Newest trick

It's pretty easy to spot the really bogus games. Just join the table with the biggest waiting list.

And you get an impossible number of chips, insane two year old chit chat. "Players" that are so willing to feed the pot without playing competively.

Got three more screenshots of this all in nonsense that pervades the internet poker world.

Raising does not equate to competence.

Apparently, the two year olds have figured out that on the free money tables there are 'farms' they can feed off of. So, the jackasses raise on even the most marginal of hands, because it pays off.

How are you going to explain this one?

Is it just a bug, or is it that you don't want me to see the fraudelent play? Six players registered out of the seven to fill the table, and I can't play because the table is full.

First, let's talk about the latest on CityPoker.

Fresh off of an obviously bogus 35 hands with no ace Hold'em session, I take a shower and a good nap and log on to An Omaha Hi Lo game with some player named MINEZ. Very interesting that I had one ace in 39 hands. Can't be proven here, so let's get on with it.

MINEZ, if a real person, typifies what is so god awfully wrong about internet poker free chip tables. Apparently, the sites are rigged to encourage the all-in mentality. Reward the two year old, and eventually he'll come back to the table with Dad's credit card. MINEZ dropped over 200k free chips before he had a decent winning streak, including my all in. But, the jackass went all in on nothiong hand after hand after hand. And I had ONE ACE in 39 of those hands. In Omaha, where you're dealt four cards. Fugging ridiculous.

If I have to, I will start at the minimum 1000 chips. I don't care that you cheated your way out of 100k of my nearly 300k stack. Because, eventually, you will do something stupid. And I'll get the screenshot.

A long, long, loooooonnnng time ago I discovered that UB's blackjack was rigged. This game has the same 2 year old mentality that to be successful you have to bet like a jackass on even the most marginal of cards (again, assuming your a human and not AI.)

So, you are either a two your old braying jackass, or AI set to automatically split ever time you get a pair, and/or pre-programmed - it works. You split 4s against a dealer ten up card into a massive win. Unreal.

From the realm of the suspicious, but unproven -

Normally when I run my registry fixer I get either one error or no errors. Today I had 15. As this came on the heels of one of the most ridiculous poker sessions related to this table I have to wonder, do we have a little bit of hacking going on here?

Also strange is that UB had an update and I couldn't figure out how to find any play money tables. Cowards.

Now, let's address the table. This is just south of 2 million chips on a 40,000 max buy in. That's a net of beating nearly 50 players going all in. It's a given that if you have 40k to play at the table that you have at least some modicum of skill. And yet, you lose your 40k, rebuy, lose it. Rebuy. Lose it. To someone that obviously is getting incredible cards. Or, your rebuying and losing with ridiculously crappy cards like I got.

Sitting in on purpose on an obviously rigged table I was focused on not playing seriously. The hand histories are logged in on their database - 35 hands before I got my first ace.

You just got up on my radar screen City. My planned project of messing with Pokerstars again will have to wait a couple of weeks.

Bad admins take note - you can't be lazy and just let the rigged AI play for decades until a real human pops into the table. The huge stacks don't make you look competent. The huge raises don't make it look competent. It makes you look silly and stupid. But, you get away with it because unlike me precious few people actually sit at the table and watch the insanity.

Time for some UB blackjack if they'll let me in.

Gary, love the sentiment, but you're part of the problem. You were so convinced that it was rigged (which it was) that something like five hands in a row you expressed your disgust.

So certain it's a fraud, and for something like thirty hands more you linger around. And actively bet while I get crappy cards.

Just another dumb ass reason to raise pre flop. These sites are really running out of excuses.

Vacuums and feeders. And unreal poker. And you bring out someone named KARLOVAC?

Who isn't in the cardroom, even though he's at the sam table I'm sitting at.

Try harder.

Laughable.

But, let's backtrack to yesterday first.

Crazy4000 was one of those "players" that went all-in every hand. I sat in on that table because it looked like the most unreasonable one available. Vacuums and feeders. Crazy was an obvious feeder. An unlimited supply of chips and the claim that he was "going to lose them all to get rid of his addiction to this site."

And, I sat in on another "race table" that they yelled at me to get lost. Since a race table appears to be "bet pre-flop like a braying jackass on even the most marginal hands" I recognize that the internet poker community loves to bet aggressively and let God sort them out. And the sites comply by providing feeders (or farms like they were called in my old Dominion days.)

