Folding

You buttheads have no idea what your up against, do you?

Before playing for real money, which I will never do, check out the free tables. And don't play for real. Sit back and watch. Save yoursekf some bucks.

My new target site - Absolutely awful Poker. Or Absolute Poker as it is more commonly known as. One lame Texas Holdem tourney under my built I decided ti try a 7 card stud game.

Absolutely unbelievable. Finally for playing for like 8 hours total I fisrt saw some chat. Some chat at eight pm at night. And it was totally insane. "You are so lame and weak" "You are a weak sissy player." "Only a lame player stalls out on a free money game." I never responded or posted. And the annoying player never addressed that I had folded virtually every hand.

When it got to a 4 player game without the annoying player i got a friendly message from the top stack = don't bet. I evnutally lost to him. After an insane 2 hour bogus bs game, where the AI was gone after I folded a ridiclous number of times.

How many peeps are wiling to invest two hours on foling at poker? Not too many. But if I can train just one person to not buy in to the bullshit my life will be complete.

Absolute Poker. My new target site. I shouldn't have even wasted my time on it.

If you're playing poker online and testing whether you want to put real money on it, you need to visit this site play 200 hands and save your money. Absolutely frigging ridiculous. The game play is terrifingly fast.

And I won. It's not that I'm whining about going all in with pocket aces and got beat on the river. I folded something like 30 hands in a stud hi-lo tourney and watched the bad AI raise, raise, raise.

A less patient person would never had made as far as I did. My only regret is that I posted one message on the game not being for real.

Old MacDonald had a farm, AI AI O.

Hilarious

Absolute Poker -

Absolutely awful poker.

To make sure I wasn't dreaming I played for a bit tmore. Unless you can call folding every hand a bit more. I even took third place and won chips by folding every hand on a tourney.

Usually it takes me two weeks to bust a site. This one had it all within hours, probably because of my unusual 3am log in. After playing for three hours there was some idle lame chat - game admins must have woken up. But as always they didn't expect to have to deal with a person that is willing to fold a good hand and lose on the turn or river.

I should have been in the FREE TRIAL PERIOD where success is a given. Instead I was up against ridiculous AI.

Boy that was quick

NLOP attracted me at first because the speed of play seemed realistic. Unlike Pokerstars where you would get into a table where "people" where betting wild amounts of chips in a fraction of a second. Towards the end of my NLOP life (I'm not logging in there ever again) I noticed that people were taking time and thinking....after the three people in front of them took time thinking and folded.

With 45 seconds ahead of you, you should have pretty much made up your mind if you were going to call or not. But, AI is only AI. You can't make it play like a real human. You can only try to give the illusion that it's a human.

Site #7 to bust is Absolute Poker. The early results are in on the vote - busted after 15 minutes.

I got on to a pot limit Omaha Hi Lo table and more than doubled my free money in the first few minutes. I'm a great Omaha Hi Lo player with thousands of hands of experience. In 20 hands I actively played in three. And I didn't fold any that would have been a winner. (I think, more on that in a bit.) On the average Omaha Hi Lo produces 1.5 winners a hand. There's not always a low hand to split the pot. I should have been in on a lot more than three hands. Except the betting was totally out of control. Raise on crap. Re-raise on crap. Raise. Raise. Raise. All luck no skill.

And the play is lightning quick. Totally unlike NLOP and faster and worse than Pokerfrauds.com. That's why I think I didn't fold any hands that would have been a winner. I'm not sure since you don't have a chance to breathe between hands. Absoultely awful.

I think it's normal for a person to check out a site and play for free before deciding if they want to put real money into it. It's not typical for a fairly rational Eastern US person to get up at 3 in the morning and start playing poker. Which is why I get up at 3 in the morning - to catch the site on AI play that is allegedly real people. It would be refreshing for a change to have a site claim that you can play for free against our computers.

