Subtle, but it does help to prove my point

I am unhappy about the 12000 free money chips I lost. What compounds the unhappiness is that it was obvious it was versus a computer program instead of real people. Like I've said before, it's a database being administered, not an interface for real people to hook up and play a fun game of poker.

Hi ya'll! I'm plyrtammy! I wanted to register as just plyrtammy, but that was already taken, so I have to be plyrtammy950! And becuase I'm so pissed about that, I'm going to use CAPS LOCK to tell you where I'm from!

I'm tammy FROM PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND! I registered on Pokerstars with my name without caps so I could make it a point I'M FROM PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND.

Yes, I am a real human being. I just had a really bad day and chose to resgister with my name in lower case, BUT I'M FROM PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND! I might be bait for rigged positions, but I'M FROM PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND!

Bomus pic of Jarah, just for the lolz.

I promise I won't talk about Jarah.

DAMN! I already did!

OK, Pokerfrauds, how are you going to explain this one away? Massive multi-table game with the usual slow play on my table and I'm looking at stacks 5 times my size before the third hand is over on my table. Since it's a freeroll I don't have any worries except that i could be busting on another site.

Since this was fixed limit, naturally there was a lot of raising, since I'm not into that I folded a lot. And I expressed my disgust by timing out (sort of) a lot.

But, my timeouts never broke the bank. Something like 5 in a row and 9 out of ten. And my hand was folded instead of me enjoying the clock ticking into admin waiting for me. After ages I finally get a decent hand and...

Admin uses the time bank and huge court advantage.

Jarah Mariano hated this poker table

At least that's what my spies told me. Why did she hate it? Massive muti-table game with a bunch of sitters. Naturally she and I both were screwed. It's really pretty pointless to play these tourneys. Invariably you have stupidly bad cards on the first few hands and you're already short stacked vs. the chip leaders, usually before the first hand is ever dealt.

If it wasn't for my infatuation with Jarah and her continued support I'd probably just give up on internet poker.

OK, who am I kidding.

The hottest woman on the planet and myself have never had any contact other than my Google seraches. And internet poker is still wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

rigged.

Jarah - please remember that I'm all about the bad poker.

Careful now, make sure you know the rules. Jarah Mariano is watching

When I'm not in the mood to mess with an obviously unreasonable table I have a couple of favorite games. Fortunately, these often turn into unreasonable tables.

I feed off the weird games, and I've probably only played about 15% of my tables on Hold'em.

The game of the day is 2-7 5 card single draw. For the previous two days I couldn't buy a winner if my life depended on it. Tonight, I couldn't buy a loser if my life depended on it. And it's pretty much all a matter of understanding the program. Scored 40k.

Yes, program. Not real people. I'm conservative, but I mix it up a bit. You can play an entire sit and go for two hours and predict the reactions of your opponents. Normally it's a lot of abusive "we don't want you seeing this bogus stuff, I'm going to raise like crazy" nonsense.

I'm willing to concede that fish's all in was a bluff. Thiis was a 2k sit and go. After dispensing of the opposition in near record time I set my sights on a 10k buy in game.

Now here's the problem with cal, and all the internet poker world mentality of "Oh, it's just free chips." You just decided to on a 10k table. Allegedly, since you don't have the starter 1k chips there must be some skill. And you raised every single hand. And drew cards, never having a pat hand. And when my, "I can't buy a losing hand" settings beat you, you nuked it and got out of the game.

The game that I still had to play real poker (despite getting great hands) to finish it off. An eight person game. Why? Why are you there? If you want to play bingo and/or raide on crap poker why are you there? There are thousands of bingo games on the net. Just play Omaha Hi-Lo. Don't magically appear on my sit and go on a weird game that you suddenly got a thirst for.

But the real jewel is Pedro. This is the same 10k buy in game, I have a killer and go all in with a sizable stack. And you call me! With an ace? In a lowball game where ace is only high? Are you on crack, stupid, or AI?

I admit I do have an unfair advantage. My guardian angel, Jarah is still looking out for me. Perhaps she influenced your bad decision. Instead of using math to decide whether to fold, raise or call, I simply look at my bracelet that has just four letters. WWJD. What would Jarah do?

