Do you really think you're playing for real?

I love this screen. After sitting in with 20000 chips, making a killing at people raising with nothing, wondering how they ever got enough chips to play at this table. As always, chumps with 4000 chips were raising and losing. "Players" at the table a long time were in the hands, virtually calling every bet and watching me as the only sane person that can have the guts to fold a hand pre-flop, or give it up when it's obvious I'm beat.

Now, if you haven't figured it out already about the screen shot.....

The "player" to my right has cards. I have cards. Two, three and four to the left of me have cards. But the "player" immediately on my left isn't sitting out and doesn't have any cards. And the insanity of not having cards and having the luxury of not to have to call insane bets continued for half an hour. Since my spider sense was on DANGER I knew it was time to start folding. When Thats_Hot finally did wake up he/she dropped 12000 chips within 10 minutes or so, I broke even with my healthy 15k gain and I sat back, watched.

The newbie start is 1000 chips. I can understand playing on 10-20 limit games that there's an allowance for raising on crap. But, when you graduate into the big leagues and there are SOOOO many uncompetitive morons that have also supposedly graduated into the big leagues it get's a litlle......bogus

Being competitive at poker

Months ago I posted at how Absolute and Ultimate constantly raised on fixed limit games. I'm proud to anounce that they have changed the program and things are almost like real poker.

I have fond meomries of Pokerfrauds 7 stud when the had a raise button on 7 stud high low games. You would sit at a table versus virtually uncompetitive "players" and watch as they let God sort them out.

Even though things have calmed down there are still alot of problems on Ultimate.

LEARN - I DON'T CARE ABOUT MY CHIPS. (too much) You made the mistake of letting me getting enough chips to get to medium sized tables where I can sit and watch for three hours at a time and watch supposedly good players burning off their chip stack apparently just trying to beat me. And supposedly good players equal or better to me get hung out to dry and lose their 5000 - and still they will come back for more. Losing. With 5000 chips when the "I'm a rookie" buy in is less.

Like said before, 'How exactly did you amss this chip stack to play like an idiot?"

Another Ub meltdown

What you need to realize is that I'm not making any of this up. If I get pocket kings three hands in a row, I really did. And if I played against someone that won ten hands in a row, I really did.

And, since I'm so willing and able to log in at weird times (no gf- no real life) when you target me it generally gets to be a way little too obvious.

I play like 25-30 hours a week. Wake up at two in the morning..play for four hours. Sleep for four. Wake up. Fart around for three hours...play for four more hours. Sleep...wake up and play again.

And why the freaking hell do I have the same three players at my table? Especially since the limits aren't the same? Riverkid11 and Luke Miller definitely are hot for me. They've got nothing better to do than make my poker life uncomfortable and raise the pot and be generally uncompetitive. And SooooFine also gets to join in the fun.

Oh please. Play to win...don't play to make me lose.

Anohter Ultimatebet metdown

Patience.

And a reminder UB...I don't care about my chips. If I have to start from scratch at 1000 I'll do that.

I'll start with the suspect things first, then move on to the outright stupid. Even though I hate training you guys so you can get better at cheating.

Chatting and compliments. When someone catches four of a kind there's always at least an "nh" thrown in. Except when I'm the one with four of a kind. As a matter of fact every time I do beat someone there's no talk. Awww....did I beat your AI and win a hand? So sorry.

I "played" against Riverkid11 and sirhoop this morning at 3-5 am and here they are at 4-6pm. Last I knew there was no search feature on UB. The limits on the tables were different this morning and this afternoon. And both "players" were completely uncompetitve....just pushing the pot and losing. And they're searching for me to raise stupidly and make my life uncomfortable? Reeks of an Absolute style ANTJE fake position.

Flop matching - way out of control. But, I know how to fold so I'll just sit back. Over the long haul, if you have seen the number of hands that would have won if I called, but I didn't because I folded it you would be amazed. I'm an expert on recognizing the BS.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reserved seats. Why is it that some "players" pop up at the table without having to go through the normal process of sitting and putting their chips in? I caught you this morning and tonight on this. It sure looks like I'm playing against someone in charge of the server with a bunch of fake AI positions instead of real people.

And...time....don't raise the pot with the first position. The menu needs to come up first.

Ther Elimination blackjack is way out of control. You have to bet big to stay in line with the leaders, and you get nailed for it. Completely statiscally unreasonable. And I love very game since it only proves my point.

Ultimate continues to break the rules

Dealer had an ace. I wasn't offered insurance.

Hmmm... blackjack sin't for real, maybe the poker isn't?

Welcome to my world

There it is again. Some idiot in blackjack hitting with a 19 and catching a two. After betting the max.

Well, he did only push and was eliminated going all in the next hand, that also featured a "player" hitting on a 20 and busting with a 30.