And the bonus - lol. Deposit up to $500 and they'll match it 100%. Yeah, right. You're going to give me $500 that I expect to keep. Not with that 20 hands of Omaha as you're lame advertisement.

Time to lay this lame site to rest and move on to busting site #7

First tourney of they night A8 on the first hand. I folded. I would have caugt trips on the turn. And I would have lost on a straight on the river. Pretty typical. Then with the holce cards being set in crappy mode I got the joy of folding until I was so impossibly short stacked I couldn't win.

No big deal, it could happen in one tourney.

Then the hole cards were stuck on crappy mode for tourney # 2 minus a big win with a blind bet call on hand I would have folded if I wasn't big blind. Thereafter - crap.

Tourney #3 was promising. I was in third with four people left - nice chip stack. I flop trip queens with my pocket queens. Another player with nothing to lose on position by folding calls on a flush draw. If I win he's virtually eliminated.

OK, that can happen, too in real poker. But I'm in observational mode - not real poker mode.

1) I never win on bad beats anymore - only lose on them.

2) The player in the lower left has been the one getting the great cards all night. This player has their hole cards in "great mode".

3) All the chat continues to focus on positions other than mine. I don't chat, but every single hand I've won tonight didn't get the obligatory "nh".

4) Except for a brief break in tourney #2 no more annoying players that call all-in every hand. Like I said about Microsoft Hearts - they'tre not trying to win - they're trying to make me lose. So my swan song will be to be as abusive and ridiculous as possible in the next two weeks. Then I will move on to getting cheated at another site.

Let me train you some more

Weeks or months ago I identified a pattern that occurred far too often. THE PLAYER THAT COULDN'T LOSE would get a big chip lead and bet aggressively for the rest of the game. I learned not to play and fold myself into third or second. Now I think after so many more tourneys I've identified the new pattern.

But as a prelude, another observation. Hole cards seem to be set to three modes. Crappy, normal and fantastic. You can play 100 hands a night and experience the same kind of hole cards over 3 or four tourneys. In ordinary life after one tourney of getting crappy hole cards you would think the next might be normal. Instead the past two weeks I'm constantly fed 7-4, 10-2, etc... Just like the previous tourney. And a third tourney. And maybe a fourth.

Setting the hole cards to crappy is the easiest - one deal around the table and you are so short stacked that it's climbing a mountain to place in the money. Setting the hole cards to fantastic is the most nefarious, and the most bogus. You are constantly thinking of betting insteaqd of checking, even going all-in and losing on the river.

The new pattern, after several more weeks of play - THE PLAYER THAT CAN'T LOSE wins two or three of the first couple of hands. The real players cards are set to crappy or normal mode. Then, PLAYER THAT CAN'T LOSE cards switch to normal. With a big chip lead they constantly call and raise and lose since THE PLAYER THAT CAN'T LOSE position has switched to one of the other AI positions, making them a pot feeding whore.

During the past two weeks I've played at least three tourneys a night and I've seen this pattern on virtuall every tourney. Bogus for two reasons. First, the AI now transfers chips between each other, including calls by the chip leader on stupid hands. Second, the play is so completely different from months ago. All of a sudden the supposedly real players are now playing smarter poker than they used to. I rarely see an all in on the first hand now, when back a couple of months ago I enjoyed how it cleaned up the table, let me know who's bet I shouldn't call.

And in these last two weeks I've still seen lots of friendly "good hand" and "thank you" messages between players. Except for when I win one it goes unacknowledged.

So, morons, in my last game tonight, please just acknowledge my existence.

Still not buying it, guys

And I really hate training these buttheads on what they're doing wrong.
4 tourneys and hundreds of hands played. Over the first three I won a few.

Nobody gave me the standard "nh" acknowledgement on a victory. I killed in tourney number four an finished first. And sitill never had the standard "nh" show up. Lots of other" nhs" showed up for other big wins for other players. I had to fold like crazy, win a big hand with Q-10 suited that I magically caught a straight on the river to eventually fold like crazy some more, wait out the AI.