With apologies to Jarah Mariano (and her lawyers)

Now, in addition to the legal problems I have for the PEA, I know have a defamation of character lawsuit and a restraining order that starts at midnight tonight. This is weird, since I haven't seen her in 7 weeks, and I just want to see our child again.

I'm so out of sorts about this damn addiction. Why is that I can't find a single major poker site where Omaha Hi-Lo looks even remotely for real? (Crying now.)

Everyone goes all in. It doesn;t matter what site. And there are tables filled with players that have insane amounts of chips that just keep raising. And my stall stack just can't compete. I'm overwhelmed. I really, really, REALLY need my PEA.

And, oh God, the dog has been upset and has backed out of the judging the joke name contest. On the plus side ad least MacNamee (Clemens' trainer) brought a fruit basket over.

So, with my life at an extreme juncture and being so addicted, I sadly played on PokerStars tonight.

I was doing well for a good bit of a 10k 5 draw low tourney. Only the top two positions paid. 1/2 hours of poker. I was just praying that this would get me back over 100k chips. I finished fourth. Depressed I logged out and then almost immediately logged in agin because the signs are there that this activity works since the AI/admins need a couple of hands to adjust to the presence of a real human. Within minutes I've won 60k.

Now, be careful guys. The restraining order and defamation suit are a bit away. My arraignment in court are still a bit away. The supportive math police are working on this, and their lawyer has offered to work pro bono.

Not as bad as Absolute/UB, but this table was...........

bad.

The difference between UB/Absolute Omaha Hi-LO is that it's a 40k buy in instead of 20k.

But there are still 10 or 11 players that are waiting for the table. 10 players just screaming to get into a game where the play is the extremely uncompetitive "Let me go all in even if I have shit" mode.

One final word on Jarah and her lawyers

I trust you understand the sarcasm in this blog. I see that if you Google "Jarah Mariano poker" that this blog is the first hit on page two. I'm sorry that I used you to help make my point, but geez girl....

OMFG!

You are gorgeous!

Seeing you in my dreams. Since obviously eveyone knows your way out of my league.

Busted

I'm not proud of this. I tried to hide it, but starting with the Mitchell report, I have been under investigation for the past several years.

Ever since discovering internet poker is a fraud, I've been taking PEA. Performance Enhancing Alcohol. Sadly, after taking PEAs, I usually have to take a lot of PEEs.

I first got hooked up with PEA after a party where I first met Roger Clemens personal trainer. Roger was playing a lot of Omaha Hi-Lo on the internet, and he noticed that there is a ridiculous amount of raising. After Roger's trainer injected PEA Malt Liquor into my ass, I noticed a remarkable change in my chip stack. Suddenly, I no longer cared about the raising and I started winning massive amounts of chips by going all in every hand.

The effects on my body, however, have been dire. I found myself lusting after Madonna. Then, after another PEA party, I found myself playing all in Omaha Hi-Lo every waking moment of my life.

I'm not proud of what I've done. I am ashamed. Ultrahot Supermodel Jarah Mariano, my girlfriend, expressed her concerns about my PEA. I told her that I'd be off the PEA soon. Please, please, oh please just let me get my fix...OK babe? I can change.

All I need is one week of playing against something other than artificial intelligence and I will be your bitch forever.

Mitchell called me last night. No dice. I'm screwed.

So, now I have to try to avoid internet poker until the PEAs are out of my system. And I have to do community work. No more PEA. PEE is OK before my bladder explodes, but according to Clemens trainer and Arod this will disappear after I finally give up on internet poker.

So now, as part of my arraignment I have to give up this blog and do community service. I do have a little bit of a time window, so I'm gonna make the first Biglaydown joke name contest.

I've had my own set of names, and I've heard some others.

JokerStars
Absolutely Awful
Ultimatecheat

Post your poker site joke name here, and if it's within the time before my community service starts there are prizes for the best.

3rd prize is a one year membership to this blog with no renewal of membership fees.
2nd prize is a "Biglaydown" tshirt, currently only available in large and extra large.
1st prize is an autographed 8 x 10 glossy of Jarah.

Dear Jarah:
You are so smoking hot. I can't belive what we had and I think about you all the time. Thanks for the photo.

Typical

This 5000+ Limit Horse tournament was typical of exactly what is wrong with internet poker.

5000+ log in to play this game, yet at the start half the table is sitting out.

