I'm a "lotto" (bingo) player??!!!!???? You really must be frigging kidding.

Dear Full Tilt:

Please work on the chat. It's so inconsistent with the table play. I do not expect or need to be complimented every time I win a big hand. But for weeks now "nhs" and "tys" have been flying around the table between all the other 'players' except me. Generally, my existence is ignored. Which is fine by me. I win so few hands that it's like pulling teeth.

And a typicasl session goes like this one -

45 hands of Omaha Hi-lo - 16 had at least one ace. Ordinarily one would be in hog heaven and raising constantly and pulling in big bucks. Only one would have won a micropot with two pair. That one had two As, the other was a loser. Two hands with As were decent. One early, one late.

The early one was during the middle of what I'd like to call the "wildagain" incident, since that was the 'player's' screen name. Constant pre-flop raising, constantly working. Built himself up to 55k. In the middle of a lotto table where everyone is playing like an idiot, except me....fold....fold...fold....23445, ok call that one, nah flop sucked, fold. And magically, the game switched.....(yeah magically, right) where 'everyone' at the table started playing more rationally. Lots of new faces, but previously aggressive wild turtles up and starts playing rationally, too. And loses to the new players betting pre-flop. The whole stack.

After lots more conservative play on my part I finally draw a nuts flush and I'm in positive point flow territory for the night. With a table virtually devoid of chat I post how I should call it quits while I'm ahead. Which I don't do right away.

And some f***ing a**hole posts something like I'm the worst lotto player ever.

No, douchebag, I've forgotten more about Omaha than you'll ever learn. Again, I've suffered through another ridiculous night of hopelessly impossible cards and untalented play, just happened to be awake at that one screaming moment where I could win a few chips.

And I will continue to fold like crazy playing "let's pretend I'm wrong" and watching supposedly real people drop hundreds of thousands of chips each night just to make my life miserable.