Two out of four games with for all practical purposues no idle chit chat.

So, you, dear player - don't just pay attention to the hands. Look at the cards you are getting, don't automatically go all in on the first good hand you have. Amd pay attention to the chit chat. It''s mot always for real. It's a distraction from the game. And just like those bogus fishing messages you recieve that your bank want you to give them your ss# remember it's all a a scam.

Posted this after kicking ass. And being fed.

Caught you again

With the whole statistical reasonableness(is that a word?) thing.

45 hands over two tourneys without an Ace. You should get an Ace once every 6.5 hands. The first ten hands - One Queen, highest card. Paired with an offsuit 2 and totally uncallable with the table full.

And over that same period I had a pocket pair of threes and no other pockets. That should happen about once every thirteen hands.

Over a short term this may not be so bad, but when I play thousands of hands a week and constantly see this it gets a little bit

bogus.

I noticed two more things. I win on the big blind far more than I should. I'm forced to play instead of going into my ultra-conservative fold mold. And the first tourney had lots of idle chit chat and looked pre-programmed. The second - 30 hands+ not a peep from anyone. The sense I get is this was a training game against playing against bad AI. Finished third.
The friendly, chatty gal to my left in the first tourney constantly had AQ, K9, A6 suited, etc... - she showed her cards.

Nice that things are back to normal

That is, getting screwed over.

I'm always suspicious when I join a tourney and I'm the last player to join and there's the 50 second break before the game starts. It just reeks of pre-programmed play. Not just one, or two, but all three of my first hands were good enough for a call, and a riase after the flop. Flopped a n 888KK flush on the first hand with suited K8 of hearts.

Except that I had folded it. No big deal since the turn and river were queens and it would have lost to a higher full house.

The next two hands proceeded in a similar fashion. Except that I folded I would have flopped trip 9s, and lost to a straight on the river. 2 pair Ks and 10s on the next flop. The 10s were up on the board, and my, what a surprise. The player that became THE PLAYER THAT CAN"T LOSE had a 10.

The same way I don't watch wrestling since the outcome is predetermined I refused to play this game seriously. I did end up winning one hand as big blind and managed to fold my way into third place. What a start for the week.

And all of a sudden...

I'm back in the top 500.

The free 500 points for answering the question of the day turned out to be 5,000 points, instead. And the lame tourney I just played was "outlast the bad AI, lose to the bored game admin" for another 1,000.

I'm not betting on this bad pony. It's going to come up with a lame leg sooner or later. There's no way I should have turned around from being in place 4600 to 491 in three days. Unless I'm being fed.

And when it comes time to decide on whether to play the weekly tourney that now I will surely qualify for I will remember this. And when it comes time to decide on playing for real money and knowing that the cards can be so juiced I will remember this. The juice can be turned off anytime.

Or maybe I'm just a poker god after all.

I almost instantly got my answer

I'm Fahhq2 in the hand below, after two friendly messgaes suggesting I go all in, I did. And with a bad beat on the river I was the instant chip leader. Almost no chat for the entire game. The translation of the message from the only person that would talk is, "Have fun playing against the AI." And it was extremely aggressive AI. Which translates to me folding a lot.

That was until it became a one on one game. Then, after a titanic struggle I finally came out on top.














Two problems with this. I got ANOTHER pair of queens. 4 pocket queens in less than 100 hands. Yeah, right.

And I have no illusions about my talent level, there's no way I should finish first twice in a row unless I'm being fed. A first and a third, yeah maybe. On my best nights I play four tourneys for real and I never have two firsts.

As always I plan to qualify for the weekly tourney and not play in it since the cards are rigged.

Now I'm really confused

I really shouldn't be training these guys more on what they are doing wrong. But like a deer in the headlights I just headed for a quick poker fix.

Mired in a week long drought of half decent cards and watching other players(a generalization, not playing against specific previous opponents) completely differently than the months before I decided to catch more flops than normal. I don't remember the last time I got such great cards.