I folded one hand that would have been a winner. Q7 off suit in Hold'em. With the heavy pre flop betting I don't consider this a bad poker move. Not surprising, d3niz, the initiator of the heavy betting was all in every hand, and in less than eight hands was one of the first two positions to be eliminated. Instead of another sitting out position, the biggest jackass in the tournament just happens to be at my first table.

The game switches to my favorite, Omaha Hi-Lo. The first hand of Omaha I catch A2 in my hole cards, arguably the best. Since it's fixed limit I have the luxury of not having to invest too much into not getting a winner. Four threes on the board.

With a lot of dumb ass raising going on, the game switches to 7 card stud. What is so amusing about the dumb ass raising is that it makes it obvious that these are not real people playing to win. It's rigged to make you, the real human lose. This moronic bot didn't just call into three tens on the board, it actually raised into it. The other bot was not scared and naturally won the hand.

New poker game beta testing

Yeah, right.

OK Mathew with just 1 T, let me ask you this. What exactly happened in your life that drew you to this table? If you are questioning the rules, you obviously haven't played the game before.

So why aren't you losing your 1,000 starter chips on Hold'em? Or is it maybe that you're a part of the problem?!?

You sure are.

I've played enough Boguji to figure out the rules and strategy on my own. The real magic is what happened before you stepped into the table. Not just one, not two...but count them 3 players with a million chips. Three "players" with "massive poker skills" that have nothing better to do with their lives than play on a new game, instead of playing on a real money table.

Badugi, of course, is every bit as rigged as all the other games. However, since it's only available on PokerStars it's not too bad yet. Mat with one T, low hand wins and if they are all offsuit it's a Badugi.

Granted that some top poker minds would sit in and get a taste of something new. Weird that they all bailed out within minutes of my appearance.

Picking your poker table

And, why does it seem like my table is always the most popular game in town?

I'm purposefully unpredictable. I have enough play money chips on all sites to sit at damn near any table I want including the higher betting limits. I like to occasionally pop up in some weird game just to mix things up.

Today's far from my normal schedule login was 100/200 limit HORSE on Full Tilt. Certainly not something my chip stack is worried about.

But what about the rest of the poker world?

It's a supposedly meaningless free money game being played by allegedly real people. And yet, I'm met with a succession of 1,000 chip buy ins that just happened to latch on to the same table I'm playing at.

This is completely stupid.

In a 100/200 fixed limit game, a 1k buy in on a full table can last you one or two hands without a winner with the aggressive betting that infects internet poker. It's really pretty obvious that these are not real people. Full Tilt, congrats. You've just earned an hour of Operation Sit and Go tactics sometime this weekend.

Dragging it out.

Hi there, it's me again. Not much, how 'bout you? I'm not sure really why I called. I really just wanted, to fold to you. And I was thinking maybe later on. We could get together for a while. You see I really do miss this trial.

I'm not talking about all-in. And I don't want to change your life. But there's some bogus cards floatin' round. And I really do miss this site.

(With apologies to whomever that song I parodied is from.)

Full Tilt has been lacking my attention lately. Not because the site is so horrid I can't stand to play there. The opposite is true. The worse it gets, the more that you come up on my radar screen. And since I've been having sooooo much fun on PokerStars lately playing bizarre games like 2-7 single draw lowball and Badugi I haven't been here much.

This sit and go reinforced several things about the wickedness of the free money games on these sites.

Registering and Sitting Out
On PokerStars, you can see the sitters clearly identified as sitting out. On Full Tilt, you need to recognize that they are sitting out by folding every bet. This helped me win enough hands to finish third and in the money. This is early in the game. Iron has the audacity to school the moron going all in and breaking his pocket aces with his two pair. OK, Mr. Expert. Explain these two things to me. Why did you even call the blinds with 85 offsuit, and then after winning that one hand you sat out the rest of the game?!?

Let me take a wild guess I've never posted here before (sarcasm) - AI. Fill those tables up, get the game going before the two year olds give up and leave.

Also from old posts and being bumped here-

I find it very strange that on PokerStars single draw 2-7 hi-lo and Full Tilt 2 table games of Hold'em that the game almost always plays out the same way. I play conservatively while getting asinine cards and draws, get short stacked and then make a big comeback. Thyer's no way that I can finish in the (play) money on something like 40 out of 50 sit and goes when I have the smallest stack in the game at one point.

