Million chips

And within 2 minutes he's gone.
Not
real
people

Yeah, fucking right

Almost 9 million chips on a game that you can't use them. The site caters to two year olds. There's mo fucking way a player gets almost 9 million chips against serious competition.

The biglaydown=1. Math=1 In trouble legally = 1

Final Score - me 3 you zero. And I didn't have to play a siingle hand

1000+ player tourneys, Badugi, Lesbians

When you become the foremost critic of Internet poker on the planet you get a lot of baggage that there's no room left in the trunk of the car for. One would tend to think that in these days with all the legal action that maybe there would be a low profile mentality. But they just keep chugging along making the same mistakes that continue to prove that you are playing against a big database with an incompetent program that has to give the AI an edge in the cards department to remain competitive agaisnt a brain.

What Internet poker needs to realize about me is that I have a super human level of patience. The ordinary casual player dies before the real bullshit starts. I'm more than willing to put a poker game on as background noise while a movie I'm interested in is playing.

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Badugi.
In and of itself this game is a crime against nature. The reason it exists is because it's so alien that nobody can figure out the rules and AI that raises all the time gets an excuse. Apparently there's a new twist where the best three cards can win a hand. Unless PokerFrauds makes a new update that fixes this I'll be back posting. Changing the rules on a weird game is a sign of godlike whim.

So I playses(real word) my Badugi tourney and I get cheatsed(real word) and I saysed(real word) to myself. Why the fuck do so many people register and sit out or raise like a Tom Cruise braying jackass without concern for actually playing a comforting before I have sex with the Asian hottie call it a night nap?

AI don't sleepses(real word.)

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My bike is red. Don't have a bike, but if I did it would be red. And it would have streamers on the handle bars. And it would have a banana seat and spokes in the wheels.

And it would tell me to worships Satan and kill my parents.

Logging in to a game I'm not known to be accustomed to and at a time I'm not normally there leads to an all AI game that sucks because since the cards aren't random I'm targeted to lose. The arrogant employees hate that a real human might win. Must be a box of donuts on who can get the best bad beat or something.

Now, get this. I posted about how my bike tells me to worhsip Satan and kill my parents. A truly bizarre post against people I've never played before deserves an immediate response. Not four hands later when the admin got the wake up call - "real human aisle 5!"

Lesbian Nun movies - a hard habit to lick.

Rupert Murdoch's Hot Wife

My utmost apologies for the last post. In reality II am crazy scared of the repercussions. My lawyers have constantly reminded me that attacking multi-billion operations like Internet poker, Scientology and the hacking scandal are against my best interests. Your wife is EXTREMELY attractive and I wish you the best of happiness. I hope you make it through these bogus lawsuits. Please send me a link where I can can keep myself updated on what is going on and make a donation to your legal fund.

The Wall Street Journal on Internet Poker

WARNING: NO ASIAN WOMEN IN THIS POST.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424053111904772304576468413705412974.html

Since this is the most major development in a multi-billion fradulent industry it's not a huge surprise that the Journal has picked up on the story. Still stinging from the shaving cream pie attack thwarted by his hot Asian wife, Rupert Murdoch, easily the most credible man on the planet has made sure to make the Journal have an article on this development. Rumor has it that after bad beats on two consecutive hands Rupert (are there two p's in that?) set his bowl of oatmeal down, pet the cat that nobody had the heart to tell him died two weeks ago and went to sleep.

What Rupie/Ruppie realizes that the rest of us have long ago forgotten is that saving those last 5 chips could be a potential game breaker. Go all in every hand 20 consecutive hands, win every one. Completely statiscally reasonable. Then you can sit out for five hands while a new bowl of oatmeal warms and get crushed when your aces are beaten by 72 off suit and you can call it a night.

Seriously, "people". What kind of a mentality gets involved in a big hand and doesn't go all in with your last five chips? Too distracted by TV? Low grade moron? Can't be that - Rupeadupe is woth billions.

Oh - AI that isn't used to someone folding a billion hands like me and making it to the final table to see the event.

Full Tilt Poker is NOT random

http://fulltiltpokerrigged.blogspot.com/

Earlier today I found this blog. I read enough to form an extremely unbiased opinion. Yes, that was sarcastic.

This guy has dedicated a significant potion of his life to collecting a bunch of screenshots and posting numerous messages about being cheated by Full Tilt. I use this as justification for my own actions, but I must point out some of the major differences.

Let's get the obvious stuff out of the way first. I'd like to think I'm funnier. Itty the Kid...that post was hilarious. No Asian women. Major flaw.

Now for the important stuff.

It's not just Full Tilt. Virtually every one of the poker sites I've visited has been crap. Not surprisingly I've spent most of my time on the big three the US Justice Department finally got the balls to do something about.