So, even if I am at a table with another real human, they're competing for the feeder chips. And not playing real poker with any thought behind it, they also bet really aggressive, because it works. Go all in, catch on the river, do some high fives, have a quickie with your girl, go back to the table and bet more like a braying jackass.

And maybe I'll start to think I'm good enough to play for real money.

It's a given that the sites have a stable of player names to chose from. Since I don't sleep right, I get to see the same names over and over and over again. I've seen how the AI often is present at multiple tables. Granted Thunderbird could have been mistaken about what table he's on, but if you're focused on winning, even if sleepy like he claimed, why do you post a two card hand on a four card Omaha game?

Keep on substituting betting for competence, I'll be there.

Excuses and Collateral Damage and Bingo

Dear Fudgezoo:

If you are a real independent person showing up at this table (which I doubt), there are a few simple rules for surviving rigged internet poker at the play money tables. Fortunately, these rules do not apply to me because I have this down to a fine art.

I'm sorry that I was one of the winners in the hand you complained about. If you were to review you would see that I never raised, only called, even though I had a nuts low winner.

Begin your game with a healthy dose of skeptism. Like me tonight, 8 hands with an ace in the first fourteen. An ordinary and unaware mortal would have been betting aggressively. My two choices are call or fold. Before I even begin to think about something like playing seriously I need two things - an ace, and a hand I folded that would have won.

The reason that Pilgrim raised every hand - that's what the PROGRAM told him to do. Because, if it was a real human that played that way, he'd never have enough chips to even buy in to the table. AI with an infinite chip stack is very, very brave.

Now, what about you?

As with 100s of tables I've played on these last seven years, you get the sense...hmmm...something is wrong here. And for a period of time, you keep coming back for more punishment.

Well, you're part of the database and part of the problem. No need to complain when I'm not hurting any real person where you've left the table on an unpopular game run for hours or even days and AI amasses an impossible number of chips. The admins really need to find new ways to deal with me. Whether it's bingo where the player has infinite chips or the player that can't lose (the two most common attempts at looking like a competent human) I will continue to spend hours getting great info.

Which reminds me Absolute - what happened to FreckledMom??

I was excited until I realized...

Omaha is my game. The best stuff here, other than the famous showdown with a pair of AAs, KKs, QQs, JJs, and the "other hand that miracuolsly was the winner" is usually from that. When I am in the mood for Texas Hold'em, I like the 2 table games on Full Tilt.

The real problem with tonight's game was the chat. It was insane, stupid and didn't match reality. It certainly had the feel of a pre-programmed game they dredged out of the woodworks. What makes me sad is that when the chat turned to the US election from two weeks ago as if it was happening TONIGHT, I got excited about the cool screenshot it would give me. Then, I realized that it wouldn't be dated, so it didn't prove anything. I could have taken it two weeks ago.

The only compensation I have for finishing 5th of 18 - which was a miracle since the play certainly looked like a "make me lose instead of playing to win game" is that I got a couple of names to investigate in the future, the satisfaction of knowing I probably burned off a pre-programmed game and brushing up on Hold'em.

For the record, here are the mistakes made:

Card's kiss Last Coke's butt early on, and he's the early chip leader. My AK and AQ first two hands weren't good enough to win either. I called the first bet on the AK, folded after a big raise. Folded the AQ immediately on the second hand. Saw the showdown and both were garbage. KT suited the fourth hand - folded immediately. Also would have been a loser.

One might tend to think that with three very playable hands out of the first four that you would have lost to a bad beat and not seen the insane chat.

The chat:
Last Coke bragging about how patient he was and how he was going to gut the guy that kept going all in. The same guy who was the chip leader when I exacted. RpyalGunner was a classic ???? are you talking about? type of position. That's the position that posted these messages (edited for the content, not the actual):

So, who do you think will win today's senate race in Minnesota?
I folded suited pocket 4s.
Please, no bullet, no bullet... (on a hand he'd already folded.)

Did you have a bullet and you didn't want one so you could justify folding? Could be. But with such an aggressive game - 2 tables to start, final table after 15 hands, nah, just seem like more "please don't kill me" nonsense.

You broke my string!

I went from less than 10,000 chips to over 100,000 on Full Tilt in less than two weeks. This isn't because of any real poker skill, but more so recognition of the pattern of play. That is, don't play a two table sit and go and expect your first two dozen hands to be a winner. Be patient, eventually the pre-programmed nonsense will burn itself out.