Theory -
Buckling to complaints that there's too many all-ins on the early hands, the game is rigged to have AI win early. Survivors are rewarded.

So the game drags out with one or two humans with intelligence playing against AI and what should take an hout to complete takes two hours and 15 minutes. Because unlike AI, I do need to snatch a couple hours of sleep every once in a while.

But, it's still not random cards.

Badugi

I'm not sure you really want to do this guys.

You've just brought a brand new game into town. And fresh off my multi table obvious I'm being cheated game.

So, tell me, exactly how long has Badugi been on this site? Since I live for the unpopular games this is certainly something that would have come on my radar screen immediately.

I think this is the first day it has ever been played. And people are playing in a multi-table tournament like it has been here forever.

Bad news dickweeds. It took me all the way 20 minutes to figure out the strat without knowing the rules.

Gonna have to call "bullshit" on this

Here is the way you deal 25 billion hands. Every table on the free money games is artificial stupidity, If you play in a massive mutli table game, there are thousands of AI positions rigged to call into the game and they play.....no, not badly....they just don't play at all.

I got bounced around and every single table had 50% sitting out.

I will continue to log in to these bogus multi-table games knowing that it's not going to work.

A real humkan never gets to win these tables. And thes site gets to look philanthropic for offering a prize that no real human ever gets to score.

If you're going to register at a table, play - don't sit out.

Are you sure you want to brag about this?

Since I've been doing this for so long, I have the luxury of a large amount of statiscal information. Just like the recent spam I got from PokerStars regarding their Guinness Book of World Records entry for the most "people" ever involved in an online tourney, this spam is actually pretty damaging.

June 2006, I was dealt pocket kings in Hold'em on three consecutive hands. Needless to say, the odds of this are low. Really low. Like you would win the lottery ultimate jackpot twice and be struck by lightning 4 times in your life low. And I made an Excel spreadsheet which showed me the June 2006 date. At this time PokerStars was bragging about their 5 billionth hand, and I wanted to see how often someone would get pocket kings in three consecutive hands in 5 billion hands.

Granted, lots of those 5 billion hands were not Hold'em. Which only makes the statiscal improbabilty of three hands in a row with pocket kings making them look even worse. The real news is that this email gives me how many days were played between the 5 billionth hand, the 10 billionth hand and the upcoming 25 billionth hand.

It was approximately 440 days between hands dealt 5 billion and hands dealt 10 billion. When the dust settles, it looks like it's going to be about 550 days between hands dealt going from 10 billion to 25 billion.

On an even keel, it would take 440 x 3 to reach an increase of 15 billion hands played. This is damn close to 2.5 times the number of days it would take to reach 25 billion on an even keel.

And internet poker is LOSING GROUND. Massively popular 8 years ago, people have begun to move on with life and find other entertainment, yet, you grow at the rate of 250% over the past year and 1/2?

I don't even need to talk about the actual play tonight, which was obviously completely unreasonable. As I've done before, the chips aren't that necessary to prove the fraud. All you need is a little math.

This explains why there is so much raising on the unpopular games and Sit and Go's. You're never suppossed to see it. It's just AI rigged to play against itself, showing that there are 70k people playing on 4k tables when there are 2000 real people playing on 50 tables.

Dear Poker pros:

Please prove me wrong. Play for two hours on the free money tables.

The Poker DEFCON settings

After years of research, me and my crack team of experts, both of us, (me and the dog) have identified the level of riggedness (yeah, it's a word) in online poker. The results of our scientific study are posted here.

Since internet poker is DEFinitely a CON, our crack team, one of which is just stupidly munching on a cow bone, have developed this. My this bone is tasty.

DEFCON 6
How it comes to be:
The admins have all adjourned to the backroom to play Canasta and Risk. Unfortunately, they forgot to turn on the rigging and a real human can plunge in and have a field day with scoring incredible amounts of play money chips. You can't buy a losing hand if you want to.

How often it happens:
Once in a blue moon. I've seen it like six times in the last 7 years. The dog, never actually managing to log into the internet, has never seen it. Fortunately, as I keep supplying him with the bones he seems content to take my word for it.

Characteristics of the play:
Ranges from meek callers on bad hands to weak raisers on bad hands.

