you. Do you get a penny a post???

For NLOP tonight -
Decision time. I can try and play on Absolute or Ultimate where I'm surely going to get cheated. NLOP is a little more subtle since they want you to click on the ads to qualify for the big and impossible to win game. Currently I'm at the minimum of 100 points short. After they obviously threw me the game. Way too many pocket pairs for a 100 hundred hand or so tourney. It doesn't make me think, "Geez I'm a great poker player!" It makes me think, "Do you want me to click on an add to qualify and/or what do you scheme for the Monday night tourney?" (Oh yeah, not playing it regardless.)


As usual, the game on NLOP took forever. The only site I've played that doesn't try and blitz you into making bad decisions. Instead it's the opposite. Things are ridiculously slow. Because the AI is all programmed to "think." And you have no option on NLOP to play anything but Hold'em.

So despite all the defensive posts on internet poker being for real I still firmly stand by my position. Play on the free money tables for many hours. Watch the BS. Like me you will come to think:

How could anyone possibly think this is for real?

Ultimatebet.net - you had your chance, and you failed

Congrats. You left me alone for an hour. Reasonable cards, the idiot pre flop raising was at a minimum. You didn't do the obvious bs of the player to my left instantly raising constantly. But you did do it some, and he lost all his chips.

But what you did do wrong was the ever present "sweep" hands where all the active positions call and raise to the limit. No regard for the fact that in limit Omaha high low there is virtually no hand worth a raise. And you played so patient for the first hour while I doubled my chip stack.

And then the bs started. Insulted by my pre-flop folding, you had to taunt me on how you were wining my blinds. Like I'm supposed to call on hands that will lose.

Tonight, the caht was the key. As always, I was very silent. Until like 7 out of ten hands I posted "nrh" which for me stands for "nice rigged hand." And they bit the bait. After more than an hour of virtual silence, other than the taunts the "tys" came up. Until they realized what I was doing, and then the bad beats (nut full house - only hand that can beat me is the four of a kind came up.)

And, boy this site is awfully fond of the four of a kind bad beat. Completely ridiculous.

My first rule for playing poker on the internet for real money.

Don't. If they can't play the free chip tables for real, the real money tables must also have the same magic "I can't lose button" attached.

My second rule - once the raising gets insane, even when you have a decent hand. Take a breath. It's just a big database that you are set against pretty impossible odds. Maybe you can gain a couple of bucks playing on the low money tables, but if you pretend to be smart and have the audacity to raise on real money tables you will be brought down like a bad mutt. Fold.

Internet games have been cheating people for years with their database vs. real human aspect.

It used to e like 45 seconds on NLOP

First off, I must say I had a very good weekend. Not by the number of chips scored, by baiting the cheaters into tipping their hand and exposing themselves for the frauds they are.

I have two screen shots, that I won't put up for now, of some vulgar messages describing me as a very bad player for folding so much on Ultimatebet. Needless to say, the hands I was folding were not going to win. I just pissed them off so much by not buying into the crap that just like last weekend they had to try and taunt me.

Doesn't get under my skin any. I can do this forever. Because, as the planet's foremost authority on bogus internet poker (and not having a real life) I have the time and patience to observe instead of worrying about winning chips.

Fact number one, buttheads - I've got skill. And you know it, because you go to insane lengths to make me lose. And then try to make it look for real when it's obviously not. Starting this year the trend is to have the raises come from a different position than the ultimate winner. Too many players complained about the bad beats on the person raising, so they adapted the AI to cooperate. After playing for hundreds of hours these past few months it's a given.

Fact numer two, buttheads - you're statistics are way out of control. Another new trend is that hole cards and flops don't match. Invariably on Omaha High Low ( you hate that I play that instead of hold'em, don'tcha) if I get an ace two the flop is something like 7,9,Q, And there's always someone with 2,2,9,K all differerent suits that has no business being in the hand that's more than willing to raise the pot and catch on the last card. Or at least call while his "buddy" raises and he catches on the last card.

Fact number three, buttheads - even if playing for free it's human nature to try and win. Just like Microsoft Hearts it's certain you are playing to make me lose instead of trying to win. And you present yourself as an interface for real people to play against real people. Instead, you are a database with an infinite chip stack and occasionally the owner of the server logs in and decides I need to be dealt with.