This was after a 3+ hour session of Omaha Hi-lo which started off with the obvious raising because I'm not playing to win but to make the human lose, which settled down into almost real poker. After gaining 6,000 free money chips that don't mean anything they still have to cheat.

If this was a real casino they'd be bankrupt. It's far too often not a matter of if you win, but how much you win. And they can always pull the rug out from under you.

Thank you NLOP

Boy I needed that. I was jonesing for a completely unrealistic game. You provided the fix.

Preface to that - for about a week now things have been pretty calm on my other sites. Which is disturbing since on the four of them I was putting up with a lot of bs for MONTHS before this week. I've seen what looks like an obvious AI change on a single site before, but for three of them to do it all at once....very strange.

As for the NLOP game -

Suspiciously, nobody wanted to play a ten player 500 point game. So I took the bait and allowed myself to get funneled into the 10 player 1000 point game. I broke a personal rule and called the first hand and won. And I won hand number three. And I spent a significant amount of time in the top three.

The chip leader, lets use the name of "pilsbury" for lack of a better one (since that was actually the screen name) won a big hand number two and then made a point of being generally annoying by calling every hand and raising on most of them and taking huge chunks of time to make his bets (even very unsportingly timing out to fold.) They made the mistake of giving me crappy cards that I didn't even think about calling into the bets. Finally, 10+ hands into the game pils folds pre-flop. Another position has pocket kings and wins a nice pot. Lucky non-call. Probably. Except that within a few hands more he called a modest pre-flop raise. The flop had an Ace, five and some other relatively meaningless card. He called a modest bet after a long pause. 2 on the turn and he raises all in and wins since he had 3-4 offsuit.

That hand isn't too suspicious in and of itself, except when you combine it with the one lucky fold when someone else happened to have pocket kings - ad you at least called virtually every other hand. You HAVE to be kidding.

But, there's more.

The table got down to 6 players. Two short stacks, 3 medium stacks (including me and pils) and the chip leader who had been whining about how things really needed to move along since he was in some big tournament about to start soon. Using that as his excuse, he starts pushing the betting.

Spider sense definitely tingling. Let me guess - you are about to turn into The Player That Can't Lose(TPTCL) Through a succession of bad beats and great flops TPTCL all-ins pils, the two short stacks in the next three hands. Three player game and I'm third, not too far off from number and I'm first up with A-J diamonds. My gut instinct was to fold, but since I have to get a modest positive point flow for third and I'm an investigator instead of seriously playing I chuckle to myself and go head to head all in with TPTCL Naturally he matched his K and I was eliminated. I even had the flush draw on the river which naturally didn't produce.

Translation -

Game admin versus miscellaneous weak human players and AI. I need to rig the game in a hurry since I have a more important game to rig and end this table.

Ultimatecheat.net Elimantion blackjack

Caught you again. Three tourneys with unreasonable bets by other players that win. I pit all my chips in the first hand - dealer has an ace.

I wasn't even offered insurance. Automatic loss.

Raising...or not

I just was involved in my most reasonable Omaha Hi-Lo table on Ultimate ever.

Appreciate the real poker guys. An hour plus without the crazy raisin'.

Same old story though...why couldn't it have been like this when I first logged in months ago?

Good job (or maybe not), I tried my trick that I call "Opening the floodgates" where a silent table all becomes best friends with each other and the chat becomes insane. What id did get me was that after maybe like three pre-flop raises in 50 hands all of a sudden they started poppig up every 2 or three hands.

Game admin dashboard - warning - real human at table 217. Use raising to equal competence.

But all in all it wasn't too bad. At least they didn;t have the super user that couldn't possibly lose a single hand. But, I did meet bunches of people that didn't want to say a word or even acknowledge that I told them they had a nice hand.

Ooops. Scratch people. AI doesn't care if you think they have a nice hand.

As almost always, I did win some chips. And I loved watching "players" lose their chips, even though I'm sure that tomorrow morning with the click of a button the stack will be refreshed to 100,000.

Time for some Blackjack an watching "players' splitting tens, hitting on 19 and catching a 2 and other such nonsense.

Ultimatebet slits their own throat again

It's really pretty easy to see.

If their was ever a game where conservative play should work....it's blackjack. You have to make your bet before you see any cards. And suppossedly, the dealer has a small edge. In three of four sit and gos tonight I qualified for the final table playing conservatively.

And then watched while bad blackjack play was unanimously rewarded. The same old splitting tens nonsense. Players with previously modest bets making big ones and catching a 20 while the dealer has a 15 and busts.

Now, don't get me wrong....the game is a tad more reasonable than it used to be. The desperate players make big bets when they should to try and stay alive. I do that myself. But over the past few weeks I see them rewarded, and I'm universally screwed.