Summation:
Not surprisingly, DEFCON 6, since it doesn't really exist, lasts a matter of minutes. The Canasta game is finally over, and since the dice on the Risk game can't be rigged, that gets old in a hurry. The admins return. Does tend to happen more often on Holidays as the admins are feeling more generous.

DEFCON 5
How it comes to be:
The admins have sneaked their girlfriend into the backdoor of the massive multi-computer poker mainframe room. Distracted by the tongue dance, you get to play 1 to 3 hands before they wake up and realize cheating someone at online poker is more important than a quickie.

How often it happens:
Pretty regular, since after winning one or two big hands without them paying attention the game gets adjusted to at least DEFCON 4.

Characteristics of the play:
Fun for three hands, play Operation Sit and Go and get ready to fold like crazy as you watch your table magically fill up and the heavy raising starts.

DEFCON 4
How it comes to be:
At this point, you've really pissed of the admins. This is when they start to do some of the crazy and weird stuff that just doesn't make any mathematical sense. And some crazy and weird stuff that just doesn't make any human sense.

How often it happens:
This appears to be the default setting.

Characteristics of play:
Raising. Like crazy. Hundreds of thousands of people have nothing to do with their lives except create a new free money poker account and raise, raise a little more, and just for good measure, raise all in. Naturally, betting all-in on even the most marginal cards equals competence. Not being able to click on the "Call" button, my dog is naturally out of these hands.

DEFCON3
How it comes to be:
Admins break out the old pre-programmed stuff. Real human player doesn't buy in to the all-in bullshit. Even weirder stuff happens - the chat gets to be insane. Desperate to make it look for real, the table is filled with a huge amount of dialogue. This includes peeps that have such massively good typing skill that they spend more time on the chat than worrying about the cards. Questions are answered before the question is posed. And if you're lucky, that hot girl will show up at the table and you can impress her with your massive poker skills. Normally, there are at least three avatars of female French Poodles.

(That was the dog's input.)

How often it happens:
This used to happen all the time. Decreasing rapidly. Apparently the Poodles are finally getting bored.

DEFCON2:
How it comes to be:
We know you know it's a fraud. What, exactly, do you expect do do about it? I think I might spend a little bit of time on the lower level games so I get to see the stupid all-in BS instead of playing the higher buy in games that my stack will allow. And continue to stalk FRECKLEDMOM as after a month's vacation she's back to being pretty unreasonable again.

DEFCON1:
We can't lose mode.

How it comes to be:
Rookie admin can't resist toggling into cheat mode and never losing a hand. At the tables I play at I can draw them out once every two weeks. Without the powerful irritant that I am present, at least twice as long as that.

Characteristics of play:
Nuke the chip stack or watch stupid crap like BIGBADBRAD winning 2 million chips in less than an hour. Despite as dire as this sounds, it's actually quite fun for me. Most of my best screenshots are DEFCON 1. In addition to BIGBADBRAD think about the things like hitting on a hard 19 in blacjack and having it work three times out of three tries, and a six player Hold'em game where the hole cards are AA, KK, QQ, JJ, AJ, and AT. AJ was smart enough to fold before everyone else went all in. (That was me) and the AT ends up winning after four clubs are flopped to match up with his ace of clubs. To date, this is still my all time favorite hand and screenshot.

Special Bonus level:
That scene in Star Trek 2 where Ricardo Montalban loses his hearing -
DEAFKHAN 1

(This also, was the dog's suggestion. The bad pun is not my fault.)

Required reading

Some arguments, like animal rights (don't get me started) are indefensible. Online poker not being rigged is defended heavily. Gee, I'd really like to play at these tables that those guys are playing on. Because for me it's driving up a hill with a 40% grade, pulling teeth with a pair of tweezers, finding a needle in a haystack and looking for a four leaf clover adventure.

However, out there in CyberWorld are other kindred spirits.

http://tommeny.com/2006/12/22/the-bible-of-rigged-online-poker-2/

I emailed Tom, but he didn't reply. Some of the things he shares in this dialogue mirrors my own thoughts. The cheating doesn't go on as much in the high level games. If I was playing $100/$200 real money Omaha the site admin would certainly be a lot more careful.

http://pokerisrigged.com/

Some members defend, but from what I've read in the forums it's about 2-1 against online poker being for real. Some of their thoughts are off the mark. I've been doing this for 7 years. I intend to join the site and share my expertise.