Fact number four, buttheads - here's a refreshing and new idea for you. Go ahead and put you're AI on the table. Let me get my poker fix and win some chips. I promise you I will slink away into the night, get bored and go away. But, the more you try to cheat me the nore stubborn I'll become.

Now, NLOP - I haven't visited you much for awhile. But your still on my radar screen. I appreciated the way that you handed me third place (should have been tied for second, but who's counting.) I loved the way I actually got some decent cards, and - I saw how you fed me. If I had stayed in on my marginal hands I'd have freaking ruled the table. Nope. Real poker first, do't try and train me into calling bad hands and catching on the river. I don't know what your nefarious schee is for me this next week. Regardless, if I qualify for your big weekly tourney I will not play it.

Let me tell you about another site I play on - Jockstocks. Buy sports players and watch their value go up. Still just another bogus internet game site. They've had rule changes just for little old me. Because I recognized the crap that was going on. Monthly competition - forget it. The three times I actively went for it I was always screwed over by site being down problems and things like Chase Utley going 0-4 with three strikeouts being one of the top dividends.

They can always screw you over. We shouldn't even play.

Unless you want to be annoying like me.

I've certainly struck some nerve endings

Playing actively on two "poker" sites it's obvious I'm not welcome on both of them. Because I refuse to lose, and it's goig to take you a loooonnnnngg time to get rid of me. Despite the virus on my pc I cleaned up this morning, thank you very much. It's happened before.





They still just don't get it. If you leave me alone and let me win a normal number of hands, I will quietly slip away into the night and find something else to do. Unlike you, I do get it. You're a database with an infinite chip stack. And you can set your AI to play however you want. And you do it....badly.





Every "person" plays the same style. I've seen it all this week. Absolute had a very slow table where each position thought for half a minute before calling, folding or raising. That was new since they normally play ultra-fast. Do you think it bothers me how slow it is? No way. This is what I do.





Linger and fold.





And you hate that. Playing by your rules I should be playing with 1,000 chips starting from new every night. Instead, I have a healthy chip stack and you do all the things that are wrong with internet poker and prove that it's not for real.





The player that can't lose.


Stastically unreal crappy cards - I play for hours at a time and it's obvious that I just don't get my fair share of good hands and/or those that meet the flop.


The player with an amazing amount of chips that just keeps raising, and loses. Definitely on to that one. It's the current trend in bogus interent poker...the position that raises is not the winner....it's just a pot feeding whore.





And now we've "played" from 3:30 to 5:30 am with no idle chit chat. Which I refuse to get involved with. And they hate that too. There must be some rule that says you must chat since I make money on it and Google my ads so I make money on that.



After a night of no idle chit chat and folding something like 100 hands in a row I was met with the friendly message in the image.

No - not stupid. I just recognize when it's not for real. After folding 100 hands THAT WOULDN'T HAVE WON!

In a high -low game with split pots.

I've seen garbage you raise on and catch on the river. Over and over again.

Here's a new idea for you - it's just play money tables. No need to cheat me. I can go to the mall and buy a better poker program than you have.

Bad chat #2

"When I fold I get the cards, when I stay don't figure."

Ummm...it's seven stud. It's not Hold'em or Omaha. When you fold you don't get any cards. You don't have any community cards to match.

Moron.

Ultimatebet, what this was supposed to be and you failed

2 nights ago I played HORSE for the first time. H for Hold'em, O for Omaha high low, R for Razz, S for stud, and E for stud high low i guess because you can't spell a nice word with anything else. Kind of refreshing...low limit table, I had to fold far too many hands before I got some winners. And I won 700 chips before I called it a night.

And I said to myself, 'Geez, that was actuall kind of fun. Myabe if I'm not hurting anyone and I need a poker fix without getting cheated, this is what I can do with my life for several months."

Yeah, right.

I won several hands early. Things were normal. Then, the bs started.

The player to my right became a pot feeding whore that couldn't win a hand if his life depended on it. He complained at one time about what a bad night he was having and he would play his last hand. And played more than thirty after that. And after gaining a measly 500 chips before this, guess what I did?

Fold almost every hand.