Naturally, my first hand of AQ offsuit would have lost to a pair of kings on the river. Great, I'm in my element - playing short stacked until the crap stops.

I have to confess - boy did I stink up the poker table tonght. I did finish tenth - just shy of making the final table. But I folded soooo many hands I should have called that eventually would have turned out to be winners. Please, make it more bogus so people like me have a better chance next time.

Nmes

OK, I'm registering for my first poker gane. What do I call myself? Fireman? Already taken. Pustule? Already taken.

Well that's weird.....Pustule is already taken.

Maybe....just maybe....my initials will be good. Nope. And it looks like all three letter combinations are taken. Damn.

Lost 400k.

And, I logged into a table with a player with 3 letters in his name.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Could this be a real person?

Let us go to the dumb ass site "Find Player" screen. Wow!!!! He does exist!!!!

But, ehhhhh........he's not currently in the cardroom. Even though he's sitting to my left.

If i didn't know otherwise I might think EJK was created on the fly and that this was rigged.

Hey Absolute dumb asses

There's four reasons I play Omaha Hi Lo on you.

First of all, you don't have a clue how to make it look for real. I continue my search for the table with the biggest stacks and keep at it. I sit for hours at a time, usually folding far more hands than a normal person would. And it usually works. It takes you far more energy to rig the hands than it takes me to fold it. (Repetitive again, yeah I know.) It's not Hold'em, and it's a game they offer that is really just a fat ass chick who the dumb guy wants to sleep with out of desperation type of impress "go all in" mental set. I'm going to kill this guy with my boobs!

Second, Texas Hold'em is still the top game on the site. Hmmmmmm.....what if someone (me) was a geniune Omaha Hi-LO whiz and your cheating AI wasn't prepared for it? Compnesate by rigged AI? You betcha!

Third, OK, stop the chat. Don't use the lame chat as your cover story as an explanation on why there is so much dumb ass raising pre-flop. I'm not stupid.

Fourth - Despite you're obviously bobus attak on me tonight, I still have over 3 million chips.

We are Anonymous.
Expect Us.

Just a wee tad tiresome

Never knowing where to pop in with my cumulative 4 million chips I've been tryin' to spread the fun around as much as possible. After a short hiatus I settled into Absolute tonight. Knowing about the feeder and vacuum AI positions my first table was, as I've been doing, just a shade south of reasonable - too many chips for a 20k max buy in.

Like what also has happened these past few weeks, the guy with the enormous stack leaves almost immediately after I show up. Thanks for the respect, dude. (dud?)

Ergo, a switch to CityPoker since they have not given the indications yet that they recognize what I'm all about. My 240k chip means I can play for hours and just watch what is going on instead of serious play. I didn't have to wait and use my famous patience at all. The very first table had the 4 chip leaders with over 900k. And on this site it's a tenk maximum buy in for Omaha Hi Lo. And my good old buddy KERPOKER is at the table again instead of sleeping. And KER turned into an extreme full tilt feeder. I guess I'd be upset and raise every hand full tilt if I never got the chance to catch a couple of zzzzs.

Again, think about the math. The problem isn't so much that azzwipe has nearly 600k. There are a couple other positions that have pretty big stacks, and the assumption is that Azz and them know what they are doing. Careful, cautious, no when to fold and know when to raise. But there are three or four other positions at the table that just constantly raise, raise, call, call, call and lose massive amounts of chips to the vacuums.

I know you've heard this before, but - if you're that freaking stupid, where did you get the chips to keep rebuying the 10k? Even without beer and playing for 5 hours I doubt I could score almost 600k on this site. Not with the crappy cards and mismatched flops that I get hit with and competent opponents.

It must be AI on a site that is pretending to have real people playing running for days before finally an unlucky real human meets up with their fortress.

Bump of old news

One tries not to be too repetitive, but it's not always possible when the same mistakes are being made over and over again. In the category of "making it look for real" I found this table to be highly suspicious, although it wasn't obviously fraudelent.

I lingered for a little over 50 hands since I was extremely ace deficient during the early part. UB did make it up and I was only minorly ace deficient by the end. What raises an eyebrow is that in more than an hours worth of play there was only four lines of chat posted. Pocket888 (strange name - for Omaha hi-Lo pocket 888 pretty much sucks as a starter hand) scored a jack high straight flush and four nines within a span of five hands. The four lines of chat were Big Bundy congratulating him on the two great hands and Pocket thanking him.
In over an hour that's all the chat? No. "Gotta go - girlfriend is ready to go to the movies?" No, "Hi Hun!" (A personal favorite of mine.) No other posts about bad beats? This in and of itself doesn't prove a thing, but as I will be testing them over the course of the next few weeks it will be fun to see if they overkill and I get to sit at a table where the chit chat is fairly insane, or if it remains a ghost town.