Kudos to him for having the nuts or insanity to do something I won't. It looks like he might actually be staking real money.

His take on the aggressive bad beat like crazy play is that real people are being fed winners to keep them interested. I think it's AI that doesn't have to worry about a chip supply.

His focus is purely on the cards when I have an abundance of other illogical activities (for example see last post about naming yourself.)

On the major plus side, like myself he's not disguising who he is. I'm sure Full Tilt has his and my IP address recorded and that we are treated to a special brand of bullshit love because we are known troublemakers.

One thing I'm curious about is that there are a ton of comments posted to his posts. When it's once in a blue moon that someone finally has the audacity to attack me. This might be because of my continued emphasis on the math and there not being a good response to refute it. In any event, kindred spirit I salute you and I will be reading you regularly.

Naming Yourself

When I get cheated at Internet poker, which is pretty much a daily basis, I try to find new and creative ways to prove that it's not for real. Sadly, there's nothing new. So I resort to one of my old tricks.

There's no way that someone, even with the lowest self esteem creates an account with these bizzare user names. Yet here we are on an alleged interface playing against other alleged people.

People that could do something more important like downloading Asian porn have created a screen name "maggot". It's just not rational. But apparently I am the only one that's noticed.

Sitting Out

Full Tilt might be screwed, but PokerFrauds still has the same old bullshit.

The claim that players whine about others sitting out is monumentally bullshiity. It's a defense for AI to not play while AI vacuum sweeps the sycthe and then magically comes alive, usuaslly with great cards and heavy betting.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to mfigure out this is rigged. All you need to do is observe one of the games I sit at.

In general Interney poker isn't about winning. It's all about raising.

If Full Tilt folds )purpseful poker refernce) I'll be the first to put on my boogey shoes and dance on their grave.

Full Tilt Shut Down

Wow, I was wrong. And this is only for like the 1,768,415th time in my life.

I'm still taking this with a grain of salt and two malt liquors, butt (intentional) apparently Full Tilt has been reamed up the ass.

http://wickedchopspoker.com/full-tilt-poker-shut-down-alderney-suspends-license/

The key wording is on how they were shut down over concerns they could pay back depositors. My ass sumption (again, intentional) is that real money was funneled into owner bank accounts, spent on Lamorghini's and Asian hookers and is not available to repay those sorry they couldn't see it was bullshit folks.

I'm not going to pretend I'm Phil Ivey. I am not in the top 1% of poker minds on the planet. Butt (need I say again?) I am very observant and because of fate have deidcated a signifcant amount of my life to investigating exactly why Internet Poker just simply be an interface for players to hook up and play.

The cheating and the non-random cards has become a part of my life.

If all the major sites are blown away I just don't know what I'll do. Other than connecting with Asian hookers.

This post does not suggest that these two lovely lasses were hookers. They are present because they are Asian hotties, which is a consistent theme here. And as they are friends of Jarah I can sleep easy tonight knowing that the sheep in my backyard will be comfortable.

OK, now get this. This is weird. This is way beyond guys not liking hot Asian chicks weird. This is way beyond Scamway, Scientology, Mormonism, swampland in Florida weird. During the weekend I did regular checks, not checks written - it's illegal, on what was going on with Absolutely Awful Poker's blackjack games. The registration screens were locked up with full tables and a partially full table the entire weekend.

There's way too much money for a multi-billion operation to allow themselves to be shut dow for 4 days. When I logged in the reg screen was still statically in the same position. But, before I got the screenshot someone finally joined the single player on the 7 player 1k buy in game. And before I bailed it was up to 5 out of 7, even though the full tables still hadn;t resolved the excellent (cough cough) play that pervades this game.

If you have the time and effort you can dig back into the past and see that when the Elimination Blackjack was first offered I obviously caught these guys with beta testing pretending it was real people.

Now, I am thew magic key that unlocks the tables and things move forward again.

Translation - preprogrammed hands, admins desperately trying to make it look real and cheating out of boredom.

I will bite at the bait. The results will follow tomorrow.

The 14 Second Warning Virus

At least we have a rational explanation why Full Tilt and Absolute were down all weekend. The 14 Second Warning Virus is still playing havoc with PokerStars. The obligatory complaints were posted in chat. In Spanish. I considered reporting the douche, but...why complain about an admin desperately trying to make it look for real. They know it's a fraud.

So, after locking up third place and not really caring it was only natural for me to go all in on AT suited. The only thing surprising about the out come was that I wasn't bad beated.

Now this position wasd the chip leader for almost the entire final table. Let's assume I'm wrong, which I'm not. You called my all in with a pair of fours. You demonstarted some skill, but mostly great cards. I was extremely conservative and instead of bluffing you had the warning signs that I had a hand. You desrved to lose.