Registration problems - this is obviously not the most popular game on the site. So tables don't fill up instantly. And I get to watch the list. 21 player game...25 players registered. I was in before the game had 19 players. And suddenly I'm #2 on the next table. 15 players registered on a 14 player game. And the game doesn't start because the AI with the joke name doesn't really exist.

And they continue to play to make me lose instead of playing to win.

Violent mood swings

When you play on the free money tables, often you get involved in "bingo." Raise, raise, raise...let God sort them out. The explanation is invariably that it's just free money...why do I care?

Well, that kind of works if you're playing with 1000 starting chips and you are willing to raise every time, refresh, and continue the same idiocy. Omaha hi-low on Ultimate constantly has the same "I don't care about my chip stack" philosophy when you play a table where you start with 5000 chips.

Tonight on Absolute I got a dream table. Seven Card Stud High low. 100-200 limits. Raise, re-raise, re-raise, etc... Hand after hand. I was fortunate enough to catch two boats in the first three hands. Some great folding chips while I watch the bad movie unfold. And...oh my gosh...they had to break their own rules to try and cheat me.

Fresh off my two boats I've been dealt a A-2-8, great starter hand for a low. There was an extremely unreasonable pause, and "Bob" came into the game when he should have had to sit out and swept the pot with A-2-3-4-5. And, naturally suspicious I folded my A28 before buying into it. The game continued on with ridiculous raising.

And then the magic mood swing. Suddenly, including "players" I've started the table with get all chatty and compliment each other, joke about their losses and such nonsense.

I have seen this so often...wait out the bad AI, watch it finally become a real table. While I should have had to play normal from the start instead of getting cheated for half an hour or an hour and I finally prove I'm not a bot, they get tired of cheating me, or whatever silly reason they have to make the game shift from obvious crap to a sense of normality.

Considering "Bob" came on with a killer hand and left after it, I'm convinced it's a deliberate rigged stop to my night. That I didn't buy into. And the new players constantly raising and not caring about their chips. Indicative of AI playing to make me lose instead of playing to win.

And then, magically after more than an hour of bs the game suddenly becomes real poker. I won 10,000 chips! Which, I don't care about except that it will help watching you embarrass yourself more in the future.

Full Tilt - you have to be kidding

You couldn't just settle for one stupid thing. You had to run the whole gamut of everything that's wrong that makes it so obvious you play against rigged AI instead of real people.

First off, no chat worth talking about. One gh in 1 hour and 15 minutes. On low money free tables where supposedly peeps are just loose and playing for a good time.

The sit and go was - hilarious. And, I was on to you before I played it because I saw the same thing on Pokerfrauds.com. Trying to sit in and play a 6 player free money sit and go is next to impossible to begin with. The game is offered, and the six seats are taken up within ten seconds. While a real human player must click on the tourney, click on the chips to register for it, and then click OK to sit and play it. So, when I finally succeeded in the blitz register, and with my previous Pokerfrauds experience I knew it wasn't going to be much of a game.

And they didn't disappoint. One of the six "players" bet all in virtually every hand. And it was pretty obvious they were the rigged player that couldn't lose - going all in on 8-3 off suited and such and catching a full house 8s over 3s.

Time to switch to no limit Omaha Hi-Lo with 10-20 blinds. Again, a succession of "people" so willing to go all in with their 1000 chips, and lose to a player that virtually can't lose.

Time to switch to 7 stud high low fixed. Naturally, "because it's only play money" no one is competitive and raises every chance.

And they forgot to do one thing. Partial reinforcement. My hands on all three types of games were crap. I think I've trained Absolute and UB that they need to be a little more careful aroud me. Things have calmed down in the last couple of months. And my chip stacks are big enough that I can linger around and fold for a long time when they rig. Full Tilt - I'm still just a small fish in the pond.

Which actually brings up another major problem. Compared to the supposed ordinary person on a fixed limit 10-20 game, I should be a professional poker player destined to win. But, you're so insulted you practically didn't let me win a single hand in an hour and a half.

I have 1.7 million chips on Absolute that says I know how to play Omaha Hi-Lo....I've played more hands of that than Hold'em....and you are going to rig the cards so I stay a runt on Full Tilt.

Screenshot of a "player" doubling with blackjack. Of course it worked out for him.

Welcome to my world.

Screenshot of a "player" doubling with blackjack. Of course it worked out for him.

Welcome to my world.

As always, ridiculous

I had to play a multi-table game on Ultimate yesterday just so I couldn't blindly post on how it couldn't be for real.

Just like Pokerfrauds.com- they are very kind to let you know the standing of all the other players. My table, as expected, wait and think, wait and think, wait and think.

There were two people with more than 7000 chips before my first hand was completed. Just like every game on NLOP, you have to play short stacked, cross your fingers and buy in to idiots raising the pot on nothing.

