Me and my crack team of astronomers (me and the dog) got wind of this several months ago because of my relationship with Dr. Martin Boscowitz (not his real name to protect him. Nobody needs to know he's really Dr. Bosco Martinwitz.) Marty, as he likes to be called since nobody needs to know his real nickname is Bosco and I met at the 2005 Tel Aviv conference on the reasonableness of internet poker.
After several months of accepted invitations to look through his high powered telescope I've been helping him out with light house chores, gardening, walking his Great Dane "Bitsy" and the occasional spit and polish of the scope lens.
Over some lemon water and certainly not Malt Liquor Marty splained to me about the riggedisity and raisinghesness of online poker. And yes, we know. That sentence is loaded with words that ARE real words, but just don't look like them.
Marty and I have discovered that Martians have invaded PokerStars 5 card draw lowball game. The feelers have been put out and the saucers are on the way. Messages have been intercepted, and me and my crack team of linguists (me and the dog) have been able to translate them.
"Vghfresd ogah brofroitt sobnya" - This species is weak.
"Lub -Jarah is wogga wogga smkng duj!" - But Jarah is hot!
"Klaatu, Borada, Nikto" - "But if we just send our advance agents in and raise every hand we will soften them up, they will lose a ton of free money chips, get arrested for petty crimes, organize meaningless social clubs based on wine and cheese tasting, ruin their economies and calling informationfor numbers they can easily look up themselves."
These advance agents explain a lot about why 5 draw low on PokerStars is so unreasonable. And I think they know I know Marty. One of tonight's "fun" tournaments was met with someone that raised almost every single hand. Screw you. Still took second. Send that to your glorious leader.
Even more fun was the prior night's games. And screw you again Martian overlords. I took first place in both despite being desperately short stacked in both at points.
The problem with Martian agents is that they bet aggressive early on. They still haven't learned English yet, so the 5 characters of chat spread out over two hours doesn't really mean diddly.
So I said, "Marty, dude, buddy, blood-brother after the embarrassing sweathouse experience thing and confident, wouldn't they try just a little bit to make it look a little more real before the saucers landed and Tom Cruise saves us from the ray guns?'
Nope. Gotta play catch up. Thje Venusians have already taken contol of Omaha Hi-Lo. That's an internet all-in fest.
And Earth is stuck in the middle.
Nice knowing ya'll. Me and my crack team of watching a few last gladiator movies on cable before I get eradicated by alien weapons experts (me and the dog) are going to try for one last modicum of real human happines on UB BJ.
You just never know when the end is here.
Marty wants to see one more pic of Jarah,
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