Called shot

You know the famous story of the baseball hero pointing to the fence he's going to hit the homerun over?

It's the same with my last post about the Guinness Record 35,000 player game on PokerStars.

Almost too good to be true, the very first big multi-player tourney that fits my schedule is the same draw lowball poker that I've been feasting on these past few weeks. I know the strategy. This is a 7,000 player freeroll that's probably a satellite to a game where you can win a couple of bucks real money. So, there is some vested interest in trying to win one of the 56 seats to the next round instead of throwing your chips all in every hand and moving on after losing.

The first hand. I've got monkey dung. I'm more than willing to fold it and just get on to the next hand. My what a surprise. Not only are there two sitters not even in on the hand, but one player sitting in on the hand that must have had the doorbell ring, got distracted, and timed out. The table would have 3 of 7 positions sitting out most of the night. Like I said, it's very curious and not human-like to register for a game and then just not play. But, just like 5 years ago this is a given on PokerFrauds.

Naturally, my table is one of the slowest in the tourney. A few hands later, another player used the time bank. My reward: After four hands I've broken even, and the chip leaders already have 20k. Unless I go berserk on an amazing lucky run, I'm hopelessly short stacked. Being patient, I finally get some good cards and build myself to over 15k, but this was near the end of the tourney. I never once hit the average chip stack size and finished in the 400's.

Also curious and unhuman. In my 2 1/2 hours -

One line of chat. Certainly not by me despite the three bad beats I've suffered. I've learned that it's just to be expected. (To be fair, I won two hands with miracle draws.) Somewhere along the way, a real human might have considered posting an "nh" along the way, but like myself these were tables full of cynics.

So, something like 2 humans and 54 bots move on to the next round. Good luck humans.

Oh really?

Thank you for the enjoyable spam PokerStars. The bolding and italicizing is mine.

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World Record Week on PokerStarsPokerStars bid farewell to 2008 in record breaking style thanks to all our players! With your help, we were able to successfully create a new Guinness World Record for the ‘Largest Online Poker Tournament’ EVER! For the 35,000 players who came together to be a part of something special, we hope that you had a great time playing poker and breaking a record! Eventually it was ‘stan34powa’ who overcame this huge field to win the top prize of $30,000. Along with this record breaking tournament, we also had 10,000 player Sit & Go’s and Sunday Majors with raised guarantees. The Sunday Warm-Up was given a $1 million guarantee while the Sunday Million had its guarantee raised to $2.5 million.Congratulations again to everyone who took part of the world's single biggest-ever tournament - you are all record breakers!

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I have several problems with this claim. 5 years and more than 100,000 hands online ago I had hit a major roadblock on PokerStars. Anytime I was starting to build up anything resembling a decent stack of play money chips I would hit a wall and lose them all back. But, I was honing my investigative technique and for a period of weeks I played in the big multi-table game every night that I could. These tables had a maximum number of entrants of 5,000 peeps. They usually were completely filled.

This often required starting with a newbie $1,000 chips, gaining enough for the $2,000 buy in, and watching the same inevitable pattern unfold. The first and foremost observation is that they made the mistake of showing the chip leaders in a corner of the screen. Invariably there would be leaders who had won all-ins versus multiple opponents show up on the leaderboard before my first hand even finished. This pattern was later duplicated on every other site's big multi-table games. I'm sure the sites' explanations for this would be that aggressive players were hoping to get off to a good start and went all-in.

The second biggest problem - the sitters. They were there in droves. Including bunches that registered and never played a single hand. This is not indicative of real human nature. If you've taken the time to wait until registration opens and then register (you couldn't do it until like an hour before the game ran) a real human, after showing signs of interest in playing would most likely do something silly like actually play in the tournament. There was lots of chat regarding the strategy on eliminating the sitters.

The time factor is an intersting problem. On my best games, I would play for four hours. And if I remember correctly, there was a 5 or 10 minute break every hour. So, the assumption can be made that a 5,000 player game can be processed within 5 hours. That's just a little too long for a night before I have to go to work the next day, but even those nights the games were filled. So, the Guinness record was on a Sunday. This would be a day where lots of peeps would be concerned about getting a bit of sleep before going to work the next day. Especially since you're playing in a free money tournament for hours and you aren't winning money playing poker. The last time I sent my mortgage company Monopoly money for my payment their collection agency called me.