It was pretty easy. During his irrational raises my cards pretty much sucked. They did't try the old trick of me calling on good hands and losing. He did resort to taunting..."lol" on almost every hand I folded. Proud to bluff me out......of a loser. On rigged cards.

Another rookie admin's job is on the line here. You'll never graduate to officiating the real money tables with this.

Here's a new idea. Make the cards random, make your bad AI random (and no need for chat) and let me play like I purchased a $29.95 piece of software instead of tring to make it look for real instead of constantly trying to cheat me out of my chips. I promise you, I will get bored and move on. If you don't, I'm a stubbornly competiteve person that will continue to try and find new things to annoy you more than I already do.

Ultimatebet.net is still my #1 target

Please be alittle more careful. When you post your acknowlegemnt of your acheivement on winning the hand, make sure someone acknowledges it.

The chat was insane (can you say preprogrammed file?) so maye you weren't paying attention. Nah. you just got lost in your own muddled mix while trying to bring me down.

Ultimatebet - again too easy

They really don't get it yet in regards to me. A way above average player with lots of time to kill...and you've already proven that you've targeted me as a problem. I out waited you and got to see -

Extremely bad cards.
Lots of raising pre flop.
Extreme lack of chat even though I played for 2 1/2 hours.

Granted, it was a 10-20 limit Omaha high low table. You can expect lots of bad players constantly raising on crap. But that's why I lingered. Even though it was obvious I was wasting my time in regards to gaining chips.

Supposedly, this is an interface for live poker players to meet up. No way. It's a database administered by peeps that don't like to lose. If it was real people I played against they lost a crap load of chips. I'm sure that the database admin can refresh them to infinity.

The pre-progammed chat early on was sentimental. Someone committed suicide. I must be a very bad person for not believing it. Even though the instigator of the chat posted that he was playing his last hand three hands earlier. {Can you say, "Retrieve chat file?"}

The biggest mistake they still make -nobody other than me folds pre-flop, including the constant raising. I refuse to believe that real people are so cavalier with their chips, even on a 10-20 limit table that they call an raise every single hand for 2 1/2 hours while I'm there. It's Microsft Hearts. You're not playing to win, you're playing to make me lose.

It must really suck being a poker site admin

I've been doing this for a long time now, almost five years. And I'm continually amazed at how someone playing for free play chips has to be smacked down so often. The answer has to be - I work for a site populated by AI, and my job is to try and make it look for real. And I have several tables on my shift - I can't be everywhere at once. So I have created a facsimilie of what I imagine the game admin dashboard might look like.

This came about from a composite of lots of thoughts on the five years of experience. Granted, and you will never convince me otherwise - I've probably only played a handful of games that was me against all real people. I've played far too many games where everyone except me plays the same style. I've even logged into the same site the next day, and everyone is playing the same but different style.

So, since I'm willing to fold so much and linger around I get to go head to head with the game admins instead of losing to their AI that are supposedly real and competent poker players.

Five years ago, the dashboard was set to bad beat on the river. The casual poker playing world went up in arms about the bad beats...and trained them on what they're doing wrong. They have some new tricks - but for now mine are better. In fact, my tricks are superior. #1 - i sit back and fold and watch the bad movie, which is usually AI beating up on AI.

And I'm far too observant for them. At tonight's stud high low table that was full a "community card" came up that everyone can see. One of the chip leaders at the table called a low hand that he could not possibly win based on the cards shown. My two choices are, bored and didn't care, or AI that is set on certain standards. Considering his play over the next dozen hands it's the second. Or he just had one brain fart after playing solid for so long.

Again, if they are willing to cheat so much for free money chips, why would they have any need to not play for real with real money? It's ridiculous.

Oh boy did I catch you big time tonight Ultimatebet

I'm very annoying. I'm proud to be annoying. My mere existence on your database is annoying. I understand that you're bored, you're job at trying to make the site look for real is really sucky. But don't try and manipulate me into losing chips. Maybe if you just let me play I'd just leave you alone after getting bored. Or you can test my patience, which at my second job here is infinite, you can just tip your hand and prove that it's not for real.

A lot of things I've seen I've admitted are just suspicious. A lot are statiscally unreasonable. Some are just so downright bogus that the proof is in the pudding. (I think I've heard that phrase before.)

