Busted

I'm not proud of this. I tried to hide it, but starting with the Mitchell report, I have been under investigation for the past several years.

Ever since discovering internet poker is a fraud, I've been taking PEA. Performance Enhancing Alcohol. Sadly, after taking PEAs, I usually have to take a lot of PEEs.

I first got hooked up with PEA after a party where I first met Roger Clemens personal trainer. Roger was playing a lot of Omaha Hi-Lo on the internet, and he noticed that there is a ridiculous amount of raising. After Roger's trainer injected PEA Malt Liquor into my ass, I noticed a remarkable change in my chip stack. Suddenly, I no longer cared about the raising and I started winning massive amounts of chips by going all in every hand.

The effects on my body, however, have been dire. I found myself lusting after Madonna. Then, after another PEA party, I found myself playing all in Omaha Hi-Lo every waking moment of my life.

I'm not proud of what I've done. I am ashamed. Ultrahot Supermodel Jarah Mariano, my girlfriend, expressed her concerns about my PEA. I told her that I'd be off the PEA soon. Please, please, oh please just let me get my fix...OK babe? I can change.

All I need is one week of playing against something other than artificial intelligence and I will be your bitch forever.

Mitchell called me last night. No dice. I'm screwed.

So, now I have to try to avoid internet poker until the PEAs are out of my system. And I have to do community work. No more PEA. PEE is OK before my bladder explodes, but according to Clemens trainer and Arod this will disappear after I finally give up on internet poker.

So now, as part of my arraignment I have to give up this blog and do community service. I do have a little bit of a time window, so I'm gonna make the first Biglaydown joke name contest.

I've had my own set of names, and I've heard some others.

JokerStars
Absolutely Awful
Ultimatecheat

Post your poker site joke name here, and if it's within the time before my community service starts there are prizes for the best.

3rd prize is a one year membership to this blog with no renewal of membership fees.
2nd prize is a "Biglaydown" tshirt, currently only available in large and extra large.
1st prize is an autographed 8 x 10 glossy of Jarah.

Dear Jarah:
You are so smoking hot. I can't belive what we had and I think about you all the time. Thanks for the photo.