The math is impossible to figure out exactly how long it would take to process a 35,000 player tournament if you didn't actually experience it. Some assumptions can be made.

Even if it's not 5,000 players = 5 hours x 7 = 35 hours, the game will run longer. Considering that the entry fee must have been low for a top prize of $30k, to attract enough players interested in spending even a nominal real money fee, the time of the tourney has to match your schedule. PokerStars, being the most international site, is offering a tourney that's going to be played over a conservatively guessed 10 hour period - 5 hours x 2 to process all those players. So as you are thinking about registering at 2am Eurpoean time and you get the coffee brewing and have called off work so you can play, you aren't going to be satisfied with a 5 minute break. You'll need a breakfast in there. More evidence that a ten hour tourney among real humans is unrealistic. (This assumes that the Sunday tourney was 2pm EST, as most of the weekly play money tourneys catered to EST.)

Let's extend the logic on the length of the game a bit more, if you're real humans. Instead of the instantaneous AI call, you actually pay attention to the blinds, character profiles, chipstacks and general game information you have received after surviving for several hours. You've built yourself up, it's only natural to think more. It may actually take 35,000 real human players cranked up on cocaine for a day to get this thing concluded.

Finally, a reminder. Reiko Hill from 5 years ago. My first big tourney 5+ years ago, this guy Phil Hellmuth Jr. I searched for him and found him on a seven card stud multi-thousand player tourney and he didn't say a peep, and called a hand he couldn't win based on the up cards. This seminal moment for me solidified the fact that this is NOT real human players, other than those slowing down my table and making my life miserable.

35,000 players. And monkeys fly out my butt. Guinness Records should be ashamed.

OK, here's the background:

I've latched on to 5 vcard draw lowball on PokerStars as a pleasant change of pace from Hold'em and Omaha Hi-LO. Probably still stinging from me placing first or second in 7 out of 8 sit and go's, and going from 17k to 128k in 2 days my reward is playing against Mega.

Assumption #1 - you have the 10k needed to buy into this. Therefore, by logical deduction you are obviously a person (cough cough) with some skill. Otherwise you'd be using your 1000 freebies to pray you can get to 2000 freebies and be annoying at a slightly less skilled table.

Assumption #2 - I'm a real human player trying to be competitive.

Assumption #3 - I have learned that I can bluff people out by CALLING.

And so regardless of the laws of probability (note the dealer button) you throw your chips into the pot and discard 4 cards. Naturally he/she loses. And all it serves is to feed the pot which needless to say I was not the winner of. Nobody ever does this stupid shit on me when I hold a killer pat hand. To add to the insult to my intelligence - Mega called the previous hand.

With a three jack low. Didn't raise trying to bluff others out of the pot, just CALLED.

Picture #2 - Mega has called a hand and discarded four cards again. Against all odds, the lucky so and so catches a miracle winner.

Picture#3 - Mega has again discarded four cards.

Three times in one unpopular game with a 10k buy in. So willing to lose those chips to feed the eventual not real human winners. Sounds like AI to me.

Busy with other tables?

For the first several hands where the dealer was killing COMAKO sat out. With my normal conservative expecting the dealer to win often betting strat, I'm right in the ball game. Magically, he/she wakes up the hand prior to this and goes all in.

Despite the fact that he waked up and timed out previous to the hand prior to this one. Not surprisingly, the bum timed out on this hand.

What this tells me that someone is playing multiple hands and is almost prescient on what cards are coming up. Can you say "admin?"

Think about this for a second

On PokerFrauds FREE MONEY TABLES. There's an additional fee on top of the buy in. Now that is some of the lamest bs I've ever experinced. Not only do they get to cheat you out of your hard earned PLAY MONEY CHIPS, there's an extra cost to cover what they don't make on the rake. The fee is small, but it's there. And it serves no purpose other than a screaming reminder, I can take your chips away whenever I want.

I love big multi table games - sitters

Because they're unreasonable. Screen shots sure to come on this. Weirdly, thousands of people log in to poker sites, join a game and then

don't play.

I've seen this before on NLOP it happened a lot.

OK, let me think about this for a couple of seconds. I'm trying to think about what is going on in the mind of my opponent.

You logged into a poker site, paid the registraition fee, and you sit out. This just screams out "database" not real people,