After last night's session on Ultimate I finally bailed with 5,016 chips. I started on tonight's table with the friendly message that the maximum buy in was 5,000. As always, I lost a ton of hands early to bad beats and folded like crazy on bad cards. The pre-flop raising was gone. That's weird enough on its own since I've played for weeks with ridiculous pre-flop raises.

As my bs detector got turned to high I started folding decent hands. Just like on Absolute the admin running the table took offense to the fact that I wasn't losing my chips fast enough for them and created the "Chicken" hands. Some admins are better than others and are willing to just let real humans play. This one was a total rookie.

After folding a hand, the player in the upper right suddenly rebuys with over a million chips. First off, with a maximum buy in of 5,000 this is impossible.

EATING CROW HERE - YOU CAN REBUY IN WITH MAX CHIPS!

Second off, with the way people have played on this site acquiring over a million is virtually impossible. But they weren't done with me yet. Still not satisfied that I'm not calling, they add a player with 29,000 on a 5,000 buy-in max table. With the name "nonickname1". At the same time another player is named "Letsplay- something" And a "person" I've been playing with for more than an hour and half violently complained about speed of play long after that I timed out on a pref-lop raise to million chip guy.

This really is getting too easy

I had some pc problems that I fixed and played a tourney on NLOP for the first time in weeks.

I kid you not - one sit and go tourney that I had FIVE pairs of pocket tens. And they won four of the five. Normally I'd expect to be toast after the first or second all in. But, do you buttheads even begin to dream of the stastical reasonablness of this? I doubt it. I finished second.

There's no way I'll ever play in your lame impossible to win 2000 player tourney. You might as well just bad beat me to death.

I switched to Ultimatebet.net.

Strangely and suddenly the raising was at a minimum. This is because the AI is programmed this way. At least for me. I'm sure they can tie it into the login....I get to play versus different AI than a different player gets. (Reference Absolute Poker non-existent players.)

I won a modest amount of chips, as always folding a ridiculous number of hands. What they are telling me is:

1) I'm a bad poker player for folding so often. Obviously raising ple-flop on Omaha high low is the key to winning. Nope - I've done it myself and proven that it doesn't work. You let me built my chip stack up too much to die on the obvious crap.

2) I'm in charge of this database. I really hate the way that you have not gone away when I've pulled out all the stops to kill you.

That's what internet poker is, my friends... A big database controlled by someone in charge of the server that really hates to lose despite the fact that they really aren't that good at the game. And it takes someone like me to call them out on it and say, "Hey guy.....how about you and me playing fo real without the bs?"

The answer to that is always - (by the cards and not words) "Nope, I can screw you over every time I want to.

POCKET TENS FIVE TIMES IN LESS THAN A HUNDRED HANDS!

What Ultimatebet is doing wrong, part 2

Don't keep the player to my immediate left the most aggressive, and often most incompetent position. I've seen the cards you raise on. Even though you get me to fold, the table full of AI calls you and beats you. I know it's more subtle than raising and constantly winning - raising into someone else's winner. Play to win instead of trying to make me play to lose. (Expect to read that a couple of more times.)

And when you're not doing the automatic raise because you have an ace, raise on some half decent cards. Especially when you have more than the minimum # of chips. It only looks like you're playing to make me lose instead of winning.

And fold a hand every once in a while. Playing virtually every hand (and raising) is a losing prospect. Especially since you're not going to get my chips since I know you're playing to make me lose instead of trying to win.

Don't call on other's posting of blinds, then all of a sudden raise when I post the blinds. This happens an inordinate amount of time. It makes you look like you are playing to make me lose instead of playing to win for yourself.

Don't buy in with the minumum 1,000 chips and immediately start raising the pot. It makes you look like AI. And if you're not AI you are hoping to ctach one great hand and get rolling, or you are trying to make me lose instead of winning.

Stop it with the "Sweep hands" where in a limit game everyone calls and raises to the max and God sorts them out. This especially looks like you are trying to make me lose without trying to win. I don't care what hole cards I have, I will fold and watch AI beat AI to death.