It was still a struggle up to a point. I had a bad run when there were four players left. And I folded several hands to take time out to feed the mutt. When I got back to playing with three left and folding the first hand after that the ridiculously good run of cards continued. And I think the player that finished third is a traditional powerhouse on this site.

First place!!! Yeah!!! No, wait a second.

As commonly happens my early wins were not acknowledged with the common "nh" from opponents. And When other players won the "nh"s were flying around like crazy. And no one called me by my screen name at all. Any comments on my success were very generic.

It seemed like what they call in the Dungeons and Dragons world a "Monty Haul" game. Destined to win. But if it's not my effort and talents it has no value and is just as bad as losing.

More thoughts about why they would do that started spinning. Hmmm, two nights ago I changed my screen name for the first time. Just possibly, I have landed in a second FREE TRIAL PERIOD. This could be the case. The surveys for the free points have been very personal and financially oriented all week. Other than the name change with me answering that I have sound finances this could be another attempt to get me to break out the wallet. On the I'm paranoid front, the name change shouldn't have done a thing. Any pre-programmed play could easily tie into my log in information and what screen name I have means diddly.

Stepping back and thinking more about the events I return to my old friend, the math. The number of pocket pairs I got was insane. The lowest was 77. QQ three times. throw in a 99 and a 10-10 and I think another low one I don't remember. The three QQs are a statisical anomally of their own. All this in less than forty hands.

Throw in my bad beating player that finished third where my suited J5 called pocket sevens and won by flopping a jack - on the traditonal site powerhouse. Ordinarily one would think he was a little more cautious.

The jury is still out on this one on reality. I'm leaning towards being fed, and wondering what the next two tourneys I plan to play tonight before calling it quits for the day have in store.

And as for ANNOYING THE GAME ADMINS, if anyone pays attention to my screen name it's kind of vulgar if you sound it out. Nothing has become of that, yet.

Jeez I'm doing bad

Usually I get a small thrill from winning some points/chips. Playing slow, beating some over-aggressive guy on a big hand. Lately things have been phenomally bad. I did OK on Monday, but Sunday, Tuesday and Wednesday were a complete waste of time.

And I love it.

It's not from lack of poker skills. It's from the hugely rigged hands.

The stastically impossile - I had 4 hands out of thirty that I would have considered calling tonight. None of them would have been winners, and knowing it's rigged I folded all of them. One of them would have been a splitter, but in a four player game with three short stacked and a huge chip leader who bet big I couldn't afford to call. And of the hands I shouldn't call when the showdown cards were displayed - universally non-winners.

Bad beats - On the game mentioned above I went all in with pocket jacks against a similarly short stacked player. He called with 10-8 offsuit and flopped two pair.

Annoying the game admins - Folded a pair of kings that would have elimanted me to a bad beat if I raised or called after suffering through some more statiscally abnormal hands. I'm sure that they would have loved to have me gone like my pocket jacks that lost. I also signed up for a game and logged out. I hope you are wasting energy on that.

Back a bit I identified that the players were constantly going all in pre-flop on the first hand. I would just sit in the sidelines and pick up the pieces afterwards. Now, for more than a week NOBODY goes all-in pre-flop. Each game on its own, this is not abnormal. But when it happens in 15 consecutive after the prior pattern you have to consider that something funny is going on.

Definitely the two games tonight and most of the recent ones have shown the AI to trade chips between each other, and play like Microsoft Hearts - not playing to win but make me play to lose. In the old days weeks ago the chip leader was an unstobbale machine. Often now he's just a pot feeding whore.

Yep, right - caught you again

The big thing on NLOP is a weekly tourney to play for the big prize. In the first month even someone within nominal poker skills could qualify. Then I caught them. Mostly by playing at odd hours for someone having a day job. Then, to qualify for the weekly tourney I had to play bad poker - folding pocket kings and such.

