Elizabeth with no last name

Alas poor Elizabeth. She's got no last name. She's got no numbers after her name.

She's got no humanity. Rumor has it that she car bombed an orphange in Brazil years ago and miraculously survived by hiding in the glove compartment. And she has been known to call for directory assistance on numbers she could easily look up on her own. And she takes more than 8 items into the express lane checkout.

Now, I have made a point of giving my special brand of love to all the major sites, and in over nine years I have also attacked some lesser sites and I have busted 11 of them. One of the universal "givens" is that when registering common names are not available. You can't take "Fireman" and it's reasonable to expect that some other fireman beat you to it, and you need to settle for Fireman762. And, if "Pustule" has been taken, what are the odds that a simple first name without any numbers after it hasn't been scoffed.

Me and my crack team of username experts (me and the dog) have done our calculation and figure it's somewhere between 0.00% and 0.00% (zero not included.)

Elizabeth would have been taken within the first few weeks of the site coming up and available. All these many years later Liz decides to show up at the same meaningless lowball game I am at and naturally is one of those idiots that feeds someone else's stack in order to make my life miserable.

Me and my crack team of last name experts (still me and the dog) offer some suggestions for Liz.

The dealers shoe was bogus, so call yourself Elizabeth Shoe.
The game was so ridiculous I wanted to vomit. Call yourself Elizabeth Hurley.
I was bewitched by her skillfully managing to be eliminated on the second hand - Elizabeth Montgomery.
Rumor has it she likes to tan. Elizabeth Bare It Browning.
Another unconfirmed rumor - she likes to make flags. This could lead to either Elizabeth "Betsy" Ross or Elizabeth Tailor.
Yet another rumor - she takes her clothes off all the time - Elizabeth Berkley.

And as a special bonus - a title instead of a last name. She only ever plays a hand where she has a queen. Kudos Queen Elizabeth.