Poker is a competitive game. Raising does not equal competence. But that's what the bogus poker sites do - rig the cards, raise like crazy. And whine when I fold...

"It's just free money chips"

"It's just for fun."

And this is a game where real peeps are playing versus each other? You like to play poker so much you have nothing better to do than click the "raise" button- go all in and lose?

And how do you explain the player that doesn't exist?

Luv2bnaked. Yep....seen this tons of times before. The hot chick I'm supposed to go gaga over and try to impress her. And she's not there at the table, even though I'm sittting next to her.

Keep rigging.

Another fun night on Full Tilt

Remember admin guys. I'm in it for the long haul. I wait and watch. And comstantly catch you doing something totally stupid.

I doubt your are familiar with me yet. My resume should be scored as a major troublemaker and you should adjust what you do, but Full Tilt still doesn't care. Maybe it's because I'm still in the free trial period.

I don't care about my chips won or lost. I care about other "people" winning or losing. There's always something out there to bust on for me. Like tonight's three hour session on a silly 10-20 seven stud hi-lo game where you didn't even try to make it look for real.

I earned enough chips last night to see all the same things I've seen forever. Player that raises because it's only free money, whe I finally get a decent hand it's bad beaten.

But Full Tilt forgot about the one thing that makes me internet poker's worst nightmare.

The rules of poker allow you to fold. When the bs starts I don't have to buy into it. And, with my infinite patience I can wait and watch. And see things like playing against "real people" tonight for three hours and not a single drop of chat. Human nature would be to have a little bit of trash talk, but NOOOOOO. 3 hours of complete silence and trying unsuccessfully to waste my chip stack into nothing.

Play to win. Don't play to try to make me lose.

Sorry - Full Tilt Poker is also busted

Ahh, the illusion of competence...

By rgging the cards and raising. And giving me crap. Am I having a bad night and the first 40 hands or so are I only get one ace in the first three cards of seven stud high low? Or am I up gainst with a server with an infinite chip stack?

I've seen this all before. New site, same old problems.

I shouldn't tell you this, but guys, when you create the "Super Player" with impressive chip stack that can't lose on a high low game it only proves the cards aren't random. But, to give the illusion that the AI is competent, you must rig/pre-program the play.

My first 50 minutes on Full Tilt tonight was ridiculous. And they did pretty much everything I expect from a rigged poker site. It doesn't matter that I'm not hurting anyone playing for free chips. It matters that the game looks for real and the stupid claims that 50,000 "people" are logged in to the site and enjoying a friendly game of poker.

Things finally settled down....and wow...the second hour was almost like real poker. So, why couldn't it be that way in the first hour?

Let me guess...becuase it's rigged and you're not used to a semi-professional poker player playing on low limit free money tables. And then you do something stupid like.....have the player that can't lose bet the pot with a pair of twos on seven stud when a pair of queens was on the board.

I don't have a screenshot of that, but I'm certain Full Tilt will do something stupid in the future that I can get that.

Finally, I have a critic

I knew it was inevitable. Most of the information out on the web is universally supportive of online poker being for real.

Because I'm annoying I get to see lots of strange behavior that no one else gets to see.

Thank you, dumb ass, for your silly and vulgar post. What's wrong? Do you work for one of these sites and taunting me is a way of getting even? It doesn't work. I get taunted when I play live all the time.

My latest fun has been Elimination Blackjack on Ultimate. It would be a heckuva lot of fun, if the game wasn't so obviously pre-programmed. And it's all a simple matter of having AI play to make it look like lots of people are playing and having fun. So, when I don't buy in to the admin's bs who is running the table, and they get bored they eventually do something stupid. Like create a position with a vulgar nickname.

Twice in recent history on Elimination Blackjack I've seen the registry for the tournament show a position (that doesn't have the guts to sit down at the table) with a very unflattering name. I have a screen shot, of the second one, too. If the site was a legit and professional operation, someone with "SUCKMEOFF" or "USUCK" in their name shouldn't be allowed. They should be deleted. And, so by random chance in the last few days I meet with two of them all anxious to show up at the same tourney as me so I get to see it?

This is not a coincidence.

So, you keep on playing. I'm sure the real money games are handled a lot better than the free money tables as far as making it look for real. But, your rookie admins and obvious AI on the free money tables are silly. How about....just admit it? "Come, enjoy our free money games versus our program as a training session!" Or suspend disbelief in reality and watch hundreds of thousands of people lose all their chips, refresh and lose them again, and again, and again.

And, critic, thank you for specifically addressing me with the problems posted here. (Heavy on the sarcasm.) It does soooo much to promote your cause to call me names. I've got over 100,000 hands of internet poker experience and 1.7 million very hard earned chips on Absolute and I can sure as heck tell when it's for real or not.