The last week, I told myself I wasn't even going to play. Too much stress and frustration. And forensically investigating the game wasn't working out at all. I was folding lots of hands I should have called expecting bad beats. And I was folding winners.

This does not fit into my normal pattern of playing bad poker to win. The bad beats have been turned off. Then the light bulb came on. They are using me to test the new AI. Someone that knows how to play poker for real training them on what the AI needs to do. For two months I folded like crazy and looked atlots of big bets and the AI beat themselves to death - skip in under the radar and score an easy third. Get some points and qualify for the weekly tourney.

In my frustration I realized wasn't having any success in my annoying the game admins mode. They knew it wasn't real, I knew it wasn't real, they knew I knew it wasn't real. Blew off a ton of pre programmed games ( as determined by the ridiculous chat) I'm getting bored and ready to move on to busting a new site.

But I told myself, one last try at annoying the game admins that worked once before. I qualified for the weekly tourney that can't possibly be won. Register - and don't play. Then, I wanted to play other tourneys and couldn't since you can only play one at a time. But I can't. I had to nuke the tourney by calling all in with 4-2 offsuit - got back to semi real poker and had two second place finishes.

The point about the caught ya -

If you post and fold for 15 turns you are gone. I posted and folded for a helluva lot more than that, and I still had to actively bail out to play some fairly ridiculous poker that I needed to fold like crazy and be extremely short stacked to win at.

From the ridiculous to the downright nefarious.

On NLOP you get points for free, just for logging in, taking a lame survey and answering a bogus question. The lame survey is usually something ultra-lame like what you know about current pop music, who won the WSOP in 2004, what electronics you own, etc....

The past two nights its been very personal financial and demographics info. How old are you? How much money do you make a year? Do you own a house? Do you have a retirement plan?

Do you have bad poker skills and can I cheat you out of money?

I've already been flagged as someone that won't put real money on this crap. Today they thought they won with EXTREME pauses. The lame excuse was that the server was down, and all the players had a problem gettting connected. Not me. I was connected and multi-tasking watching a movie. And since I already figured out the scam, more than willing to fold instead of playing real poker.

The extreme pauses started a couple of nights ago. Being observant I noticed that it was game admin pause to set the next hands - usually give player good cards, watch him go all in and lose. This week it has been watch the real player get bored and call on marginal hands. Then make the rest of the game play out from there, which includes me folding hands that should have been called.

There still courting players in the Free Trial Period. They know that the AI isn't good enough to rope them in. Playing against a real human is much more exciting. So, I'm being used to play for real, which I don't because I play bad poker to win. And they're using me to test out the newest versions of the AI. So I still occassionally have some success. Keep me logged on to play and see what is going on.

I loved NLOP for the first three weeks or so. I finished in the top three and got points 3 out of every four games. Playing real poker. But now the free trial period is over and I'm stuck folding like crazy just to have a chance. Forget about calling any of the first three hands. Learm to play short stacked.

And them ther's the possibiliy of hacking to worry about. Which may also be the reason for the extreme pauses. I am so sick of running my registry editor to clean up my pc that almost always seems to pop up from playing poker. And the worst attack I ever suffered came from playing a lot on Pokerfrauds.com. My PC was so messed up it took me two days to fix it. These sites are outside the US. They have no laws that stop you from screwing with someone else's computer.

Boy they really had it going tonight.

As with another tourney a couple of nights ago I had to post small blind twice in a row. Sometimes this might be legit, but in my game it wasn't.

A new first accomplished tonight. Twice before I've folded every single bet and fnot called any bets and finished in the top three for some points. I just finished second. Which included another one of my initial topics - annoying the game admins.

By hand three or four one player had 80% of the chips. The player that can't lose. K9 of hearts suited for me on the next hand - 4 players left. I naturally raised....no wait, I folded a K( suited with four players left? You betcha. The player that can't lose ends up winning with a two king flop and having the other king and a KKKQQ fullhouse. Down to three. I fold forever - thrid place finisher finally calls and loses to the player that can't lose. Now I have like 350 chips versus 4650.

