Old Chestnut

The last couple of weeks have been really slow. Translation - I've been kicking ass.

I try not to be too repetitive here, but again, I must point out ANOTHER Full Tilt hand where four players had pocket pairs. Amazingly even the player with 44s was all hot to go all in and lose on the hand. And actually, my pocket twos would have won a bad beat on the river.

So let's explain why I've been doing so well here and now have more than 200000 chips. It's not poker skill, so much as recognizing the pattern. With a measly 18k stack I had latched on to two table sit and go's as my favorite because they almost always had one hand where every active player (except me) went all-in bingo with great cards. Over two dozen tourneys and it happened like 15 times. I'm prepared for it, and smart enough to fold

In addition to the "sweep/killer" hands, the pattern is to have some chump win several of the first few hands and bet it like it's the first time they ever got the chip lead. This player continues to bet, even when they finally start losing. And rarely finishes in the money. But what matters for me is that the game settles down into almost real poker other than the required sweep/killer hand I avoid and I take one of the top four spots. This is strange, because it's not like my statistical database is confined to 3 or 4 tourneys - it's approaching 30. Indicative of AI/preprgrammed hands.

And I have over 300k on UB now. Again, I'm not a poker god and shouldn't gain more than 250k chips in a month except I recognize the weakness in the AI and exploit it.

And yet again I found a table on FT where the max buy in was 20k and someone had more than 500k. Ridiculous. The time and energy required to gain 20000 chips and go all in and lose to a player that can't lose is simply impossible.

FINALLY - THE OLD CHESTNUT

Since the week has been so slow I've been reflecting on my Pokerstars career, Thank you Pokerstars. You cheated me so often you're the site that made me become forensic. I specialize in playing fixed limit games other than Hold'em. And I'm good at them. I can play them all - Razz, Stud Hi-Lo, Omaha Hi-Lo (I actually am a god at this game) whatever.

Pokerfrauds at one time had an option to click on "Raise every bet" and you would sit on a 7 stud game where virtually every position used it. Like a deer in the lights I continued to sit at these tables, fold and watch every player raise....raise ....raise...and be generally uncompetitive and just annoying. Within a month after I found it the auto-raise feature was gone.

So thank you Pokerstars, when I logged in to Absolute for the first time I learned to fold to your rigged AI.

I love Sit and Go on Full Tilt

18 player games. Every one follows the same pattern. Don't worry about winning the first several hands. Watch as some chump gets the chip lead and bets like it's the first time they ever had it. Fold good hands (which I'm an expert at) and watch the AI play. Get to the final table extremely short stacked, play almost real poker for the rest of the event.

Curiosly the chat is almost non-existent. OK, not so curious. AQmusingly one table where I sat for more than hour had one single message by someone that lost on some stupid hand to a hand they should not have been in on. "I hate frogs."

No obvfious French players (indeed that's another problem with the site, other than one sit and go where two Danish people went head to head on the first hand, it's strangely all US players. Even Pokerfrauds did a better job making it look international.)

When the game plays out once when the chip leader bullies and raises every hand it's understandable. When it happens every time for two weeks....nahhh.

Joke names and Ultimate Buddy

Actually, all of the four sites I've been playing on have really calmed down a lot. It's almost like I'm playing against real people.

Except for two problems.

Full Tilt - first of two 18 player 2k buy ins. I have AJ on the first hand, idiot with 35 offsuit goes all in, I'm the only caller. My normal rule is not to play any first hand without pocket KK or AA, but I bit since everyone else folded. Naturally, the table cards were 34467 and I was the first eliminated. Strangely I took first in the next 18 player tourney after a titanic struggle. Did you feel sorry for me? Or was it becuase I din't whine about the bad beat? (I never do, even though I feel the sting.)

UltimateBuddy no longer works for me. Just like find player on Absolute I liked to add the obvious joke names to my buddy list and watch them come up as not a real player. The joke names take two forms. First, there is the vulgar that shouldn't even be allowed, and second there is the obvious parody of my screen name. After not being allowed Vanadium, I struck some fairly random characters of Rtch1 as my handle. Now, the site has both "Richerone" and "Rich1too" as players. And I'm not allowed to used UltimateBuddy to prove they do or don't exist.

Always looking for new inconsistencies

On UB I played a ten table 1000 buy in game. As expected, the only hand I would have won in the first two deals around the table was if I had the stupidity to call 3-6 offsuit against a full table in a tourney with lots of crazy betting.

Guttstwo was in on the majority of the hands at the first table. Typically getting insanely good cards, but had some occassional losers that knocked him back to Earth - until the very next hand made him healthy again.

Now, the screenshot doesn't prove the whole story, so just take my word on the next part. After I finally did win a decent hand and was back in the thick of things we dilly-dallied around for a couple of hands and finally since it was a 100 player game the table I first sat at closed down and I was moved.

To the same table as the annoying Guttstwo.

Look at that dealer button. Why the hell does Gutts get to play (and win) on the hand I'm not allowed to be even in on? Let me guess - because the whole tourney was rigged and AI can play where real humans can't.

Renzo Benzo

Tonight's fun was Omaha Hi-Lo on UB. As always, the table I sit at becomes the most popular game in town. Fun for me is playing Operation Sit and Go and letting the AI play agianst each other. Some rekindled fun is a game I like to call Commando Strike. Something I noticed on Pokerfrauds years ago - you sit in for one to three hands and do pretty well...usually win on the first hand. Commando strike works because the AI fills the table after you join and like you they also win on the first hand.