Don't make me play statiscally unreal poker before I finally win some hands. I'm not going to flame out and post nasty messages. Just like tonight you are not going to hear a peep from me. As a bored game admin with your AI team you can win virtually every hand. I get that. And I don't have to put up with it. I've already proven that I'm a lot more annoying and patient than you. In Omaha high low you should get an ace once every 4.25 hands. If I play several hundred of two hours, give me them. Don't expect that I'll just get bored and start calling hands I shouldn't. I out waited them tonight and have over 4,000 chips. Not like I care.

And during my two hour ho-hum wait for a decent hand and watch while the bad movie unfolded I also saw how in addition to lack of aces my hands and the flop universally did not match. I get A-2, the flop is 9-k-j. I have KKQT - the flop is A-2-3-5. Which I've experienced over thousands of hands over the past two weeks.

So I continue to linger and be annoying by my mere existence.

And I love it.

If the free table games aren't for real, by logical exstension the real money tables aren't for real. They can push the magic button any time they want.

Ultimatebet.net new challenge? No way I win again

There's some stiff competition out there, but I think Ultimate decided to prove themselves to be the worst site on the net. In just a few short weeks I've baited them into tipping their hand and proving it's not for real. They just don't get it. It's not about my winning or losing chips. It's about how I make you go to extremes to beat me.

They've made a ton of mistakes. Some were simple and obvious that I've seen before. Maybe one new trick that I caught on to in a hurry. In these few short weeks I've already reached the point where both sides are thinking, "You're on to me, I'm on to you - what are you going to do about it?"

On my side, I'm a very stubborn and competitive person. The more you try and cheat me, the more I want to annoy you. That is quite simply accomplished by lingering around. I'm supposed to get annoyed about how many hands I lose and give up. It has the opposite effect. I revel in the badness. Whoever runs Ultimate are extreme rookies at the making it look for real thing.

First off, I quietly built a healthy 27,000 chip stack playing through some incredibly bad poker. Not on my part, on the part of the other "players." Occasionally I would call a hand I shouldn't so AI would call/raise against AI and I could sit back and smile and fold. I decided to go for broke and took the entire 27,000 and sat at another statiscally unreal higher level table and made sure to post a friendly message about what I thought about the site.

Ok, you've heard this before, but here it comes again -

The results were spectacular.

Now I'm at the point where I've played over several hundreds of hands of Omaha high low and they want to cheat me so bad I've maybe won like - oh a stistically unreasonable 30 or so . And that includes splitting pots where I actually lose money since someone else has the same low.

OK, Ultimate, I shouldn't tell you this since you can change the program and benefit from this info - but you want it, so here it goes.

Don't have your AI "login" at 2:30 am, 7:00 am and 7:00 pm. When I see someone (other than me) that lives to raise on free money poker tables and doesn't sleep, my radar goes off the screen.

When a real person sits down at a mostly empty table, do not within a minute have the table fill up. Especially at 2:30 in the morning when you can scope around and see how empty the site is.

Don't bad beat someone with a four of a kind so much. To believe this site is for real, you have to believe that there's a four of a kind in Omaha like once every 10 hands. Maybe an exaggeration, but you get my point.

Other than me, virtually nobody folds pre flop. That's pretty weird.

In the real world, poker players do not instantly raise in Omaha with an ace 2. Absolute does the same thing. Do you guys have conventions and talk about how to program your AI? I haven't gotten to play 7 stud high low on Ultimate, but I know in Absolute that any ace (other than me) is worth an instant bet or raise.

Don't make excuses for pre-flop raising. They're very lame. Often they are as simple as someone posting, 'darn pre flop raising" and leaving. Or it's the bored player with few chips. Or it's the "person" who is "playing one last hand before going to bed. It's just an excuse to raise the pot so that the other rigged hand wins it. (And that's the new trend - it's not the position raising you that's going to win it's the other guy sitting back in the corner. Great excuse to call it human collusion, but when you play thousands of hands and keep seeing the same pattern it gets very annoying - except to me since I find it laughable.)

Don't do things like have a "player" post that they're annoyed about the speed of the game, leave, then rebuy-in 2 minutes later. It just makes you look like AI instead of someone that hand a change of heart.

When you complain about slow play, be consistent. Since I've been know to time out on purpose and I've been called on it, make sure that you do it to the next person.

Don't have another position show up with a similar name to mine. It doesn't make me want to get friendly with them. It only sets the bs radar off.