Well, if I'm going to make this miraculous comeback it's going to take the rest of the night. For points I don't need since I'm still going to qualify for the big weekly game. So, I fold, even when a check gets me to see the next cards for free.

I love doing stuff like that. You don't want to play real poker and you want to cheat me - fine by me. I don't have to play real poker and can fold regardless of the consequences. I got some really great cards, including pocket queens that I just ditched. Second place without any betting.

Two other strange things I've noticed on the current site. Raise are normally multiples of $10. You have to type in an odd number to make it be something, well, odd. Lately there's been lots of bets with odd dollars like $322, and such. So far the table cards on those seem to be normal. I think this is human collusion. You and three or four friends get together, and like a bad Bridge game you signal your buddies when it's time to send your chips their way. Doesn't always work since sometimes QQ loses to 23 offsuit, but if it's still one of your buds you can keep trading chips to give someone an edge.

LOOONGGG pauses. In two varieties. A player will time out within the 15 seconds limit. The action goes around the board until another players turn comes up. And he thinks for ten seconds before calling, raising or folding. Okay, two choices - you are multi-tasking andf waiting for the "signal" that it's your turn. Or you're not for real and giving the impression that you are playing for real. Which means you're AI, or at least used to be. The second variety is the unexplained delay while waiting for play to resume when normally it takes a few secs. If I play a statiscally unreasonable rash of bad beats follows.

Sometimes I wonder if these guys are on to me and use me for info on rewriting the AI programming - which YES does exist. The thoughts that I'm a poker god are not possibly for real. I keep winning by playing bad poker.

What a magic and glorious weekend.

Not because of winning, but from losing. Since I tend to notice things out of the ordinary, I get my trusty pad of paper and pen ready and mark down some numbers.

Years ago I noticed an ace drought. The pad and paper logged in 23 hands before I got an Ace. Recently I noticed getting a ridiclous number of pocket kings - that kept losing to bad beats. I thought, hum...wouldn't it be amusing to take the stats on hands played and what pocket pairs I caught.

The results were astounding. 400+ hands - 3s, 4s, 6s, 7s three times, 8s, 10s and queeens.

9 pocket pairs in 400+ hands? You HAVE to be kidding. And to top it all off they were almost universally losers. Just like 6 pairs of pocket kings within two nights. Listen guys, I'm not going to click on "offers" to get more points, I'm not going to break out the credit card and play for real money when it's obviously rigged. Keep my hole cards mode on statiscally crappy. And pray I don't get you in a brick and mortar casino and gut you like the fish you are.

Statiscally unreasonable

I got pocket kings 3 or 4 more times tonight. One of them won.

These sites love kings. So easy to bad beat with the Magic river card without a staright or flush draw.

Within the past four days I think I've had pocket kings something like 7 times. I think two of them won. Regardless of the outcome of the hands I got screwed over on, do the math - in addition to 7 kings in a row on Pokerfrauds this is getting a little insane.

A very valid point was placed to me by a friend. If you're just playing for free, why would they cheat you?

Advertising. And roping in chumps. And teaching bad poker.

And that brings up the Free Trial Period. On five of six sites I've done very well - within the first two to three weeks. (The sixth was so obviously bad that I had to bail right away.) Then, it's become obvious I''m not ready to break out the crdeit card and play for real money.

Picture for a second I'm right even if you don't agree. Wouldn't it be a good scam to take all of someone's money instead of a rake on each pot? And what if you had a site that couldn't be policed or investigated because it's offshore? You can make the cards be what you want them to be. You can make the MAGIC RIVER CARD happen anytime you want.