Of course, you can't win the big picture war because if that happened that screenshot would be here.

Maybe your only out at this point was a "nh" and just move on to the next hand instead of being a crybaby.

As for the using massive amounts of time nonsense. It doesn't bother me. I can watch a movie while folding the inevitable crappy hands. Get a new trick.

Penn and Teller poker reg screen

All right cowards. Lock me out. It only proves I'm right. No Full Tilt or Absolute for a day. I can log in to Absolute, but I'm only interested in the blackjack which has been jammed with the same AI not playing.

The Credability Scale

Full Tilt has been down, at least for me. Absolute is running, but check out those screen shots. Same filled tables without the games starting. I really could have used even the most fradulent blackjack gane for some fun. Which basically means Absolute is down. Obviously too busy refunding money.


A multi-billion dollar industry can;t hire one hot Asian programmer to keep things running 24-7. Pathetic.

The 14 second PokerStars Computer Virus

You can't swing a dead dog in this town without hitting a Hold'em game where multiple positions wait until their 14 second warning before making a move. At least not my dead dog because he weighed over a hundred pounds. (RIP Moose). The best guess for this behavior is that it's simply the current AI program. The 7-2 low game presented something unseen before by the staff here at The BigLayDown.

Chat that doesn't match the outcome of the hands.

In the never ending quest to make it look for real I was presented with the first table in a bit with a significant amount of chat. Fine by me, I can and did ignore it. The basic theme was that the chip leader was whining about Euroidiots calling every hand and going all in and winning. The facts, which PokerFrauds precious hand histories could prove but will never be revealed is that it just didn't happen. The guy folded almost as much as I do. And the annoying frapchunker (real word that I just made up) was the one that went all in on the first hand and was called by someone who couldn't possibly have been serious. Feed that vacuum!

What followed was a flame war. I waited it out and took second.

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Poker etiqueitte

There's no excuse to ever show your cards.
Don't wait till the 14 second message appears.
Limit your chat to nh and ty and talks about the weather and such.
Don't feed other people by buying into a call on an obvious loser. I don't care how bored you are.
Don't play to make me lose, play to win.

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Why bet 1509? Best guess is one admin signalling another. Best other guesses for the bizarre behavior.

1) The PokerFrauds community is populated by players from Amsterdam that are so high they don't know what's going on and the weed has affected their judgement.

2) Lasix and numerous pee breaks.

3) There's a book out there that gives the secrets of Internet poker that explains that being an unproffesional frapchunker is the way to succeed.

4) Multi-tasking looking for Asian porn on the Net while playing.

My money is on number 4.

The Annoying "It;s your turn to play" Warning

I can be annoying with the best of them, without posting a lame Rebecca Black style video whereby someone with no talent gets attention. Neighbors slam their doors and run up the stairs - got that. I'll do the same when you try to sleep. Ninjas climb down on ropes from my ceiling - got that. I'll wait three months when you don't expect it and I'll tip over a mop bucket in your Octagon training facility. I am a vindictive and bitter SOB.

It's bad enough to be cheated by PokerStars, but to put up with every single 18 player 2k buy in game constantly being populated by "people" that can't click the check box to fold when they are on the action is as irritating as Willow Smith's I whip My Hair Back and Forth getting any attention.

The assumption can be made that poker is a competitive game and when you log in to a tourney there is some interest in the outcome. You turned the Playstation off, serviced the girlfriend (which Jarah, Lucy Lee and Devon Aoki tell me you were really bad at), let the dog out, serviced the girlfriend a second time which was even worse than the first, nuked a burrito and ate it, drank a beer, farted and settled down to ACTUALLY be interested in your non-Playstation game.

But no.

You still can't swing a dead cat in this town without hitting a 2k buy in table on PokerFrauds without multiple players getting hit with the warning that it's their turn. Let's put some emphasis on the multiple players comment. Maybe one jackwipe is watching TV and the poker game is background noise. Maybe a second was loading up hot Asian pics on their pc for their blog. I can fold a crap hand, which by far outnumber the callable much less raisable hands in 2 seconds.

Yet here we are watching for weeks how these "experts" are taking way too much time.

If PokerFrauds wants to get any credibility and begin to make me believe that these are real people they need to change the time rules. These "people" could sit out. So anytime a psoition doesn't sit out for two consecutive times their eliminated. Eliminate the Time Bank.

Your the only site that has this "benefit" and experience has shown it appears to give an admin a little extra time to rig a hand.

Or at least kust like the message about sitting out completely post a message about your apparent concern about players taking too much time.

Since this isn't going to happen expect to see a million screenshots of multiple players not reacting until the 14 second warning.