Brent Beckley Pleads Guilty

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2011/12/20/bloomberg_articlesLWII0C0D9L35.DTL

Well it's about freaking time something happened in this case.

For those that want an abridged version:

Brent was responsible for setting up the fictitious websites that Absolute Poker used to receive Internet gambling funds illegally. Allegedly selling merchandise (jewelry, pet supplies, snuggies etc...) the money was deposited into Absolutes bank accounts so US players could bypass the 2006 law. And back in April of this year they got caught redhanded.

I did a little poking around and I found an article that showed his money laundering crimes carried a maximum sentence of 30 years. Instead he's going to skate after one to one and a half. And I think that's beautiful. No, I'm not a Brent fan. I have watched enough episodes of Law and Order to know that this means he pleas to a lesser sentence and testifies against the other nimrods involved.

On a humorous side note I see that Brent has been living in Costa Rica for the past several years. Hey, Dumb Ass, why didn't you stay in Costa Rica instead of setting foot somewhere you could get arrested?

In the meantime PokerStars keeps chugging out a billion bogus hands every couple of weeks. Can they reach 100 billion hands before they get shut down?

Tables

A weird and wild assumption is that a game site with multiple seating options would only make up as many tables as could be reasonably populated by real people. This is certainly not the case with PokerStars.

I purplisticly (real word) loogged in to the high buy in games and didn't play a single hand.

Triple Draw lowball. Razz. And there is some fucking douchebag that is there at the table when major amounts of free money chips are needed to take a seat. The table is not starting until a bunch of other bohus AI sits there.

And----no Asian women play? Seriously. It's just too weird.

Number of Players

A typical log in for me has more than 200k players. A weird log in produces 70k.

With the United States in lockdown I would think that maybe the more realistic numbers would be at Eurpeon or Asian time. But AI is till set to be annoying at US eastern time.

PokerStars Push to 100 Billion Bogus Hands

This question has come up several times in the past couple of years. "Hey, Big lay Down Guy, if you're not right then why is the site so cool that everyone wants to play on it?

Me and my crack team of insomniacs and people holding down two jobs to make a living and two year olds who haven't got a clue have an explanation.

Surpisingly, just like Jerry Sandusky claiming innocence and Kim Kardashian being involved in a real relationship it's not for real.

The mistakes just keep piling up. Some of them are blatantly in your face obvious. Others are a bit more subtle. But I only get to play in something that looks like reasonable poker like maybe two times a week. Which I don't mind because, well, if you're a reader of this blog the bullshit is all what I'm about.

PokerStars aka PokerFrauds did this to me(unrelated to the screen shots. This guy has logged into 2k Razz game and starts talking about how he has to leave to pick up his dog and that he was playing this meaningless table from work. Regardless of the cover story it was no surprise that this was an excuse to raise like a fucking idiot.

And this is how PokerStars will get their billions of hands records.

Player not found on the same table I'm at. Gotcha. You're so good at Razz you don't want people to find you, so you block it. And you still manage to bump into someone you know and can chat with. And after a flurry of active discussion when it comes time for the real human to decide whther it's time to go to sleep the chat has dryed up faster than a menopausal nun.

(No nuns were harmed in the posting of this.)

As the nuns sit at this table and hide their being logged in for an excuse to raise like a fucking idiot I contemplate on how when I burn in hell I'll at least never had to pretnd that I'm a real person.

Pedro, Pedro, Pedro

Shame on you. You ticked me off enough that I ended my almost month long vacation from blogging.

PokerStars continues to go stomping through the world of artificial intelligence playing against artificial intelligence to rack up billions of hands in a few months.

And the continue to show that even the most basic math skills are something they haven't mastered yet. By the time I got to the two screenshots of Pedro here he had already racked up five bad beat eliminations of another player by a bad beat on the river. The odds of this are something like one in,well, it's a really big number with lots of zeroes before the decimal point.

I also thought ya'll might be jonesing for a picture of a hot Asian chick, so here you go.

Happy Birthday/Anniversary

As a reminder, I've said this many times before, so far there hasn't been a decent rebuttal posted about my comments. I hate being repetitive, but as the card play tonight was the usual humdrum non-random crapola I will have to hate being repetitive.

If you Google "Internet Poker is Rigged" you do get one top hit from this pro -

http://www.onlinepoker.net/poker-news/general-poker-news/online-poker-rigged-wsop-winner/6801

Other than this the top hits are loads of bullshit defending the sites on how it's simply a matter of the low quality of cardplay by the angry, frustrated, drunken and repetitive poster. Since I hate being repetitive I will not use the word repetitive or any variant such as 'repeat' again. It's to easy. And as homage to my ex-girlfriend Rhea Pete it would be rude to repeat such repetition. Especially since I've repeatedly down it so many repetitive times.

Jumping back to the first paragraph - I don't want to just think that what separates the Big Laydown from the other poker blogs, both pro and con, is that instead of the card play my focus has shifted to the lack of humanity. Basically, when sitting at a nine player S&G you can expect that at best you're playing against 7 pieces of AI and one admin in control of the table. Since the admins get to toglle cheat mode and are bored out of their skull a real human is a pleasant distraction. And in general since they have limited actual card skill, they do stupid shit like break the time bank rules, post naughty words in chat that don't get ****'ed out.

Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, you are to the South of me and pretty much on a weekly basis at the minimum I get the joy of playing against someone with home court advantage that can- and does- break the simple rules.

The explanation for this can't simply be that they want to read here what they did wrong (although it does give them the chance to make changes and cheat better.) It can't simply be fear of computer viruses by visiting dangerous websites mpicking up pictures of Asian hotties.

My personal opinion is that the daily coursem of the job has just become too repetive, and repeating the repition has repeatedly repeated the mundane repition and while trying to suck the last money out of real players before repeating Full Tilt's demise they repeatedly try and fail to struggle to make it look for real.

I can't repeat this mistake of giving real cash to poker sites. I never have and can't play for real money. I rpeat, it's not like I would. I've seen WAY too much repition of the annoying bad beats, non-random cards, infinite loops(explanation on this comment - another repitition reference) and avatrs of a tapir )which is close to a backward spelling of repeat I can think of on short notice.

Personally I thought I would have at least 20 million play chips on the big three sites by now, I would be hugely bored and move on to other topics that piss me off like the GOP nomination race and attention whore Kim Kardashian's wedding, but here I am still interested in busting on poker.

So this begs the question -

How much did Kim K. pay you to keep her off my radar? She's not Asian, so it must have been a lot.

Wild Mood Swings

One minor eyebrow raised to report and one both eyebrows raised. On the two table screenshots - we have someone from Brazil that has named himself after the Chupacabra. More or less the Mexican Bigfoot, but smaller and with sharper teeth. Brazil is mostly a Portugese speaking nation. Just a little weird.

Now, Snutty biy was the real curiousity. He complained about the chap to his immediate left constantly preflop raising and called him an idiot. Forgetting that beforen this final table he did the same freaking thing himself.

Translation - AI plays until it gets boiled down to the final table. Admins who didn't know the personality of the AI (if AI can truly have a personality) takes over.

And this game had more bad beats than a videotape of Rodney King.

And the biggest surprise - somehow I managed a second place.