Tonight I stuck it out longer than normal because of Renzo. For 100+ hands Renzo raised on far more than 50% of them pre-flop. There were some wild swings in the chips he had, but in general it payed off for him. He was at least break even at the time I did finally leave the table. Raising on every hand is not a winning proposition, so I sat back and watched the bad movie unfold.

Not only did I get the joy of folding hands that would not have won, the friendly message about folding being stupid was posted. "Ohhhh...it's only free money chips!" "Why aren't you calling every hand when we raise, raise, raise, raise and play our bingo game?"

Because I gained 3000 chips instead of losing it all you frigging moron.

Yep, I'm a tosser. And unlike Renzo with his rigged to win cards I'm a survivor. I was praying his stupid play would reduce the chip stack to zero, but the cards he got were far to statisically unreasonable for that to happen.

Hmmmmm

I wrapped up a fairly successful week on NLOP by taking first in a tournament early this morning. For the second week in a row - the link to play in it is nor available. Very strange. Not like I want to waste my timed with it anyway. I'll be asleep long before it would be over with.

The real news is the tournament before the one that I took first. Someone that folds more than me was not in a blind when I got pocket aces and suddenly Q-4 offsuit struck his fancy and called my all-in, naturally drawing two pair Qs and 4s.

I think I've finally put my finger on what's wrong with thecurrent pattern at NLOP. I've often stated that winning the first hand and coasting to an easy victory there isn't an option. In the last two weeks I've had bunches of hands that would have won on the river - only if I played silly nonsense like 5-3 and made it through heavy betting. And that's a feature of Full Tilt, too. It's like they're training you to play badly so that when you whine on the real money tables they can point out what a poor player you are as their defense.

However, my problem with the play on NLOP is that in dozens of tournaments over the last two weeks someone wins 2 or 3 out of the first 3 or 4 hands and then they play like they never had the chip lead before and bet or raise on virtually every single hand. Before they get eliminated and finish out of the prize pool. Silly when it happens once or twice. When it happens twenty times in two weeks there's a real problem with believability.

The never ending competition - which is the worst

Well, all online poker sites are bogus. It's a given. Now it's a matter of just figuring out which is the worst.

Tonight I describe the Tuneweaver Incident that catapults Absolute back into the lead over Ultimatebet.net.

Omaha Hi-Lo on Absoltute gets a 20k buy in where everyone is carefree about the chips and there is constant raising. Since the cards are rigged to make a real human lose it's a pointless endeavor. They call it "bingo" - a stupid excuse to constantly raise.

I sat at a table with Tuneweaver, folded lots of hands that wouldn't have won, and took notice how the dealer constantly kissed his ass. Then the insane chat started, I've got my studio...blah...blah.... The hot chick chats about his play being pressing like normal....blah...blah...blah....

So I disappear for 10 minutes, log back in and accidentally sit at the same table. I switch and sit at another table and lo and behold Tuneweaver is playing there. Still getting great cards, I'm still getting crap cards. He has the luxury of playing two tables, carrying on an a continued chat on one table and can play a second table and still post an "NH" on that one. Can you say "Admin with the cards set to cheat?"

So typical

There's a reason I play limit games most of the time instead of all-in possible games. You almost always get to see the showdown and see what ridiculous crap people play on. And you get to see many, many hands. If you indulge yourself for 25 hands a night and get the joy of buying into the bs and calling, or heaven forbid, raising, your chip stack will be gone in no time.

I offer these stats from tonight:

Hands were cranking out between 60 and 80 an hour, I'll use 70.
I played for almost two hours, lets call that 135 hands played.
Omaha Hi Low - if on a full table you should win once every 13.5 hands.
Adjust for low hand winning once every other hand, you should win chips once every 20 hands.
Under normal conditions - 10 player game win chips once every twenty hands.

I won seven. I won a total of eleven, folded two that would have been winners, but I backed out the 3 player tables, and the would have been winners since no sane player would have stayed in on the hand.

The real miracle is that I only lost like 3,000 chips in the process.

Over the short term if you constantly get bad cards, flops, and opponent raises this is not a surprise. But when you constantly play 100s of hands a week and see this....thank God the billfold is still in the back pocket.

Ooops, again

Before going into fully annoying mode I decided to give UB one last chance for credibility. And they blew it big time.

First off, before my first hand a player magically sat to my left right as the previous hand was being tallied, just in time to join in. As always, the tables instantly fill when I sit in a ghost town.

Second off, I flopped a winner and won big. No complaints for that, except that new players to a table always seem to win the first few hands.

Thirdly, remember...the reason I play limit games is that I get to see the showdown. I get to see the crap that people play and amusingly raise on. It's often just random "ooh the pot's too small...it needs to be bigger." They lose and disappear. Although at my 20k buy in table it amuses me that they ever garnered enough chips to play at this level.

Fourth - I saw it. The outright rule breaks that make it so obvious.

When you play on UB, if you are first up you can't make a poker move until the last card is dealt. On one hand, not only did the first player instantaneously call, but the second instantaneously raised.

Fifth - geez you really don't like to deal me aces. Three on one hand in OHL doesn't count - that sucks.

Sixth - saw someone about to sit out the next hand listed as "All in" on a limit game when they had way too many chips to be betting more than the limit.

Then, as I burned off all the AI folding hands that wouldn't have won and essentially breaking even after a long one hour session the players getting all the great cards sat out within minutes of each other. I was the last player sitting at the table when within 15 minutes everyone (who previously decided they really needed to play at this table) got up and left since I wasn't losing my chips fast enough.