It's great advertising to let the human player win, get all happy and post how wonderful things are. During the free trial period you get to think, "My Gosh, I rule at poker!!" When you call all in with a flush draw and score at the river - you are being targeted to be roped in with bad poker play. Then they can always say, geez-your so bad, as an out when you play later. Teaching bad poker. Throwing your chips into the middle when you should fold.

Struggled mightly for a week by playing bad and irrational poker to qualify for the big weekly game. As a gesture of defiance, I logged in 10 minutes before the big weekly game, then logged out and took the dog for a walk.

I have no need to play in your silly, pre-programmed and impossible to win tournament.

The next day I tried a game other than the basic one table game and was greeted with the table to the left. After folding a pair of nines due to timing out because I was booted I called all in on the second hand with a pair of queens. Naturally, I lost to the upper left players ridiculous all in 89 off suit bad beat full house.

Blow up the image and look at the dialogue box on the bottom. "fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu"

Aw, did I spoil your fun on the big weekly tourney by not playing versus the pre-programmed play? You wanted to bad beat me so much for your pride that you wanted to insult me?

I win. I'm annoying them.

And I annoyed them tonight with a third place positive cash flow win - WITHOUT CALLING A SINGLE RAISE. Including getting an ace on five consecutive hands, four of which where suited.

I'm going to say it. Pokerstars.

Pokerstars. Said it again. Absolutely ridiculous site. The site that first trained me on how unreal online poker is. For months I played in their big money game with 5000 players. And for months, heck years, I watched my table playing soooo slowly and dozens of other tables with players scooting off to big chip stacks.

I don't care if Chris Moneymaker landed a WSOP seat and won the big one playing here. It is soooo obviously not for real. If you decide to get in the big money game, do what I did. Don't play. Observe other tables. Watch the lightning speed, the world class secretary chit chat, call all in on a pair of kings and lose.

I did that tonight. Pocket kings lost twice to bad beats in the same game. Even after I folded K9 of hearts with a three heart flush that would have lost to Ace high heart flush. Playing, sane and rational poker I would have called and lost it. I didn't, so then the kings came up.

I went all in and lost, the next tourney also had me with a pair of kings. Total separation from the last tow tourneys two kings was less than ten hands. Yeah, right.

Had to go all in because I was just dumbfounded that again I've caught pocket kings, again. And didn't care if I lost. Go ahead and cheat me. Well, this time they didn't. And I went on to take first.

The problem is the Kings. Poker sites love giving kings. When you want to bad beat a good player with bogus hands, give'em kings. One Ace is all it takes to kill them.

The internet speak on online poker really disturbs me. Universally it defends that it's for real.
No frigging way. Why should they play for real rake in the normal casino chips when they can push the magic button and take all your money?

Any success I've had at online poker hasn't been playing from real poker, but from understanding what I'm up against. Tonight I had several examples.

Playing poker online is like playing Microsoft Hearts - the worst cheating card game ever made. In MS Hearts, the computer players are not trying to win, they are trying to make you lose. I have a registry edit cheat that I can see everyone's cards. The obvious one is how the puter players will save high hearts to attempt you from shooting the moon. It also looks like they save hearts to dump on you instead of the other puter players.

Online poker tourneys aren't about playing to win. There about survival agaisnt the others making you play to lose. Five10 player tournaments so far. (Actually managed to finish second in one.) Every single one to survive I've had to fold like crazy until after 10 hands or so. I'm good playing short stacked, but I'm sick of the pre-programmed game play that makes me short stacked all the time.

How do I know it's pre-programmed? Example: Last tourney's chip leader was Unclesam. Someone posted the message., "This game is like real life". And a fraction of a second later, "Unclesam has all the money." Damn, you're a world class secretary! What are you doing wasting your time playing poker? Or, has this set of hands already been determined. Yep.

So, if I'm willing to be bored silly folding like crazy and being short stacked I still have a chance. Since the average player has the patience of a two year old I can fold my way into third place and some points. Then, the AI invariably gets the magic river card. Actually the site I'm playing on now does it more on the turn than the river.