After yet another table with play that makes no sense, like going all in preflop 5 draw during heavy betting with just a pair of kings, me and my crack team of media researchers (me and the dog) broke out the vintage telegraph purchased at auction several months ago. It was originally owned by Itty the Kid, and at $175 we think it was a steal. After intensive minut...er...days of research we came up with two noteworthy articles on what's going on in the gambling world.
First of all Doyle Lonnergan loses his money to some grifters because he made the mistake of killing the grifters' friend Luther. They set him up to "place" a bet on a horse race. In the heat of the moment and as the script dictated he placed the money on the horse he was told to bet on to win, not realizing the horse racing venacular "place" means 2nd place. I'll bet he's still stinging from that.
Of more interest is the latest news on train wreck extraordinaire Charlie Sheen. Buried within the upcoming events of PokerStars news releases we uncovered this gem:
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Irene Totheleft, PR Spokesperson for PokerStars, has announced that in honor of Charlie Sheen buying 21% interest of the play money stock in Pokerstars that starting in May "Charlie Sheen" tables will be available.
Coinciding with a switch in acting style for Charlie these tables will be geared toward his new image upgrade. Charlie intends to become known as a method actor, escaping from his current image as a meth odd actor. And hopefully PokerStars can gain a benefit before he becomes a meth OD actor.
These tables will continue to exhibit the erratic behavior people have come to know and love, but there will be a bonus point system in place. Prizes will be awarded in "Chuck Bucks." These treasured bucks can be redeemed for fantastic prizes. The initial awards schedule has been released, but is subject to changes and additions:
Go all in first hand with 7-2 offsuit - 5,000 CBs and a free 1 week pass to the Sober Valley Lodge.
Register for a game that was different than the one you thought it was - 4,750 CBs.
Register for a game and sit the whole one out - 4,500 CBs.
Raise every hand - 4,000 CBs.
Use all your time bank on the first hand - 3,000 CBs.
Use of time bank on the first hand without all of it - 2,000 CBs.
Registering for the site for the first time with a user name that is a disgusting bodily fluid like phlegm or pustule - 1,500 CBs (although apparently these have already been taken. There has been discussion on opening up names with numbers after them at a reduced CB reward.)
Posting chat out of turn responding to a question that hasn't been asked yet - 1,250 CBs.
Posting in chat 'lol' when you tie another player on an all in - 750 CBs.
Posting in chat 'weeeee' on a race table after winning a hand - 500 CBs.
Every pre-flop hand not folded - 5 CBs.
The initial prize list is also subject to change:
Having the Universe admit that you are God - 7,500,000,000 CBs.
No longer having to pay alimony to three exes - 4,000,000,000 CBs.
Not having to go into rehab every month - 1,250,000,000 CBs.
Not being considerted more of a laughing stock than Lindsay Lohan - 1,000,000 CBs.
Gaining back a genuine modicum of self respect - 500,000 CBs.
Not being named on a Dead Pool list - 500,000 CBs.
A charlie Sheen "Chuck Buck" T-shirt - 25 CBs.
A Charlie Sheen rum and coke (no rum) - 1 CB.
Spending time with a real goddess like Jarah or Sora -
Priceless.
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Time out now. Even though I'm about to preach something I haven't been doing right now in an effort to make a point about IP and Charlie. My dog has been staring at me hopefully for the last half hour wondering why it's more important to me than he is. But, I have the calm sense of cozy satisfaction that in the 14+ years of my friendship with the my crack (no Charlie - not the drug) team member I have often adjusted what I wanted to do to accomodate him. And I'm moments away from taking care of him tonight.
I doubt Charlie is going to get enough CBs. to gain the respect of his children back. I've read wiki and seen he has done some great charity work, but maybe what you need is a serious cause in your life. To replace your obvious denial. Set up a foundation with the LLS, find a good woman, move to a ranch in Montana, change your name and don't let anyone hear about you for a decade.
Or you could just piss everything else away and write a big check to Scientology. That will get you the respect that Cruise, Travolta, Kirstie, and Bieber share.
(Bieber's not a Scilon, I was making a point about respect...I'm just saying.)
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