If it's for real there's a happy medium. But kudos to UB tonight....this wasn't too bad.

Let me think about how realistic this is.....hmmm

I don;t need the chips on Absolute. I can fart around pretty much wherever I want. With my huge 3.3 million chip stack I would usually play on big limit all in tables. Since those have been set on "screw real human" mode the past few days, and with UB shutting down the fradulent blackjack, here I am back on Absolute.

Look at that crap. Hand four Chippimp has gone all in for every hand at built up a huge lead. Then irrationally he folds on a ten while the dealer has an upcard that looks like it's busting. And magically the next card makes Lani hit a 21. Overall it helped the table a lot more than it did me.

Dammit, if your gonna play stupid, be consistent and irrationally stupid. If there are supposedly 10kj plus playing on your site, play to win, don't play to make me lose. Because it's pretyy obvious that you're doing the make me lose thing.

It doesn't matter that EBJ is shut down on UB

Because their mother site, Absolute has it.

With the luxury of 3.4 million chips I get to sit in on an obviously rigged table - come on guys, 17 aces in 34 hands of Omaha high low, and I'm not up a massive amount of chips?

Now, the buy in for EBJ (Elimination Blackjack) is the same as on UB. One would tend to think that someone like me wouldn't even waste my time on it. The most I can score is less than 10k. Yet, you continue to prove that it's not random. You really, really, need to rethink this splitting tens thing.

By the book, splitting tens is a chump move that shouldn't work in the long haul, yet every single chance these guys get it's a given. And why it's a given is that it's the same old story of "I don't have to worry about my chip stack because I can instantly refresh it with the magic button." Bet all in every hand, play stupid and have it pay off. Play to make the real human lose instead of playing to win.

The work I'm mostest (yes, it's a real word) proud of is Elimination Blackjack on UB. Rewind a year or so and you can see I caught them in Beta testing where it's totally obvious it's populated by significant amounts of artificial intelligence. Let us rehearse the major sins:

1) Splitting tens almost every single time possible because that's the algorithm.

2) 3 for 3 taking a hit on a hard 19 and getting a 2.

3) The recent post and screenshot of 3 players hitting on a hard 13 when the dealer shows a 6 - and it pays of for every single one of them.

4) Despite the fact that it's a given that the house has an edge, the betting is hugely aggressive and it comes down to not a matter of if you win, but how much you win. And, as in a recent post some chump bets the max 100,000 on every single hand and it pays off, Got the screenshot of his fradulent 1 million chips.
Well, apparently, you overestimated the interest in your rigged blackjack game and utilizing my principles of how to play rigged internet poker I've been extremely successful at Elim Blacjack,

Starting yesterday, it's just not even available. It was a waitlist table game - even if there was no one playing you could join a list and sit and wait for hours until enough seats were filled. Now, it's just a Dead Zone.

The only question - are they re-writing the program or have they given up on it completley.

Cuevas, how do you do it?

Until I learn how to record these games, this is just one of those "take my word for it deals" instead of having hard proof.

Recently CityPoker has come up on my radar screen. Lots of fun irrational pre-flop raising. Lots of re-buys that lose to mo0re irrational raising. I had 9 hands with aces in the first 16. I had seven hands with ace-2 (Omaha hi-Lo) that would not have won if I was stupid enough to stay in on them in the first 26. More than 30 hands had gone by until I finally won a single hand. Naturally, knowing the rigged nature of the game and doing lots of folding instead of playing I managed to finish up for the night.

Early on, Cuevas was one of the worst of my enemies. Unlike my massive number of aces every single ace he caught led to a big bet, and at one point he had over 200k.

Once I finally called an end to the fradulent night - Cuevas, who had left the table - sits in at a a maximum 10,000k buy in table with 130,000.

I've seen this shiznit before on this site, so no big surprise.

This is why I love UB

After nuking the 50k chip stack I settle in to some fun and fradulent blackjack.

So typical and so obvious.

This chump goes all in every single hand and it pays off. Then to top it off, the rookie admin even posts a congrats message.

Like I posted after I left the table I nuked the 50k chip stack on, in the never ending competition of which poker site is the worst, UB is definitely in the lead.