Don't treat me like a bot. I'm not a program. I'm a damn fine player and pretty much screwed by statstical unreasonableness - that's why I fold so much. Is that why you bad beat me so much with four of a kind? Nah, probably because I've insinuated myself on your database, I'm better than you and you just have a really hard time dealing with it.

My dog wants to play and Monday Night Football is on soon. The rant will continue later.

Ultimatebet.net - maybe my ultimate challenge?

Geez, I only won like 500 chips tonight. They're definitely on to me. Playing against their AI (o0h yeah, definitely) I finally got to experience all the bad poker things, and internet things I've come to understand.

Patience. And a good poker player will be patient. But a good poker player doesn't play a crappy Hi-low free money table for three hours. But I do.

In the old days, a couple of years ago, poker players complained about the bad beats on the river. The person that was raisning them caught on the river, killed them and that was the end of them. After tens of thousand of hands on Absolute and Ultimate I see that the new screw over card is on the turn.

If I'm just patient I can expose their flaws.

I wasted too much of my life on internet games like Dominion and Bruce's Paranormal Deathmatch. It finally became obvious that I pissed off the owners of the database that I could follow their rules, be successful...and even better than them. At their own game. Internet poker on free tables is just the same. I'm better than you. Uriginally I posted I was an 8 on a scale of 1-10. I'm probably more like a 9 now. I have about 25,000 chips on Ultimate that tells me I'm a good player after starting with 2000. Within 2 weeks.

Maye I'm still in the FREE TRIAL PERIOD and that's the reason that the cards have been OK for the past few nights. My powers of observation and trusty pad of paper tell me otherwise.

The human instead of AI aspect is all screwed up. I played for three+ hours and the only lame chat was relegated to "nh"s on obvious 4 of a kind killers. Sometimes a nuts flush drawn on the last card is an nh, buttheads.

As always, I was pinned between the two most aggressive "players" for most of the night.

And, I finally got a small bone - from the stastically unreal. Full table of ten "persons" one pesrons and AI) No folding, except me. With three low cards on the table I fold my loser low and within nine other positions noone qualified for a low hand even thow you showed up at the showdonw.

Can you please make things a little more obvious????

Ultimatebet.net as always...busted

I admit I was getting a little worried. Last night's Omaha high low session was very reasonable. That is, within certain parameters that I will discuss on pre-flop raising.

Unlike Absolute Poker there was hardly any pre-flop raising. That's the way it should be. Hardly any hands are worth a pre-flop raise. Hardly any hands are worth a pre-flop fold. So I mucked around and built up some chips amd wondered, could this site(Ultimate) be for real?

Well, I had already done my weird login in time trick of coming alive when a sane and rational person with my IP address wouldn't be able to cope with the evidence that things werem't on the up and up. Mostly due to irrational raising. Now that I've played a bit on normal time and I've been patient I gave them a chance to tip their hand(s) and I've come to understand that something funny is going on.

Apparently every sane and rational poker player on the planet raises whenever they have an ace or a pair pre-flop on a high low game.

I used primo trick number two the last two nights. Everyone plays for the high hand. I don't care what my cards are. If I don't have a solid low winner working I'm out of town. If I accidentally catch the high, so much the better.

Which also includes trick number three....not playing the really popular tables.

And since I survive so long willing to fold so many hands I get to see the "human" aspect not really working. Previous nights had a royal flush and a couple of four of a kinds being the winners. Tonight's 3-7 straight flush (on a seven card stud all club hand) was met with nothing. Certainly not by me.

So since I can't bust the cards as being completely unreasonable, I switch to busting on "human" reasonable.

At first I log into seven stud high low and it's a five player game. The previous night it was one player on many tables. I can play one on one or find another game. I find that other game in Omaha. Tonight- real players! 4 positions and me! let's play! Did I say real?

Logged in, changed auto-blind to post, changed to sit in the game. After the hand played out I was switched to sit out. Switched to sit in. The hand played played out, I was switched to sitting off. Allright - you must know I'm here. I'm just going to play some cards and forget about real life and have some fun. Nope. Forced out again. Then I finally got into some pretty bad poker.

I'm sorry I've insinuated your database and that I'm a better poker player than you can ever dream of being. What are you going to do about it?